As most of you know, I have been Exercising every single day since the beginning of the year. Twice a week, I take A Dance Class. And the rest of the time, I Walk. I usually travel between three and five miles when I Walk and I tell myself I don’t have to go Very Fast. My Walk is just an hour or so alone with Me.
One of the Benefits of Walking So Much is that I get out of the house and See Things. Like That Green Matching Outfit Couple I wrote about a few weeks ago. But, I have seen other things, too. For example, there is A Paper Making Store up my street! Who Knew? Also, one of our neighbors collects Garden Gnomes! I never noticed them before because Said Neighbor only likes Extra Tiny Garden Gnomes and you have to be Walking By to see them. Best of all, I think I have finally figured out Who The Person Is Who Doesn’t Pick Up After Their Dog! This is A Mystery that has been Plaguing Me for weeks. Apparently, there is A Man who accompanies several dogs to the dog park around the corner and I have personally watched A Pooch Poop while Pup Person plays Too Pooped To Poop-Remove. Walking has turned me into (An Alliterating) Nancy Drew!
Now on to The Next Mystery: Last Sunday, Totally Awesome Husband I ran A Local Race. He did The 10K and I did The 5K. My race was first. After I was done (in Record Time for Me) I waited at The Finish Line to watch Totally Awesome Husband complete his run. But in between there was A Baby Buggy 10K just ending. Moms and Dads racing with kids in literal tow were running their races at rapid pace. And some of these parents were Super Fast! I have to think that each Baby Buggy has its own special aero-dynamics going on because some were obviously Quicker than Others. Clearly, some parents went for Speed over Safety when choosing a baby carriage. And these parents had Odd Racing Strategies. The Winning Baby Buggy Racer actually pushed his baby buggy about ten feet ahead and then ran to catch up with it before pushing it again. I tried The Same Strategy on Easily Annoyed Sister when she was A Baby and it resulted in Lots Of Blood, A Large Scar On Her Forehead That She Hides To This Day With Her Hair, and Her Lifelong Resentment Of All Things Me. This guy earned A Medal. I hope he gave The Medal to His Baby, because I think, technically, The Buggy beat him by about Ten Seconds. Hmmm….
I may need to form A Running Group with The Hardy Boys to get to the bottom of This One.
Showing posts with label Santa Monica. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Santa Monica. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Idle Idols.
Totally Awesome Husband is Very Excited today!
Why?
Because American Idol -- Totally Awesome Husband's Favorite Show Ever Ever Ever -- premieres tonight! And we get to watch it on Our Brand New Giant Television! And in High Definition! Although, I don't really notice Too Much of a difference between Regular Old Television and High Definition Television. I think things are supposed to be Appear Clearer, so maybe tonight I will finally be able to understand Why Some People Think They Can Sing When They Clearly Can't. Or, What The Freak Paula Is On. I am really hoping that The Picture will be As Crisp as Ryan Seacrest's Hair. Regardless, HDTV should One Hundred Percent enhance our American Idol Experience.
Of course, it being American Idol Season, our neighbors have started up Santa Monica Idol once again. Santa Monica Idol is when The Teenage Girl Who Lives Across The Street And Wears All Black And Hates Her Mother And Her Brothers And Seems To Have Some Sort Of Skater Boifrenemy sits on her stoop and Sings Nickleback Songs At The Top Of Her Lungs. We Judge. She doesn't ask us to, but Totally Awesome Husband and I can't help ourselves. I feel bad for her so I tell her that Her Heart Is Gold And She Is Just Not Ready For Santa Monica Idol This Year And She Should Not Give Up And Instead Come Back Next Year And That Boy Is Just Not Into Her And She Shouldn't Put Up With His Constant Skating Away When She Is Trying To Talk To Him And Doesn't She Know It Is Eleven PM. Totally Awesome Husband just tells her She Sucks and to Shut The F*ck Up. She usually Stops Singing after her Critique. But, she always comes back The Next Year.
Perhaps Our Approach is Not Neighborly. We really should just tell her she is Going To Hollywood and maybe she actually Will. After all, it is only like a Ten Minute Drive, minus Traffic. That way things would be Quite around here. I suppose I could give her a ride.
But then I might miss American Idol! And we all know I can't let That happen. Santa Monica Idol is just not a fair substitute.
It's just A Very Annoying One.
Why?
Because American Idol -- Totally Awesome Husband's Favorite Show Ever Ever Ever -- premieres tonight! And we get to watch it on Our Brand New Giant Television! And in High Definition! Although, I don't really notice Too Much of a difference between Regular Old Television and High Definition Television. I think things are supposed to be Appear Clearer, so maybe tonight I will finally be able to understand Why Some People Think They Can Sing When They Clearly Can't. Or, What The Freak Paula Is On. I am really hoping that The Picture will be As Crisp as Ryan Seacrest's Hair. Regardless, HDTV should One Hundred Percent enhance our American Idol Experience.
Of course, it being American Idol Season, our neighbors have started up Santa Monica Idol once again. Santa Monica Idol is when The Teenage Girl Who Lives Across The Street And Wears All Black And Hates Her Mother And Her Brothers And Seems To Have Some Sort Of Skater Boifrenemy sits on her stoop and Sings Nickleback Songs At The Top Of Her Lungs. We Judge. She doesn't ask us to, but Totally Awesome Husband and I can't help ourselves. I feel bad for her so I tell her that Her Heart Is Gold And She Is Just Not Ready For Santa Monica Idol This Year And She Should Not Give Up And Instead Come Back Next Year And That Boy Is Just Not Into Her And She Shouldn't Put Up With His Constant Skating Away When She Is Trying To Talk To Him And Doesn't She Know It Is Eleven PM. Totally Awesome Husband just tells her She Sucks and to Shut The F*ck Up. She usually Stops Singing after her Critique. But, she always comes back The Next Year.
Perhaps Our Approach is Not Neighborly. We really should just tell her she is Going To Hollywood and maybe she actually Will. After all, it is only like a Ten Minute Drive, minus Traffic. That way things would be Quite around here. I suppose I could give her a ride.
But then I might miss American Idol! And we all know I can't let That happen. Santa Monica Idol is just not a fair substitute.
It's just A Very Annoying One.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Venetian De-Sight.
Today, I went for a nice, long walk along the Venice Beach Promenade. In case you know nothing about Venice Beach, California, or its Walk Along The Pacific Ocean, I shall fill you in: It is full of Freaks. No, really. It is Freak City. Ironically, there is a Freak Show along the walk that you can pay $10 to enter. But I don’t know Why Anyone Would Pay To See Freaks when Free Freaks Are Plentiful. There are Terrifically Tattooed Types, Pierced People, Snakes, Birds, and Gold Painted Mimes. Muscle Beach – the infamous locale that serves as a workout space for The Exhibitionist Gym/Beach Community is along this path. The whole route smells like the unusual combination of Salt Water and Marijuana. In other words, it’s not the track at your local high school.
Along the path, I noticed A Really Really Obese Couple, dressed entirely in Green Satin. Yes, their outfits Matched. They were just walking along, like any other ordinary couple. Except that they were Really Obese And Dressed In Green Satin. I wondered if they Dressed Alike all the time. Or if Today was Special. Or, maybe it happened By Accident. She put on her Green Satin outfit, came out of the bedroom and discovered that her husband had chosen to wear his Green Satin outfit, too, oh, How Funny, and one of them volunteered to change into the Red Satin outfit, but they were in a rush so they just went out in Matching Green Satin Outfits thinking No One Would Notice, after all who pays attention to such things. Maybe they had their Green Satin Outfits custom made! They were both Huge, so perhaps Regular Clothing didn’t fit them and since they had to have their clothes custom fit, they decided, Hey! Let’s go crazy and do it all in Green Satin! That way, all of our clothing will Match and we will never have to pick and choose What To Wear! Just like Garanimals and everything is in “Alligator”! Maybe couples just begin to Dress Alike after years of being together. And this couple took that idea and ran with it.
