Friday, August 28, 2009

Eat Your Heart Out, J.Lo's Second Marriage!

One Year Ago, Totally Awesome Fiancé became Totally Awesome Husband and I could finally cease having to put in That Stupid Accent Mark Over The "E" In Fiancé!!! Remember? I used to Blog Every Day? I made Paper Flowers? My MOM drove me NUTS?

Anyhow, I am Very Excited because not only do I get to eat Frozen Wedding Cake, but we will also have More Room In The Freezer! Also, now we get to keep All The Gifts if we get Divorced. I really didn't want to have to give up That Crock Pot.

To Celebrate, we are going to go to Dinner at The Inn of the Seventh Ray, where we got Married. And....That's sort of It. The First Anniversary is A Paper Anniversary Gift, which is kind of Lame. I told Totally Awesome Husband to just give me Money.

Hey? When is The Plastic Anniversary? Or The Small Electronic Anniversary? I need A New iPod.

Only One More Year to still qualify for The Newlywed Game!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Miss Negative Ninny

Happy End Of Summer, Folks!

Yes, I took some Time Off from The Blog. Personally, I think The Blog is Dead. Not this one, specifically. I just mean Blogs In General. I think Facebook and Twitter Killed The Blog, with Lethal Doses of Ease Of Posting Ideas. Still, I miss being Creative and Storytelling. So I am returning to The Scene Of The Crime.

This summer has been A Rough One, I am not going to Lie. I had some Work Issues that I found Disruptive To My Peace And Happiness and had to make some Big Decisions about Things and frankly, I Didn’t Want To Write About It Here. Also, I had to Study for Tests all summer long, leaving Very Little Time To Do Anything Else. And Totally Awesome Husband has been working Super Long Hours. So, we couldn’t really Do Anything or Go Anywhere and now Summer is Over and I am really Bummed. My only Solace is that There Is Always Next Year.

One Great Thing happened This Summer – We got A Dog! We named him Bernie. Here he(I) is(am) Looking Cute:


He is Four Months Old now and he is Very Sweet. He was one of The Best Things About Summer 2009! Sometimes I think about When He Will Die and I get Very Sad. But, that’s me – Miss The Glass is Always Half Empty/The Summer Is Nearly Over And I Have Nothing To Show For It/The Very Sweet Puppy We Just Got Is Going To Be Dead Someday. I intend to get An iPhone this week. So, that should count towards Something.

Let’s hope The iPhone lives to be at least Five in Phone Years. Or else, I will be Very Sad about that, too.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Have You Seen My Childhood? Oh. It Died On Thursday.

Hey. So, how 'bout That Michael Jackson?

On Thursday, I came home from Work and discovered that not only had Farrah Fawcett Died, but so had Michael Jackson. I mean What Were The Chances that Two of The Hugest Icons of my childhood would kick the bucket on the Same Freaking Day? I bet Henry Winkler was Relieved when he made it through to Friday.

Everyone knew that Farrah had The Best Hair when I was A Kid. Dorothy Hamill and Sandy At The End Of Grease were The Closest Runners Up. I am happy to report, I did Great Farrah Hair. My hair was naturally Thick, Wavy, and Blonde back in the day and as long as Farrah Hair was Popular, so was I. I was kind of Sad to hear that she was gone. Not to be Morbid, but I hope they do A Nice Wig for her at her funeral. The Mortician should be Delighted and Honored!

Now, Michael Jackson is a whole other ball of wax, no pun intended. Hearing Michael Jackson Died was sort of like learning That That Weird Girl You Made Fun Of In Tenth Grade Had Grown Up And Committed Suicide And Suddenly You Felt Bad For All The Names You Called Her, Even Though She Really Was A Freak And Deserved It. I couldn't believe he Died and in his honor, I made sure that I Downloaded All Of His Songs That I Owned But Previously Thought I Didn't Need Taking Up Space In My iTunes Because It Was Uncool. Totally Awesome Husband and I spent most of the day in bed Saturday afternoon, watching Michael Jackson Videos on VH1. We figured we must have seen The Entire Canon at least one time through. Some of these videos we hadn't seen in Years. Like That We Are The World Video. Wow. That's what I call A Hot Mess. Why is Dan Ackroyd there? And Bruce Springsteen Parodies himself. Who thought to include Kenny Loggins? Also, we saw some Video we both had never seen before with Chris Tucker and Marlon Brando. Train Wreck. And then that In The Closet video with Naomi Campbell. That is actually a pretty Good one, mostly because Herb Ritts directed it and it has his polish. But Michael Jackson seems completely oblivious to Hot, Sexy, Female Naomi Campbell writhing away in half a shirt just a few feet away. I haven't watched Videos all day in years.

I read over the weekend that The Jackson Family was looking for A Will and would be holding A Family Meeting. Oh, to be A Fly On The Wall Of A Jackson Family Meeting! LaToya is just Excited she is Invited. Janet sits in the corner, One Boob Hanging Out. And you got to feel Bad for The Jackson Who Is Bequeathed The Elephant Man's Bones. Talk about A Dust Collector. Sorry, Marlon.

I really hope they do some sort of Elaborate Funeral Thing for the guy, ala Princess Diana, but, like at Disneyland. Or like, Embalm Him and put him on tour like James Brown. Maybe he will be buried and emerge from his grave like he does in his Thriller video.

Now that would indeed be Thrilling.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Well, We Definitely All Learned Something.

