Freaking Oprah Update.
Gosh, I am So Angry.
This week when I went to Weigh In, The Scale said I Gained 1.4 Pounds. GAINED. I am So Mad I could Throw Up, except then I would be Bulimic and need yet another support group. In case you are keeping track: I gained back The Measly .4 Pounds I lost The Week Before that I was Every So Grateful For and put on One More Pound just for Good Luck.
Really, I should just write A Very Nasty Letter to Freaking Oprah because I Blame Her. That's because I have decided to Project all of My Anger At The Scale And The Twenty-Six (Now Twenty Seven) Pounds I Have Gained Back at Freaking Oprah instead. Or maybe I should examine What I Did Differently This Week. That is What They Always Tell Us To Do Anyhow. So, without further adieu, here is A Brief List Of Things I Did Differently This Week In My Effort To Lose Weight (And Not Gain More):
1. Instead of Never Exercising, I Exercised Seven Freaking Days.
2. Instead of Accidentally Forgetting To Write Down Everything I Ate And Drank, I actually Remembered To Do It Seven Freaking Days.
3. Instead of Drinking A Glass Of Wine every night, I Drank None and Drank Tons Of Water in its place for Seven Freaking Days.
4. Instead of Guessing How Big My Meal Portions Were, I Measured And Weighed everything for Seven Freaking Days.
All I can hope is that Next Week, I Lose 15 Pounds to make up for My Freaking Anger At Freaking Oprah. Or, just Lose. Losing Anything would be Nice. I am even up for Losing My Car Keys. I am not worried! I have Triple A.
But, I would particularly like to Lose Oprah. This week, That Bitch turned into A Freaking Frenemy.
This week when I went to Weigh In, The Scale said I Gained 1.4 Pounds. GAINED. I am So Mad I could Throw Up, except then I would be Bulimic and need yet another support group. In case you are keeping track: I gained back The Measly .4 Pounds I lost The Week Before that I was Every So Grateful For and put on One More Pound just for Good Luck.
Really, I should just write A Very Nasty Letter to Freaking Oprah because I Blame Her. That's because I have decided to Project all of My Anger At The Scale And The Twenty-Six (Now Twenty Seven) Pounds I Have Gained Back at Freaking Oprah instead. Or maybe I should examine What I Did Differently This Week. That is What They Always Tell Us To Do Anyhow. So, without further adieu, here is A Brief List Of Things I Did Differently This Week In My Effort To Lose Weight (And Not Gain More):
1. Instead of Never Exercising, I Exercised Seven Freaking Days.
2. Instead of Accidentally Forgetting To Write Down Everything I Ate And Drank, I actually Remembered To Do It Seven Freaking Days.
3. Instead of Drinking A Glass Of Wine every night, I Drank None and Drank Tons Of Water in its place for Seven Freaking Days.
4. Instead of Guessing How Big My Meal Portions Were, I Measured And Weighed everything for Seven Freaking Days.
All I can hope is that Next Week, I Lose 15 Pounds to make up for My Freaking Anger At Freaking Oprah. Or, just Lose. Losing Anything would be Nice. I am even up for Losing My Car Keys. I am not worried! I have Triple A.
But, I would particularly like to Lose Oprah. This week, That Bitch turned into A Freaking Frenemy.
Labels: Freaking Oprah, The Daily Randi Flies Off The Handle, Weight Watchers The Wolfman and Me
posted by The Daily Randi at 4:56 PM
3 Comments:
There's also the issue of where you are in your cycle, what you had before you weighed in, and have you been eating a lot of salt? Two pounds is nothing for women to fluctuate.
Also, if you haven't been working out and then go to every day - regardless of whether it's weightlifting-type stuff or not - you'll have a tendency to retain water due to muscle repair - this will eventually even out.
Are you taking measurements? Are you pants looser? I know that WW gauges by the scale, but there are other indicators in a situation like this.
(Can you tell I used to train people?)
Keep track of how your clothes fit, and inches, not just pounds on the scale.
Better luck next week.
Ditto the Slackmistresses comment (except that part about training people, because I don't and never have).
But hon, I bet next week you lose 2.5!
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