When I returned home, I asked Totally Awesome Husband when he thought we might start Wearing Matching Outfits.
“Never,” he said simply.
But then I noticed we were both wearing Jeans and A T-Shirt. So perhaps it has already Started.
Along the path, I noticed A Really Really Obese Couple, dressed entirely in Green Satin. Yes, their outfits Matched. They were just walking along, like any other ordinary couple. Except that they were Really Obese And Dressed In Green Satin. I wondered if they Dressed Alike all the time. Or if Today was Special. Or, maybe it happened By Accident. She put on her Green Satin outfit, came out of the bedroom and discovered that her husband had chosen to wear his Green Satin outfit, too, oh, How Funny, and one of them volunteered to change into the Red Satin outfit, but they were in a rush so they just went out in Matching Green Satin Outfits thinking No One Would Notice, after all who pays attention to such things. Maybe they had their Green Satin Outfits custom made! They were both Huge, so perhaps Regular Clothing didn’t fit them and since they had to have their clothes custom fit, they decided, Hey! Let’s go crazy and do it all in Green Satin! That way, all of our clothing will Match and we will never have to pick and choose What To Wear! Just like Garanimals and everything is in “Alligator”! Maybe couples just begin to Dress Alike after years of being together. And this couple took that idea and ran with it.
When I returned home, I asked Totally Awesome Husband when he thought we might start Wearing Matching Outfits.
“Never,” he said simply.
But then I noticed we were both wearing Jeans and A T-Shirt. So perhaps it has already Started.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Take Out.
Late on Saturday night, Totally Awesome Husband and I went for a walk in Our Neighborhood. We had been cooped up all day and we needed to get out of The House. And I wanted Tea. Not that we don’t have Tea at Home. We Do. I just wanted Out Of The House Tea. I find all things Taste Better when Devoured Out Of The House. Tea, for one. Wine tastes real good Out Of The House. So does Dinner. Plus, when you are at Home, you have to Make These Things so that helps enhance The Delicious Out Of The House Flavor. Okay, you don’t have to Make Wine at Home. But, it would be Funny if you did! The World would be full of a lot of Tired Wine-os and Purple Bathtubs.
While on our walk, we came across A Young Kid excitedly taking photos of himself in front of an old car. Standing there in front of the car, with his cellphone held out and posing seductively, he sort of looked like A Freak. We giggled as we walked by.
“Hey!” he called to us defensively. “Did you see this?!” He pointed to The Old Car. “They don’t make them like they used to, huh?! 1985!!” And then he went back to his Supermodel Ways, muttering, “I can’t wait to load this up on Facebook!”
Yes, it was A Freaking Sportscar from 1985. 1985!! That’s what they consider Old these days, I guess. That’s also The Year I Got My Drivers’ License.
Of course, The Young Kid taking the pics was probably born in 1986. Perhaps he was Conceived In The Backseat Of One and that is Why He Was So Excited.
More likely? He was made At Home. That’s one flavor that is not always Enhanced when it is Out Of The House.
While on our walk, we came across A Young Kid excitedly taking photos of himself in front of an old car. Standing there in front of the car, with his cellphone held out and posing seductively, he sort of looked like A Freak. We giggled as we walked by.
“Hey!” he called to us defensively. “Did you see this?!” He pointed to The Old Car. “They don’t make them like they used to, huh?! 1985!!” And then he went back to his Supermodel Ways, muttering, “I can’t wait to load this up on Facebook!”
Yes, it was A Freaking Sportscar from 1985. 1985!! That’s what they consider Old these days, I guess. That’s also The Year I Got My Drivers’ License.
Of course, The Young Kid taking the pics was probably born in 1986. Perhaps he was Conceived In The Backseat Of One and that is Why He Was So Excited.
More likely? He was made At Home. That’s one flavor that is not always Enhanced when it is Out Of The House.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Ah, Sundays.
Friday, I frantically finished knitting A Froggy Hat and Froggy Slippers for Totally Awesome Husband’s Sister’s Baby Shower, which was on Saturday. I thought this was going to take, like 30 Minutes. But, instead it seemed to take me 30 Hours, and I was working on it until The Wee Hours. Of course, I started it over a month ago and just put it all off until The Last Minute. There is nothing like A Deadline to get you moving and grooving. Or, in this case Knitting and Purling. Ah, Procras(knit)nation.
Friday Night, Totally Awesome Husband and I hit The Annual Montana Avenue Holiday Walk In Santa Monica. Here in Los Angeles, all of the little shopping areas get together and keep the stores open past closing time and give out food and drink, one night before the holidays. Except, we got there Late, so Parking was A Bitch. Also, all of The Good Booze was Gone. Everyone had Dogs and Strollers so there was No Where To Walk. Stores were Blasting Very Un-Holiday-Like Music and giving me/everyone A Headache. One of the hair salons had A GUEST LIST to enter. Basically, The Annual Montana Avenue Holiday Walk In Santa Monica should be renamed, The Annual Pain In The Ass Never Doing It Again I Didn’t Even Buy Anything Or Get A Thing To Drink Santa Monica Shopping Experience. It was sort of A Nightmare. And then we did again on Main Street on Saturday Night. Ah, Banging One’s Head Against A (Trendy Store) Wall (In The Name Of Free Booze And Shopping Discounts).
Saturday, I had to go to That Stupid Baby Shower. God, do I Hate these things. Actually, this shower wasn’t So Bad. They didn’t play any Stupid Games and we were permitted to Say The Word, “Baby.” Not that anyone did. All these parents were like 40 and Over It. My Sister-In-Law, who is 42, is having A Baby in like, One Month, by the way. She isn’t Married but she wanted to have A Baby. So she got A Gay Friend to be The Baby Daddy, got Inseminated, and got Immediately Knocked Up. While there, I overheard her say that she had to go to Another Shower on Sunday that was being thrown for The Baby Daddy by his Gay Friends. It was A Gayby Shower! Now, THAT is A Shower I would want to go to! She said it was just going to be Booze and Fabulous Food and they were going to play some Gayby Games, which I told her I was positive would include some sort of Dance-Off and Baby Cher Look-Alike Contest. She mentioned that several of the Baby Daddy’s Other Girl Friends would be at The Gayby Shower. I told her I thought it would be Funny if all the other girls showed up Knocked Up, as well. Ah, Gayby Daddies!
Today, Totally Awesome Husband and I had to go to his Mother’s Unveiling. An Unveiling is A Jewish Custom -- usually A Year After A Death, the Headstone or Marker is literally Unveiled in a short ceremony. His Mother died last October. In the year since she has passed away, Totally Awesome Husband and I got Married and his sister got Pregnant. It has been quite A Year, hasn’t it? We had Family in town and the ceremony was Very Nice and afterwards we all went to Brunch. Ah, Sundays.
