Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Climb Every Mountain

The Hills! As you well know, I Live For This Show. Okay. Liveblogging. Enjoy.

10:01
Whitney needs to RLOTSTML. (Really Lay Off The Secret Text Message Language.) She just said, Out Loud, “OMG.” (Oh My God) Last week, it was “WTF.” (What The F*ck.) Is this How The Kids are Talking these days? I feel O. (Old.)

10:02
Okay. Heidi at Work. How do you know The Show Is Set Up? Who walks into Work and asks Their Coworker, “Are you Working?” I mean, Duh, You Guys are Supposed To Be Working! You are at Work! People Work when they are At Work. That’s How It, um, Works.
Talk turns to The Fake-Fake Engagement Ring. Fake Oohs and Fake Aahs over Her Very Fake Looking Fake Ring.

Mention of something called “A Lingerie Brunch.”

I just heard Heidi say, “But if you met a Spencer at my age, it’s a whole different thing.” Which is Funny to me because probably Every Woman can say They Met A Spencer at Age Twenty. And then They tell you They Broke Up With Him about Six Months Later. I am Totally with Heidi about The Spray Pained Wall in her Apartment, though. It is Hideous. Well, The Kitchen Partition Painting Part isn’t all that Bad. I mean, I could personally Live With It. It kind of reminds me of That Louis Vuitton Handbag Pattern that was All The Rage three years ago. Of course, I rather have The Louis Vuitton Handbag. But, if I kept My Credit Cards and Change on The Kitchen Counter, it could work Just The Same.

10:03
Spencer and Brody are Man Shopping together. They look like they are wearing The Same Clothes they wore when they picked out Spencer’s Fake-Fake Engagement Ring. Or, maybe Brody only owns One Shirt.

10:04
Lauren just walked into her “Work” and asked Whitney – Who WORKS there –“Are you Working?” Maybe this should be A New Drinking Game. Of course, Lauren may just be Confused because she doesn’t Actually Work. She Interns/Looks Cute/ Stares Blankly At Her Computer Screen Whilst Contemplating Relationships And Failed Friendships.

Poor Whitney. I really get The Impression Whitney is So Pissed she has signed on to be The Voice Of Reason for A Whole New Season. She probably thought Her Promotion at Teen Vogue was Her Way Out – But The Hills Keep Pulling Her Back In!!!!

10:05
Spencer and Heidi’s Hollywood Apartment. This is So Not The Typical Hollywood Apartment. It lacks Five Year Old Carpeting, Bars On The Window, and Ancient Russian Neighbors. Any minute now, Irina, The Fifty Year Old Woman Who Lives Above Them should Knock On Their Door and offer them Borscht. Then maybe I would believe They Actually Live In A Hollywood Apartment.

But, it doesn’t matter because Spencer obviously thinks he lives In A Very Upscale Dorm Room, instead. He shows Heidi A Vintage Arcade Game he just bought. He tells her, he went “Shopping With Brody.” But, what He Really Means to say is, “Brody Paid For This With His Credit Card!”

10:06

Ahhhh. Justin Bobby. Finally. God, he is A Tool. And An Ass. But, I mean, when did Lauren become The Expert On Perfect Relationships. Um, Jason? Rehab Jason? Anyone? He was just as much of A Loser!

Oh -- I hope Jason’s Back Next Week!

10:13
Lauren and My Sweet Audrina lounge around Their Pool. Enough Said.

10:14
Spencer and Heidi’s Apartment. Does Spencer Dye His Hair?

I Love their Conversation about The Difference between A Decision and A Surprise. Heidi is Angry because Spencer made The Decision To Paint Their Wall On His Own, without Consulting Her. But, Spencer argues, The Graffiti Painting was “A Surprise” and Not A Decision. Which I am sure is The Same Argument he will give Heidi when she Inevitable Walks In On Him And Another Woman. “You made The Decision To Cheat Me!” Heidi will cry. And Spencer will argue, “SURPRISE!!!!!!”

10:16
PINKBERRY!!!!!!

Quote Of The Night

Lo: “Eat your Pinkbery and Enjoy Life!”

Well said, Lo. Well Said.

10:23
Oh. Charcoal. I didn’t even know it was Open already. Been meaning to Go.

I really need Justin Bobby to Cut His Hair. I believe he is Suffering from Hair In His Hey Day, My Long Held Theory that Some People have A Difficult Time recognizing that Their Hey Day has Passed and so they Hold On To The Hair Do they had in Their Hey Day. Justin’s Hey Day was obviously The Year, 1997, when he was Twelve.

Jeeze, he is feeding My Sweet Audrina such LINES!!! “Let’s just be cool with each other.” Boys use This Line when they want Girls to Feel Bad for Calling Them Out On Their Bullshit. What he Really Means is, “I still want to Sleep With You. But, on My Terms. Agree To Them.” I so wish he would at least Make Eye Contact with My Sweet Audrina when he was Talking To/Conniving Her.

10:27
Spencer and Heidi. Yeah. I am Done With Them. I Get It – Spencer is An Asshole, Heidi Puts Up With It. Send in Lauren. We need A Good Cat Fight.

WTF! The Show is Over? Oh, well. I’m Out. I suddenly am craving Pinkberry. See you Next Week, Hills... See you Next Week.

8 comments:

mrsmogul said...

GREAT! Now I don't have to watch it :)

Nanette said...

Ha, ha! That was awesome!

Hilary said...

Wait, wasn't it Heidi's coworker who said OMG when she was looking at the ring? Not that I watch the show that closely or anything...

Go Nicole Yourself said...

Cheers to Truth and Time, TDR!

Michael said...

10:01 Randi's boyfriend tries to watch her favorite show with her.

10:02 bf is bored. wonders what's up with all these washed-out white women.

10:04 bf plays funk music on the stereo

10:05 Randi tells bf to turn that shit off; she's trying to watch

10:10 bf tries to get it on w/Randi, gets ignored for a guy named Ricky Bobby or something

10:15 bf realizes he's not gonna get Randi's attn.

10:18 bf sulks off to other room to watch "Mythbusters" on the Discovery Channel

Green said...

You know how when some guys get the tips of their hair highlighted, they have to wear that weird little cap and the hairdresser has to pull random strands through the holes in the cap to highlight them? That's what I think Spencer has done to his hair. But I think his hairdresser goes to meet him at his parent's house and his mom makes the appointment because he's too embarrassed.

Justin Bobby is horrible. He must die. I mean, must go crawl back under whatever rock he came from.

When did Lo move to LA?

Poor Your Sweet Audrina - she honestly looked sad when she said she hadn't had a relationship in 3 or 4 years (episode before this one).

Julie said...

I thought of you yesterday. I was on the Upper West Side and saw a sign in a vacant storefront: Pinkberry coming soon. It's spreading!

Also, what is with boyfriends thinking while we're watching our show is a good time to "get it on"? Mine does that All The Time. Trying to get some while I am watching America's Next Top Model is not the way to the bedroom, my friend.

Amanda said...

I knew Justin before he was "Justin Bobby", last thing I knew he was in a band in Los Angeles called EdstanleY.

He was playing drums for another sexy,introspective, chill musician in LA named Scott Gripe.

Their sound is super unique and I'm thinkin in time it could be huge.

Here's their myspace url if u check em out:

http://www.myspace.com/edstanley