Today I was playing The Where Game with a group of my Third Graders. This is one of those Basic Theatre Games that teaches a student How To Show An Audience Where One Is without words, simply by really believing in One’s Imagined Activities and Actions. Basically, I give the class A Location and then one by one, each eight year old goes on up and adds a character and activity to our silent story. I might say, “You are at The Gap!” and then a girl will go up and pretend to Fold Clothes and another then goes up and pretends to Fold Clothes and then another will go up and pretend to purchase The Folded Clothes and then another student will Fold Clothes. That’s How You Know You Are In The Gap, apparently. One time I gave them, “The Hospital!” as a location and they all went up on stage and pretended to Throw Up.

Today’s location was “Starbucks!” One by one, the students went up and did Starbucksy Things. One pretended to Make Coffee. Someone else pretended to Type On A Laptop. Lots just stood around and Drank Coffee. It all seemed pretty Realistic, with the exception of One Little Boy who was staggering around the stage, sipping out of his cup like it was a baby bottle or something.

“Remember that Coffee is Hot and doesn’t usually come in bottles. Next time, try to really imagine that cup in your hand and sip your drink. Or pretend there is a straw,” I suggested when our game was through.

“Oh, I wasn’t drinking Coffee, Miss The Daily Randi,” said the student. “I was drinking Whisky.”

Friday, April 24, 2009

What I Did On My Blogging Vacation.

Oh. Hey. Hi, There.

Well, like I said, I have been Pretty Busy these days. My Big Work Project – the one I have been working on since December -- has its World Premiere in two weeks on The School Stage. It is going to be Really Good and Super Cute, I think. Of course, I may be slightly biased, being The Big Work Project’s Director.

Also, I have decided that I Should Go To Graduate School next year! I figured I needed A New Hobby and I like School, so Why Not Take Up More Of That? I am hoping to earn my Masters in Education, with an emphasis on Creative Literacy, which is basically using The Arts to teach Reading and Other Subjects. I am half way through The Application Process and it has taken up a lot of Time. I have had to write, like, Three Statements so far about My Purpose. Which totally Sucks because I am not sure I Have A Purpose, other than Reading Us Magazine and Watching Marathons Of The Hills. Also, I have to take These Stupid Standardized Tests in a few weeks and I have had to Study. And by Study, what I really mean is I have Purchased A Prep Book At Borders And Opened It Twice While Wearing My Glasses And Sitting At A Starbucks. I kind of don’t like Tests. Or Studying for them. Being A Student is Terrific, though. Think of The Discounts!

Other interesting things that have happened in The Last Two Months:

  • The Battery finally Died on my laptop.

  • Totally Awesome Husband got An iPhone.

  • American Idol had been Really Boring this season.

  • You know, like I said, I have been Really Busy. Sometimes it is Good to take A Break and that is What I Have Done.

    And now, It is Good to be Back.

    Sunday, April 19, 2009

    I Was So Busy I Forgot To Blog.

    Dear Readers,

    Please do not Fret! The Daily Randi has been Very Busy and shall be Back To Blogging in just a short while. Maybe even....This Week! Of course, I could be Entertaining you right now with An Exciting Story, rather than writing this I Am Coming Back Soon Note. But, where is The Fun in that?

    In the meantime, don't you watch Oprah? She just joined Twitter and you should, too. Follow me on Twitter if you Need To Know What I Am Doing Every Few Hours until I Blog Again. I am listed as...TheDailyRandi.

    Miss you Lots!


    Wednesday, February 04, 2009

    The Daily Randi And The Mysterious Case Of The Mysterious Race.

    As most of you know, I have been Exercising every single day since the beginning of the year. Twice a week, I take A Dance Class. And the rest of the time, I Walk. I usually travel between three and five miles when I Walk and I tell myself I don’t have to go Very Fast. My Walk is just an hour or so alone with Me.

    One of the Benefits of Walking So Much is that I get out of the house and See Things. Like That Green Matching Outfit Couple I wrote about a few weeks ago. But, I have seen other things, too. For example, there is A Paper Making Store up my street! Who Knew? Also, one of our neighbors collects Garden Gnomes! I never noticed them before because Said Neighbor only likes Extra Tiny Garden Gnomes and you have to be Walking By to see them. Best of all, I think I have finally figured out Who The Person Is Who Doesn’t Pick Up After Their Dog! This is A Mystery that has been Plaguing Me for weeks. Apparently, there is A Man who accompanies several dogs to the dog park around the corner and I have personally watched A Pooch Poop while Pup Person plays Too Pooped To Poop-Remove. Walking has turned me into (An Alliterating) Nancy Drew!

    Now on to The Next Mystery: Last Sunday, Totally Awesome Husband I ran A Local Race. He did The 10K and I did The 5K. My race was first. After I was done (in Record Time for Me) I waited at The Finish Line to watch Totally Awesome Husband complete his run. But in between there was A Baby Buggy 10K just ending. Moms and Dads racing with kids in literal tow were running their races at rapid pace. And some of these parents were Super Fast! I have to think that each Baby Buggy has its own special aero-dynamics going on because some were obviously Quicker than Others. Clearly, some parents went for Speed over Safety when choosing a baby carriage. And these parents had Odd Racing Strategies. The Winning Baby Buggy Racer actually pushed his baby buggy about ten feet ahead and then ran to catch up with it before pushing it again. I tried The Same Strategy on Easily Annoyed Sister when she was A Baby and it resulted in Lots Of Blood, A Large Scar On Her Forehead That She Hides To This Day With Her Hair, and Her Lifelong Resentment Of All Things Me. This guy earned A Medal. I hope he gave The Medal to His Baby, because I think, technically, The Buggy beat him by about Ten Seconds. Hmmm….

    I may need to form A Running Group with The Hardy Boys to get to the bottom of This One.