Friday Night, Totally Awesome Husband and I hit The Annual Montana Avenue Holiday Walk In Santa Monica. Here in Los Angeles, all of the little shopping areas get together and keep the stores open past closing time and give out food and drink, one night before the holidays. Except, we got there Late, so Parking was A Bitch. Also, all of The Good Booze was Gone. Everyone had Dogs and Strollers so there was No Where To Walk. Stores were Blasting Very Un-Holiday-Like Music and giving me/everyone A Headache. One of the hair salons had A GUEST LIST to enter. Basically, The Annual Montana Avenue Holiday Walk In Santa Monica should be renamed, The Annual Pain In The Ass Never Doing It Again I Didn’t Even Buy Anything Or Get A Thing To Drink Santa Monica Shopping Experience. It was sort of A Nightmare. And then we did again on Main Street on Saturday Night. Ah, Banging One’s Head Against A (Trendy Store) Wall (In The Name Of Free Booze And Shopping Discounts).
Saturday, I had to go to That Stupid Baby Shower. God, do I Hate these things. Actually, this shower wasn’t So Bad. They didn’t play any Stupid Games and we were permitted to Say The Word, “Baby.” Not that anyone did. All these parents were like 40 and Over It. My Sister-In-Law, who is 42, is having A Baby in like, One Month, by the way. She isn’t Married but she wanted to have A Baby. So she got A Gay Friend to be The Baby Daddy, got Inseminated, and got Immediately Knocked Up. While there, I overheard her say that she had to go to Another Shower on Sunday that was being thrown for The Baby Daddy by his Gay Friends. It was A Gayby Shower! Now, THAT is A Shower I would want to go to! She said it was just going to be Booze and Fabulous Food and they were going to play some Gayby Games, which I told her I was positive would include some sort of Dance-Off and Baby Cher Look-Alike Contest. She mentioned that several of the Baby Daddy’s Other Girl Friends would be at The Gayby Shower. I told her I thought it would be Funny if all the other girls showed up Knocked Up, as well. Ah, Gayby Daddies!
Today, Totally Awesome Husband and I had to go to his Mother’s Unveiling. An Unveiling is A Jewish Custom -- usually A Year After A Death, the Headstone or Marker is literally Unveiled in a short ceremony. His Mother died last October. In the year since she has passed away, Totally Awesome Husband and I got Married and his sister got Pregnant. It has been quite A Year, hasn’t it? We had Family in town and the ceremony was Very Nice and afterwards we all went to Brunch. Ah, Sundays.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tales From The Daily Randi.
On Saturday, Totally Awesome Husband and I hosted Our Satanic Monica Pumpkin Carving Massacre, Part II! Basically, we invite all of Our Friends and Their Kids to come over and Go on A Pumpkin Pillage. It was Lots Of Fun!
I make Awesome Pumpkin Seeds! I think The Secret is to Pan Fry Them In Olive Oil before you Bake Them. I sprinkle mine with Cumin, Coarse Salt, and Chili Powder, also.
Get Em While They Are Hot!
This year, I made Tricky Treats, too!
Finger Food, anyone?
This is My Mummy's Recipe!
I have been carving The Same Pumpkin every year since I was A Kid.
Boo!
Totally Awesome Husband did this one with The Spiders. He is more Daring than me when it comes to Pumpkin Carving.
Not Itsy or Bitsy!
Look at What Our Friend Made!
A Spooky Pumpkin Haunted House!
And now, I shall return to The Great Candy Search. I think it may be Behind The DVDs. If I get any Trick-Or-Treaters today, I am going to Invite Them In and have them Help Me Look, under the guise that The Place Is Haunted and The Ghost Likes To Hide The Halloween Candy From Me.
Happy Halloween!!
I make Awesome Pumpkin Seeds! I think The Secret is to Pan Fry Them In Olive Oil before you Bake Them. I sprinkle mine with Cumin, Coarse Salt, and Chili Powder, also.
This year, I made Tricky Treats, too!
I have been carving The Same Pumpkin every year since I was A Kid.
Totally Awesome Husband did this one with The Spiders. He is more Daring than me when it comes to Pumpkin Carving.
Look at What Our Friend Made!
And now, I shall return to The Great Candy Search. I think it may be Behind The DVDs. If I get any Trick-Or-Treaters today, I am going to Invite Them In and have them Help Me Look, under the guise that The Place Is Haunted and The Ghost Likes To Hide The Halloween Candy From Me.
Happy Halloween!!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Ah, Sundays.
Friday, I had The Day Off again. Technically, I should be Working From Home On Fridays. But, right now, there is little to do Work-Wise and I find myself Stumped with What To Do With Myself. This Friday, I went Food Shopping. I Read part of a book. And then I Took A Nap. Later, after Totally Awesome Husband came home from work, we went out for Dinner at That Tapas Place Down The Block That We Recently Tried. Once again, it was Delicious. In a few months, this Friday To Myself With No Work To Do all goes to Pot, so I better Enjoy It. Ah, Time Off…For Now.
Friday Night, I broke down and joined Facebook. My 20 Year High School Reunion is in Two Weeks and I am not going. Because I just took Time Off for My Honeymoon, I can’t ask for More Time Off From Work. And it just doesn’t seem worth it to Fly Back East In A Span Of Two Days just to See People I Haven’t Spoken To In Twenty Years. Plus, I would have to Rent A Car, Find A Hotel, etc. So, I Nixed It. I am kind of Sad that I won't Be There. Thus, I decided to have My Own Reunion on Facebook! I can’t get over How Many Old Friends have reconnected with me over the past 48 Hours. I am talking Pre-school Pals! If you are reading this and want to be My Facebook Friend, go ahead and Ask Me. If you Know How To Do BeFacebookFriend Me, I will BeFacebookFriend you. I just can’t promise I will be Hanging Out there too much. Ah, Face(booking) The Music.
Saturday, Totally Awesome Husband and I went to The Bank and opened A Joint Checking Account! I will admit, this was kind of Scary. I mean, we still Pay Our Rent With Separate Checks. But, we had gotten so many Wedding Presents that were Checks Made Out To Mr. And Mrs. Totally Awesome Husband and we had No Where To Deposit Them. This Check-Making Out Thing was particulary annoying because I Did Not Change My Last Name. So, these Checks were only made out to Totally Awesome Husband and were for Him Alone, unless we Opened Up An Account. The Bank was Busy, but we managed to Open An Account and now The Daily Randi and Totally Awesome Husband are Officially In Business together! After that, I Worked. Based on My Drama Workshops, I get booked to do Children’s Parties quite often, and this weekend, I had just such An Occasion. The Party was Really Fun. But, I forgot to Take Pictures for my business website and now I am Kicking Myself. When I came home, Totally Awesome Husband was Starving, as was I. So, we went to One Of Our Favorite Italian Restaurants In Santa Monica, No Not That One. This Italian Place is a bit pricier than The One we usually Dine At. But, we had Stayed In All Week, so we figured we could Splurge. It was D for Delicious. And then later, we joined The Slackmistress and Be The Boy for their Post-Vlog Gathering at A Trendy Hollywood Burger Joint for Cocktails. There was A Lot Of Dining Out on Saturday. I swear, I am Counting Weight Watcher Points! Ah, Other People Cooking For You and Drinking All Your Points.
Today, Totally Awesome Husband and I slept Late. We need Our Beauty Sleep. I read The Paper. Totally Awesome Husband ran Eleven Miles. And then we went for A Walk and Window Shopped and enjoyed A Glass Of Wine at A Trendy Santa Monica Restaurant. I just realized This Weekend was kind of Boring. But, come on – cut us some Slack here. We just had A Month full of Marital Mayhem and Victorious Vacation. Low Key seems just about right these days. Ah, Sundays.
