Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Daily Candy.

Today I came home from Work and searched the house for Candy. Why? Well, because Totally Awesome Husband hid All Of The Candy. Why? Because I kept Eating It. Why? Because it is Halloween! Okay, well, technically Halloween isn’t until Friday. But, I like Halloween Candy a whole lot. So, I like to get a head start. We bought A Ton of Candy for The Halloween Party we had on Saturday and we had some Left Over. And we will barely get any Trick-Or-Treaters. Someone has to Eat It!

Unfortunately, for me Eating Candy equals Extra Fanny. I really should not be Eating Candy at all. I have all The Fanny I can handle right now.

But, that didn’t stop me from Searching All Of The Cabinets, The Drawers, Under Shelves, Under The Sink, Behind The Television, Inside The Heating Vent, Behind The Air Filter, and Inside The Toilet Tank for The Candy this afternoon. Yes: Inside The Toilet Tank. No, it wasn’t there. I have No Idea where The Candy is hidden.

When I was a kid, my cousins and I used to love to visit My Grandparents. They had A Great Big House full of all sorts of interesting items. I remember a big, black, ceramic ashtray My Grandfather used to place his cigar in. And they had these really cool pink beads adorning the bathroom that we used to pretend was the backstage to our own variety show. They had a piano, and my cousins and I would take turns playing our favorite songs, culled from the sheet music stored in the piano bench with the pink needlepoint coverlet. But The Best Part about visiting My Grandparents’ House was that all over the house, there was Candy hidden! That’s because My Grandmother used to have to hide The Candy from My Grandfather. He used to like to Eat The Candy, too! Except, he was Diabetic, so he really shouldn’t have been Eating The Candy. That’s Why My Grandmother used to Hide it from him. She had No Idea that when we came to visit, My Grandfather would pay us each A Dollar if we located The Candy and Gave It To Him. One weekend, I made, like, Fifteen Dollars. I considered it Hush Money when My Grandfather had A High Blood Sugar attack later that night.

It is probably A Good Thing Totally Awesome Husband has hid The Candy from me, although it doesn’t feel all that Totally Awesome to me. I am sure I will get The Candy out of my system over time. He promises to return it to me on Halloween when I am sure to have A Candy Relapse.

But, if he doesn’t, maybe the next time you are invited over you can make A Few Bucks.


the slackmistress said...

The candy is in his car...or with his Yankees cap.

Michael said...

Nope and nope. But not a bad idea -- TDR treats that Yankees cap like it's plutonium.