Friday Night, I broke down and joined Facebook. My 20 Year High School Reunion is in Two Weeks and I am not going. Because I just took Time Off for My Honeymoon, I can’t ask for More Time Off From Work. And it just doesn’t seem worth it to Fly Back East In A Span Of Two Days just to See People I Haven’t Spoken To In Twenty Years. Plus, I would have to Rent A Car, Find A Hotel, etc. So, I Nixed It. I am kind of Sad that I won't Be There. Thus, I decided to have My Own Reunion on Facebook! I can’t get over How Many Old Friends have reconnected with me over the past 48 Hours. I am talking Pre-school Pals! If you are reading this and want to be My Facebook Friend, go ahead and Ask Me. If you Know How To Do BeFacebookFriend Me, I will BeFacebookFriend you. I just can’t promise I will be Hanging Out there too much. Ah, Face(booking) The Music.
Saturday, Totally Awesome Husband and I went to The Bank and opened A Joint Checking Account! I will admit, this was kind of Scary. I mean, we still Pay Our Rent With Separate Checks. But, we had gotten so many Wedding Presents that were Checks Made Out To Mr. And Mrs. Totally Awesome Husband and we had No Where To Deposit Them. This Check-Making Out Thing was particulary annoying because I Did Not Change My Last Name. So, these Checks were only made out to Totally Awesome Husband and were for Him Alone, unless we Opened Up An Account. The Bank was Busy, but we managed to Open An Account and now The Daily Randi and Totally Awesome Husband are Officially In Business together! After that, I Worked. Based on My Drama Workshops, I get booked to do Children’s Parties quite often, and this weekend, I had just such An Occasion. The Party was Really Fun. But, I forgot to Take Pictures for my business website and now I am Kicking Myself. When I came home, Totally Awesome Husband was Starving, as was I. So, we went to One Of Our Favorite Italian Restaurants In Santa Monica, No Not That One. This Italian Place is a bit pricier than The One we usually Dine At. But, we had Stayed In All Week, so we figured we could Splurge. It was D for Delicious. And then later, we joined The Slackmistress and Be The Boy for their Post-Vlog Gathering at A Trendy Hollywood Burger Joint for Cocktails. There was A Lot Of Dining Out on Saturday. I swear, I am Counting Weight Watcher Points! Ah, Other People Cooking For You and Drinking All Your Points.
Today, Totally Awesome Husband and I slept Late. We need Our Beauty Sleep. I read The Paper. Totally Awesome Husband ran Eleven Miles. And then we went for A Walk and Window Shopped and enjoyed A Glass Of Wine at A Trendy Santa Monica Restaurant. I just realized This Weekend was kind of Boring. But, come on – cut us some Slack here. We just had A Month full of Marital Mayhem and Victorious Vacation. Low Key seems just about right these days. Ah, Sundays.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Ah, Sundays.
Friday, we had A New Cleaning Lady come in and Clean for us. She did An Amazing Job. And I think we may have found someone Who Cleans And Doesn’t Steal, which is A Big Relief. Three months is Way Too Long to go without A Dusting around here and A Fear Of Disappearing Scotch. Ah, Fresh Scents.
Friday, I also completed making All Of My Stupid Favors. All I have left to do now is to Create The Set Up for My Stupid Escort Cards. I am counting on this being Easy, although I am really just going on A Vision Of What I Would Like It All To Look Like In The End. Hopefully, I will get it done Tomorrow, before I have Nails put on. I would hate to Ruin My Nails. Wait – did I just say something about Not Ruining My Nails? Ah, Statements I Have Never Uttered Before In My Life.
Saturday afternoon, after putting together The Buffet, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I decided to Break Out of Our Restaurant Rut and Try Something New. We always pass This Tapas And Wine Place down the street from us. I suggested, “Let’s Try It!” Guess what? It was Delicious! I can’t believe we have lived here for Over A Year and never ventured in before. We ate Tasty Tapas and Marveled At The Marathon. Ah, Breaking Out Of The Routine.
Today, I had to go to Say It Don’t Spray It Nanette’s Baby Shower! I say Had because I really don’t care for Showers or Babies. But, I do like Nanette! This one was Fun because JustJenn was one of The Co-Hosts! They had a Cereal Bar! And Cupcakes! And, thanfully, nobody made me Hold Their Baby. I hate when people ask me, “Do you want to Hold The Baby?” Because I really Don’t, Thank You. But, I can’t say that, because I don’t want to Insult The Baby Passer Offer. So, I say, “Of course! I would Love To Hold Your Baby!” And then they Hand Me The Baby. And then I get stuck Holding it. For Like, Forever. And I find myself wondering, “How Long Do I Have To Hold This Stupid Baby?” I Hate That. Also, they didn’t make us play any of Those Awful Shower Games. Although, I happen to be A Pro at that Baby Food Tasting Guessing Game. I guess I have The Palate for it. They just made us Eat Delicious Adult Food and Stuff. So that was Okay. Ah, Sundays.
Friday, I also completed making All Of My Stupid Favors. All I have left to do now is to Create The Set Up for My Stupid Escort Cards. I am counting on this being Easy, although I am really just going on A Vision Of What I Would Like It All To Look Like In The End. Hopefully, I will get it done Tomorrow, before I have Nails put on. I would hate to Ruin My Nails. Wait – did I just say something about Not Ruining My Nails? Ah, Statements I Have Never Uttered Before In My Life.
Saturday afternoon, after putting together The Buffet, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I decided to Break Out of Our Restaurant Rut and Try Something New. We always pass This Tapas And Wine Place down the street from us. I suggested, “Let’s Try It!” Guess what? It was Delicious! I can’t believe we have lived here for Over A Year and never ventured in before. We ate Tasty Tapas and Marveled At The Marathon. Ah, Breaking Out Of The Routine.
Today, I had to go to Say It Don’t Spray It Nanette’s Baby Shower! I say Had because I really don’t care for Showers or Babies. But, I do like Nanette! This one was Fun because JustJenn was one of The Co-Hosts! They had a Cereal Bar! And Cupcakes! And, thanfully, nobody made me Hold Their Baby. I hate when people ask me, “Do you want to Hold The Baby?” Because I really Don’t, Thank You. But, I can’t say that, because I don’t want to Insult The Baby Passer Offer. So, I say, “Of course! I would Love To Hold Your Baby!” And then they Hand Me The Baby. And then I get stuck Holding it. For Like, Forever. And I find myself wondering, “How Long Do I Have To Hold This Stupid Baby?” I Hate That. Also, they didn’t make us play any of Those Awful Shower Games. Although, I happen to be A Pro at that Baby Food Tasting Guessing Game. I guess I have The Palate for it. They just made us Eat Delicious Adult Food and Stuff. So that was Okay. Ah, Sundays.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Apparently, I Am Too Old For A White Wedding.
Tonight, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I were sitting at The Counter of one of our favorite restaurants. We are in A Restaurant Rut. Every time we decide we want to Go Out To Eat, we both rattle off All The Same Old Places. Then, we go to One Of These Places and while we are eating, we Complain That We Never Try Anything New. And then we Do That All Again The Next Time. See? Restaurant Rut!
Anyhow, we were eating dinner and I noticed a young girl wearing a Flashdanced Billy Idol T-Shirt. This Girl could not have been older than 28. Thirty at the max.
“Do you That Billy Idol T-Shirt that That Girl is wearing is Authentic? Or do you think she bought it at Some Vintage T-Shirt Place?” I asked Totally Awesome Fiancé.
“Vintage,” he replied, not missing a beat.
I Agreed. That Girl was Too Young to remember A Time when Billy Idol Was Real, Not Retro. And then, I felt Old. Mostly because I think I Owned The Authentic Version Of The Shirt at some time in my life. I must have given it Away years ago. Maybe that was My Shirt!
I do still have my Madonna Like A Virgin Tour T-Shirt! It is folded Very Neatly in My T-Shirt Drawer. I saved it all this time because it has Sentimental Value. It was My First Concert Ever and I went there with My First Boyfriend Ever. We had 24th Row Seats at Madison Square Garden and I remembered My Mom bought them from An Illegal Scalper she found in Newsday. The Illegal Scalper promised Delivery, and when he finally arrived at Our House Alllllllll The Way Out on Eastern Long Island, I remember The Scalper grumbled, “I had no idea Long Island Was So Fucking Long.” Later, during The Summer, one of The Cute Counselors at Summer Camp picked me as Peanut Pal, which is sort of like Secret Santa just Not At Christmas Time, and The Cute Counselor had someone sneak in to my cabin to steal My Madonna Like A Virgin Tour T-Shirt so that he could wear it at The Peanut Pal Parade and show that he was My Peanut Pal. I was So Honored! So, I had to Save The Shirt! No Give Aways here!
Of course, I haven’t worn it in years and years. It is kind of Out Of Date now. The sleeves are Too Long. (In fact, they were Too Long then. We used to Roll Up The Sleeves!) And The Logo is not printed in The Cutest Place, just over The Boobage Area. A few years ago, I decided to wear The Shirt To A Trendy Los Angeles Mall Center, just on a whim. A Young Kid stopped me.
“Hey! Cool Shirt! Where did you buy it?” The Young Kid asked.
“Um…Madison Square Garden. In 1985.”
Here’s hoping he thought I was talking about A New Vintage T-Shirt Store On Melrose Avenue and not thinking, “That Woman is Really Really Old.”
Anyhow, we were eating dinner and I noticed a young girl wearing a Flashdanced Billy Idol T-Shirt. This Girl could not have been older than 28. Thirty at the max.
“Do you That Billy Idol T-Shirt that That Girl is wearing is Authentic? Or do you think she bought it at Some Vintage T-Shirt Place?” I asked Totally Awesome Fiancé.
“Vintage,” he replied, not missing a beat.
I Agreed. That Girl was Too Young to remember A Time when Billy Idol Was Real, Not Retro. And then, I felt Old. Mostly because I think I Owned The Authentic Version Of The Shirt at some time in my life. I must have given it Away years ago. Maybe that was My Shirt!
I do still have my Madonna Like A Virgin Tour T-Shirt! It is folded Very Neatly in My T-Shirt Drawer. I saved it all this time because it has Sentimental Value. It was My First Concert Ever and I went there with My First Boyfriend Ever. We had 24th Row Seats at Madison Square Garden and I remembered My Mom bought them from An Illegal Scalper she found in Newsday. The Illegal Scalper promised Delivery, and when he finally arrived at Our House Alllllllll The Way Out on Eastern Long Island, I remember The Scalper grumbled, “I had no idea Long Island Was So Fucking Long.” Later, during The Summer, one of The Cute Counselors at Summer Camp picked me as Peanut Pal, which is sort of like Secret Santa just Not At Christmas Time, and The Cute Counselor had someone sneak in to my cabin to steal My Madonna Like A Virgin Tour T-Shirt so that he could wear it at The Peanut Pal Parade and show that he was My Peanut Pal. I was So Honored! So, I had to Save The Shirt! No Give Aways here!
Of course, I haven’t worn it in years and years. It is kind of Out Of Date now. The sleeves are Too Long. (In fact, they were Too Long then. We used to Roll Up The Sleeves!) And The Logo is not printed in The Cutest Place, just over The Boobage Area. A few years ago, I decided to wear The Shirt To A Trendy Los Angeles Mall Center, just on a whim. A Young Kid stopped me.
“Hey! Cool Shirt! Where did you buy it?” The Young Kid asked.
“Um…Madison Square Garden. In 1985.”
Here’s hoping he thought I was talking about A New Vintage T-Shirt Store On Melrose Avenue and not thinking, “That Woman is Really Really Old.”
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Just In Case You Were Worried, Yes I Am Still Alive!
Today we had like, A 5.8 Earthquake. I was just sitting at my computer, minding my own business when I realized, "Oh, this must be An Earthquake!" Okay, that is The Story I Will Tell People. What Really Happened was I was sitting at my computer, realized the desk was Rattling and began to Shout, "OHMYGOD I THINK WE ARE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, WHAT DO I DO????!!! WHAT DO I DO???? WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOO!!!???" while I ran around like a chicken without a head. Totally Awesome Fiancé was in the bathroom, doing Bathroom Stuff. He ran out and told me to Run Outside. And we Did. Then, we turned on the television and found out it was Some Big Quake Out In Orange County. Not near us, but I guess, Big Enough for us to Feel.
This is only The Second Earthquake I Have Ever Been In. Just prior to September 11th, there was A Small Earthquake, I think A 3.0 Something, centered in West Hollywood. But, I felt That and it was Very Scary. At Work, we do Earthquake Drills and when they happen, I Warn The Kids That Their Teacher May Not Know What To Do. They always have to instruct me to Get Down, and Cover My Head. And then, while we are Doing That, I catch a sea of kneeling 8 year olds, exchanging curious, worried glances, wondering Why Their Teacher Seems To Not Know What To Do In An Emergency Drill. I always explain, "We don't Have Earthquakes Where I Come From! We have Hurricanes!" I tell them. But, I don't think they Get It.
So, anyhow, I am Safe and so is Totally Awesome Fiancé. The Best Part is None Of The New Glassware We Received This Morning From Totally Awesome Fiancé's Aunt And Uncle For Our Wedding Is Broken! Because if that had happened, Heads Would Have Rolled, too -- not just Seismic Waves.
This is only The Second Earthquake I Have Ever Been In. Just prior to September 11th, there was A Small Earthquake, I think A 3.0 Something, centered in West Hollywood. But, I felt That and it was Very Scary. At Work, we do Earthquake Drills and when they happen, I Warn The Kids That Their Teacher May Not Know What To Do. They always have to instruct me to Get Down, and Cover My Head. And then, while we are Doing That, I catch a sea of kneeling 8 year olds, exchanging curious, worried glances, wondering Why Their Teacher Seems To Not Know What To Do In An Emergency Drill. I always explain, "We don't Have Earthquakes Where I Come From! We have Hurricanes!" I tell them. But, I don't think they Get It.
So, anyhow, I am Safe and so is Totally Awesome Fiancé. The Best Part is None Of The New Glassware We Received This Morning From Totally Awesome Fiancé's Aunt And Uncle For Our Wedding Is Broken! Because if that had happened, Heads Would Have Rolled, too -- not just Seismic Waves.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Cold (Stone Creamery) Co(nco)cked.
We Heart Cold Stone Creamery. I had Never Been until I started dating Totally Awesome Fiancé. It is Very Delicious. In case you are not familiar with Cold Stone Creamery, it is A Chain Of Ice Cream Stores. They make their own ice cream and then you mix in Tasty Things on this Frozen Counter Thing, like Gummie Bears! Or Fudge Crumbles! No Two Cold Stone Creamery Concoctions are Alike. Some nights, we just turn to each other and say, “Mmmmm. Cold Stone!” And then we go Get Some. We can’t understand Why The Cold Stone On Main Street In Santa Monica Went Out Of Business. We blame Poor Management. It was always Closed. Luckily, there is A Cold Stone on Wilshire. It is A Drive, but Worth The Trip.
Here is My Recipe for The Perfect Cold Stone Creamery Concoction, which I call The Snow Storm From Heaven, because it is All White. Please Enjoy. And Please Feel Free To Share Your Favorite Cold Stone Creamery Concoction, too.
“Like It” To Go
¾ Sinless Vanilla Sweetened With Splenda mixed with ¼ Cake Batter to give it a bit of Flavor.
Add Ins:
Marshmallows
White Chocolate Chips
Optional: Cookie Dough
WARNING: Do Not Devour If You Need To Fit Into A Hip Hugging Wedding Dress Within The Next Five Weeks.
WW Points Value: 1,000,000 Points
Here is My Recipe for The Perfect Cold Stone Creamery Concoction, which I call The Snow Storm From Heaven, because it is All White. Please Enjoy. And Please Feel Free To Share Your Favorite Cold Stone Creamery Concoction, too.
“Like It” To Go
¾ Sinless Vanilla Sweetened With Splenda mixed with ¼ Cake Batter to give it a bit of Flavor.
Add Ins:
Marshmallows
White Chocolate Chips
Optional: Cookie Dough
WARNING: Do Not Devour If You Need To Fit Into A Hip Hugging Wedding Dress Within The Next Five Weeks.
WW Points Value: 1,000,000 Points
Monday, July 14, 2008
An Intimate Dinner Conversation. Sort Of.
Totally Awesome Fiancé and I have A Favorite Restaurant we like to go to. We are probably there Once A Week. The food is Decent. The portions are Huge. Their corkage fee is Only Four Dollars! We go to this place So Frequently, they just Write Down Our Name For A Table when they see us walk in. It is your Basic, Casual, Romantic Italian Dinner Restaurant.
The Restaurant is Tasty, but it isn’t Perfect. The menu never changes. In fact, I could probably Recite The Specials on any given night and not because I Used To Be A Food Server And Got Really Good At Memorizing And Reciting Specials On A Daily Basis. The Specials simply never change! I promise you, if you called them up Right Now, they would tell you they also have A Filet Of Salmon, Sautéed Over A Bed Of Black Linguini With Wild Mushrooms And A Puttanesca Sauce. Because they have it Every Night. See? Not So Special any longer, right?
Another thing that I don’t care for at Our Favorite Place is The Table Arrangements. Parties Of Two are sat Very Close together, so much so that it is like you are having dinner with another couple but have just forgotten to Move The Two Tops Together And Introduce Yourselves. This is sometimes Amusing, like when we are sat next to A Couple On An Obvious First Date. Totally Awesome Fiancé and I like to try and Guess What Date They Are On, a little game we like to call, “First. Second, Third, or Married.” We like to hear them talk about Their Family Back East and How The Dating Scene Has Been For Them So Far. Sometimes, we like to Bet Dessert on whether He Asks Her Out Again.
Last Saturday, however, we were sat next to A Couple On Their Very Last Date. They were Fighting. She was Crying. He kept telling her She Was Ridiculous To Be Angry At Him. Apparently, he was mad Because She Said He Lived Like A King On Her Dime. This made her Start To Curse. She wanted to Leave. He called her Names. Her First Husband was right about him.
Now, normally, I wouldn’t Care. Please! Feel Free To Fight Amongst Yourselves! Except that they were sitting Right Freaking Next To Us. Since they were sitting practically at The Same Table, it was Impossible Not to Listen, which made things Very Uncomfortable. Picture it: Totally Awesome Fiancé and I are trying to Talk About How Excited We Are About Our Wedding and Fighty And Mighty over here are Talking About How Horrible It Is To Be Married. That’s not exactly what I would call A Romantic Dinner For Two.
Luckily, right before our entrees were served, Miss Fighty stormed out and Mr. Mighty paid their bill. Or, attempted to, at least. Miss Fighty was called back in to Take Care Of The Check because Mr. Mighty had No Money. The Next Couple to be sat next to us was Very Quiet and talked a lot about Real Estate and What Time The Babysitter Needed To Be Home By. They barely spoke once their food was served.
“Happily Married, “ I told Totally Awesome Fiancé. He just Smirked and Nodded in Agreement.
And I bet The New Couple Sitting Next To Us probably noticed this and thought, "Engaged."
The Restaurant is Tasty, but it isn’t Perfect. The menu never changes. In fact, I could probably Recite The Specials on any given night and not because I Used To Be A Food Server And Got Really Good At Memorizing And Reciting Specials On A Daily Basis. The Specials simply never change! I promise you, if you called them up Right Now, they would tell you they also have A Filet Of Salmon, Sautéed Over A Bed Of Black Linguini With Wild Mushrooms And A Puttanesca Sauce. Because they have it Every Night. See? Not So Special any longer, right?
Another thing that I don’t care for at Our Favorite Place is The Table Arrangements. Parties Of Two are sat Very Close together, so much so that it is like you are having dinner with another couple but have just forgotten to Move The Two Tops Together And Introduce Yourselves. This is sometimes Amusing, like when we are sat next to A Couple On An Obvious First Date. Totally Awesome Fiancé and I like to try and Guess What Date They Are On, a little game we like to call, “First. Second, Third, or Married.” We like to hear them talk about Their Family Back East and How The Dating Scene Has Been For Them So Far. Sometimes, we like to Bet Dessert on whether He Asks Her Out Again.
Last Saturday, however, we were sat next to A Couple On Their Very Last Date. They were Fighting. She was Crying. He kept telling her She Was Ridiculous To Be Angry At Him. Apparently, he was mad Because She Said He Lived Like A King On Her Dime. This made her Start To Curse. She wanted to Leave. He called her Names. Her First Husband was right about him.
Now, normally, I wouldn’t Care. Please! Feel Free To Fight Amongst Yourselves! Except that they were sitting Right Freaking Next To Us. Since they were sitting practically at The Same Table, it was Impossible Not to Listen, which made things Very Uncomfortable. Picture it: Totally Awesome Fiancé and I are trying to Talk About How Excited We Are About Our Wedding and Fighty And Mighty over here are Talking About How Horrible It Is To Be Married. That’s not exactly what I would call A Romantic Dinner For Two.
Luckily, right before our entrees were served, Miss Fighty stormed out and Mr. Mighty paid their bill. Or, attempted to, at least. Miss Fighty was called back in to Take Care Of The Check because Mr. Mighty had No Money. The Next Couple to be sat next to us was Very Quiet and talked a lot about Real Estate and What Time The Babysitter Needed To Be Home By. They barely spoke once their food was served.
“Happily Married, “ I told Totally Awesome Fiancé. He just Smirked and Nodded in Agreement.
And I bet The New Couple Sitting Next To Us probably noticed this and thought, "Engaged."
Friday, July 04, 2008
The Daily Randi Goes To A Parade!
Today, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I got up early to grab a good spot for the Second Annual Santa Monica Main Street Parade! We went to The First Parade last year and it was So Much Fun. This year, The Parade was even Bigger! I LOVE Parades!
I can see The Parade making its way down to us! Yay!!
Look! Teenage Flag Carriers!
Apparently, Daddy Warbucks is running for President!
America celebrates his Bar Mitzvah.
Here's hoping The Fourth Of July marched a little Fun into your life today, too!
Here's hoping The Fourth Of July marched a little Fun into your life today, too!
Monday, June 02, 2008
Rock Lobster
This is My Sunburned Shoulder.
Ow.
Yes, it Hurts. Yes, The Rest Of Back looks like this, too. Yes, I was outside today in Sunny Santa Monica, Sans Sunscreen. Yes, I know this was A Very Foolish Thing To Do. Yes, I put Aloe on it. Yes, I took Aspirin.
No, I won't make This Mistake ever ever again.
Yes, it Hurts. Yes, The Rest Of Back looks like this, too. Yes, I was outside today in Sunny Santa Monica, Sans Sunscreen. Yes, I know this was A Very Foolish Thing To Do. Yes, I put Aloe on it. Yes, I took Aspirin.
No, I won't make This Mistake ever ever again.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Age Old Story.
Late afternoon, on Memorial Day, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I decided we should Go For A Walk. And so We Did. I thought we would just be going around the block or so, so I took Nothing with me. Naturally, this meant we ended up down by The Beach, where all the stores and restaurants are. It was nice not to have the burden of carrying a purse and stuff. But, it also meant I Couldn’t Buy Things. I like to Buy Things. So, that kind of Sucked.
It was a Beautiful, Warm Night and we ended up staying out for quite a while. And then we got The Bright Idea to go to A Bar! For A Drink! I was craving some sort of Holiday Margarita-ish Thing and Totally Awesome Fiancé likes to eat The Nuts they put out at One Of Our Favorite Places. We walked in and took a seat on two stools by the bar.
It was then that I remembered, I had left the house with Nothing. Totally Awesome Fiancé was buying. But what if they Proofed Me? Ahhh, shucks. I Never Get Proofed anymore. It’s kind of insulting. I used to get Proofed all the time! But, I would say about Three Years Ago, all Proofing Of Me Ceased. Now when I buy Wine at the grocery store, I see cashiers eye me closely, and then scoff at the notion of Needing To See My Driver’s License. I don’t know what they See that makes them Stop. I am guessing it is The Old Lady Wrinkles and The Grey Hair. Now, I wouldn’t say we were Regulars at this establishment. But, the place is in Our Standard Rotation for Places We Like To Go When We Decide Cocktails Are In Order. So, you would think, the waitstaff would recognize us somewhat and know I Am Very Old. But, No. I ordered The Holiday Margaritia-ish Thing and was instantly Proofed.
“I don’t have Anything on me!” I pleaded. “We just went for A Walk!”
Totally Awesome Fiancé pulled out his wallet and his ID. “You can see mine.”
And then to The Entire Bar I announced, “I’m 38 Years Old!!” Now, who in their right mind would shout that out at A Los Angeles Bar if it weren’t True? To appease the doubting eye of the bartender I added, “You can look real close at me and see I Am Really Old! I have Old Lady Wrinkles! Look!”
The bartender still seemed to require More Proof. “Ask me about Life In The 1970’s!” I suggested.
And realizing this made me Really Old because she would only know The Answers To Questions About Life In The 1980’s herself, she let me off the hook and Served Me.
I wish I could say I enjoyed My Holiday Margarita-ish Thing. But, by then it was Late and we were feeling Tired. Us Old Folks need our rest, you know.
It was a Beautiful, Warm Night and we ended up staying out for quite a while. And then we got The Bright Idea to go to A Bar! For A Drink! I was craving some sort of Holiday Margarita-ish Thing and Totally Awesome Fiancé likes to eat The Nuts they put out at One Of Our Favorite Places. We walked in and took a seat on two stools by the bar.
It was then that I remembered, I had left the house with Nothing. Totally Awesome Fiancé was buying. But what if they Proofed Me? Ahhh, shucks. I Never Get Proofed anymore. It’s kind of insulting. I used to get Proofed all the time! But, I would say about Three Years Ago, all Proofing Of Me Ceased. Now when I buy Wine at the grocery store, I see cashiers eye me closely, and then scoff at the notion of Needing To See My Driver’s License. I don’t know what they See that makes them Stop. I am guessing it is The Old Lady Wrinkles and The Grey Hair. Now, I wouldn’t say we were Regulars at this establishment. But, the place is in Our Standard Rotation for Places We Like To Go When We Decide Cocktails Are In Order. So, you would think, the waitstaff would recognize us somewhat and know I Am Very Old. But, No. I ordered The Holiday Margaritia-ish Thing and was instantly Proofed.
“I don’t have Anything on me!” I pleaded. “We just went for A Walk!”
Totally Awesome Fiancé pulled out his wallet and his ID. “You can see mine.”
And then to The Entire Bar I announced, “I’m 38 Years Old!!” Now, who in their right mind would shout that out at A Los Angeles Bar if it weren’t True? To appease the doubting eye of the bartender I added, “You can look real close at me and see I Am Really Old! I have Old Lady Wrinkles! Look!”
The bartender still seemed to require More Proof. “Ask me about Life In The 1970’s!” I suggested.
And realizing this made me Really Old because she would only know The Answers To Questions About Life In The 1980’s herself, she let me off the hook and Served Me.
I wish I could say I enjoyed My Holiday Margarita-ish Thing. But, by then it was Late and we were feeling Tired. Us Old Folks need our rest, you know.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
When God Shows You Lemon (Crème Kisses), You Find Them.
I tend to Obsess about Things. I mean Really Obsess. For example, Sunday, I saw An Ad In The Target Circular for Lemon Crème Hershey Kisses. Now, I have Never tasted A Lemon Crème Hershey Kiss, but I knew, upon seeing The Adorable, Delicious Picture Of Them In The Target Circular, I must Have Them. Never mind that They Are Probably One Million Weight Watcher Points and I may Never Fit Into My Wedding Dress. (I am assuming I Devour The Entire Bag.) Lemon Crème Kisses sound So Tasty! I love Lemon Meringue Pie! Lemon Tarts! Lemons! And, I love Hershey Kisses! And Crème, whatever that is! Yes, I (Probably) Love Crème! How could Lemon Crème Hershey Kisses go wrong?!
So, on Sunday, I promptly got dressed, kissed Totally Awesome Fiancé goodbye, and then I drove to Every Single Santa Monica Store That Could Possibly Sell Candy. But, instead of The Much Coveted Bag Of Lemon Crème Hershey Kisses, I found A Plentiful Supply Of Bags Of All Sorts Of Other Varieties Of Hershey Kisses. There were Chocolate Kisses, Chocolate Marshmallow Kisses, Cherry Cordial Kisses, Chocolate Peanut Butter Kisses, Chocolate Caramel Kisses, Easter Kisses, Candy Coated Kisses, et al. There was Everything except Lemon Crème Freaking Kisses. And, so, I continue to Obsess.
Of course, I suppose I could have simply gone to Target, where I Originally Saw That They Were On Sale. But, going to Target on A Sunday can be such A Headache. Driving around to Every Single Santa Monica Store That Could Possibly Sell Candy?
Yeah, well, I promise, it makes Perfect Sense In This Crazy, Obsessive Head Of Mine.
So, on Sunday, I promptly got dressed, kissed Totally Awesome Fiancé goodbye, and then I drove to Every Single Santa Monica Store That Could Possibly Sell Candy. But, instead of The Much Coveted Bag Of Lemon Crème Hershey Kisses, I found A Plentiful Supply Of Bags Of All Sorts Of Other Varieties Of Hershey Kisses. There were Chocolate Kisses, Chocolate Marshmallow Kisses, Cherry Cordial Kisses, Chocolate Peanut Butter Kisses, Chocolate Caramel Kisses, Easter Kisses, Candy Coated Kisses, et al. There was Everything except Lemon Crème Freaking Kisses. And, so, I continue to Obsess.
Of course, I suppose I could have simply gone to Target, where I Originally Saw That They Were On Sale. But, going to Target on A Sunday can be such A Headache. Driving around to Every Single Santa Monica Store That Could Possibly Sell Candy?
Yeah, well, I promise, it makes Perfect Sense In This Crazy, Obsessive Head Of Mine.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Wherein The Daily Randi Goes Off On Something That Is So Completely Sucky
Tonight, I came home from Work around 8pm. As I parked my car, I noticed Temporary No Parking Signs. These Temporary No Parking Signs were pasted on The Entire Side Of My Street, as well as The Entire Side Of The Street Across From Mine. Since I have Street Parking Only, these Temporary No Parking Signs were Of Deep Concern. I could barely make out When I Could Not Park, since it seemed to be Handwritten in Ballpoint Pen. So, I placed my car in park and got out to Read The Very Hard To Read Because They Were Apparently Written In Ball Point Pen Temporary No Parking Sign.
“Temporary No Parking 2/14-2/22. 8am-5pm”
What The F?? That is Tomorrow! For A Full Freaking Week!
I mean, okay, I wouldn’t mind this So Much if The Temporary No Parking Sign was posted This Morning and I had Some More Notice. Then, I could have let The Whole Totally Awesome Fiancé And I Have No Place To Park For A Week Thing stew in my brain for a bit and I would be Fine by the time I came home from Work. But, I left for Work shortly after Twelve Noon this afternoon and There Were No Temporary No Parking Signs posted. So, this Temporary No Parking Sign is some sort of After I Left For Work Phenomenon and is just Not Fair. And That got me even More Pissed.
What if I had been On Vacation? Huh? What if I was on A Business Trip and Had No Idea That I Could Not Park On My Own Freaking Street? Okay. I don’t go on Business Trips. But, What If? What if My Driving Leg Had Been Accidentally Broken and I Couldn’t Move My Car? Huh? What If? What The Freaking If?
I was So Angry, after I put my Stuff From Work down, I went straight to my computer, to The City Of Santa Monica’s Website and discovered that Temporary No Parking Signs must be Purchased from The City Of Santa Monica and that they Must Be Posted A Minimum Of Twenty Four Hours Prior To The Date And Time Listed. That means These Signs Have Violated The Temporary No Parking Sign Rules! Ha! I am So Going To Call The City Tomorrow And Report This Violation!! Booo!! Hisss!! You can’t tell Me where I Can or Can’t Park My Car, Temporary No Parking Sign People!
Or, maybe I’ll just watch American Idol and Get Over It. You know, Whatever.
What The F?? That is Tomorrow! For A Full Freaking Week!
I mean, okay, I wouldn’t mind this So Much if The Temporary No Parking Sign was posted This Morning and I had Some More Notice. Then, I could have let The Whole Totally Awesome Fiancé And I Have No Place To Park For A Week Thing stew in my brain for a bit and I would be Fine by the time I came home from Work. But, I left for Work shortly after Twelve Noon this afternoon and There Were No Temporary No Parking Signs posted. So, this Temporary No Parking Sign is some sort of After I Left For Work Phenomenon and is just Not Fair. And That got me even More Pissed.
What if I had been On Vacation? Huh? What if I was on A Business Trip and Had No Idea That I Could Not Park On My Own Freaking Street? Okay. I don’t go on Business Trips. But, What If? What if My Driving Leg Had Been Accidentally Broken and I Couldn’t Move My Car? Huh? What If? What The Freaking If?
I was So Angry, after I put my Stuff From Work down, I went straight to my computer, to The City Of Santa Monica’s Website and discovered that Temporary No Parking Signs must be Purchased from The City Of Santa Monica and that they Must Be Posted A Minimum Of Twenty Four Hours Prior To The Date And Time Listed. That means These Signs Have Violated The Temporary No Parking Sign Rules! Ha! I am So Going To Call The City Tomorrow And Report This Violation!! Booo!! Hisss!! You can’t tell Me where I Can or Can’t Park My Car, Temporary No Parking Sign People!
Or, maybe I’ll just watch American Idol and Get Over It. You know, Whatever.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Stay Warm.
It’s been Pouring here in Southern California. And Cold. I mean, Really Really Cold. As I was driving to work, I saw Snow In The Mountains, and I am not talking about The Far Away Mountains. I mean, The Real Close By Mountains. I could even see My Breath, something I haven’t seen since November 2002, which was The Last Time I Was In NYC In The Winter. In other words, I think it is Freezing.
Tonight, Totally Awesome Fiancé decided to take in A Movie. With Nothing On TV, A Ton Of Nominated For Oscars Movies We Haven’t Seen, and The Cold, Rainy Weather, it seemed like A Nice Idea. And it Was. The Movie was Good and it was Fun to be out amongst the quiet streets of Frigid Santa Monica.
After the movie, it was Too Cold for Delicious Pinkberry, so I suggested we go get some Delicious Hot Cocoa at the coffee shop across the street from the theatre. And I told Totally Awesome Fiancé all about how when I was a kid and it Snowed, My Dad’s Favorite Thing To Do would be to Load Up The Station Wagon With My MOM, Easily Annoyed Sister, Myself, and All Our Neighbors and drive down to Our Local Small Town Diner where we would all order Hot Cocoa and Cookies and Other Deliciousness. It would be An Adventure, coasting down the snow-covered street from our house to the main road where The Diner was located. Of course, once we arrived, The Place would be Empty due to the miserable weather. Because it was A Super Small Town, all The Waitresses knew us and were Happy To See And Serve Us on such a quiet night. Sometimes, they would even bring us Treats On The House. Outside the windows of The Diner, I would see The Snow falling over our little town and think, “Wow. It’s So Quiet.” But, I wouldn’t know to think that these wonderful moments were Fleeting Childhood Memories. You don’t realize these things until you are Grown-Up.
When we came home from the movie, I mentioned to Totally Awesome Fiancé that I was going to sit down and Write Today’s Post.
“You should tell that Story you told me earlier. You know, about Your Dad and The Diner. That was A Nice Story,” he told me.
And so, I Have.
(Best Enjoyed while sipping Delicious Hot Cocoa.)
Tonight, Totally Awesome Fiancé decided to take in A Movie. With Nothing On TV, A Ton Of Nominated For Oscars Movies We Haven’t Seen, and The Cold, Rainy Weather, it seemed like A Nice Idea. And it Was. The Movie was Good and it was Fun to be out amongst the quiet streets of Frigid Santa Monica.
After the movie, it was Too Cold for Delicious Pinkberry, so I suggested we go get some Delicious Hot Cocoa at the coffee shop across the street from the theatre. And I told Totally Awesome Fiancé all about how when I was a kid and it Snowed, My Dad’s Favorite Thing To Do would be to Load Up The Station Wagon With My MOM, Easily Annoyed Sister, Myself, and All Our Neighbors and drive down to Our Local Small Town Diner where we would all order Hot Cocoa and Cookies and Other Deliciousness. It would be An Adventure, coasting down the snow-covered street from our house to the main road where The Diner was located. Of course, once we arrived, The Place would be Empty due to the miserable weather. Because it was A Super Small Town, all The Waitresses knew us and were Happy To See And Serve Us on such a quiet night. Sometimes, they would even bring us Treats On The House. Outside the windows of The Diner, I would see The Snow falling over our little town and think, “Wow. It’s So Quiet.” But, I wouldn’t know to think that these wonderful moments were Fleeting Childhood Memories. You don’t realize these things until you are Grown-Up.
When we came home from the movie, I mentioned to Totally Awesome Fiancé that I was going to sit down and Write Today’s Post.
“You should tell that Story you told me earlier. You know, about Your Dad and The Diner. That was A Nice Story,” he told me.
And so, I Have.
(Best Enjoyed while sipping Delicious Hot Cocoa.)
Sunday, November 25, 2007
How I Spent My The Daily Randi 2007 Thanksgiving Weekend
This weekend, it was Thanksgiving!!
Wednesday Night, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I found ourselves watching Hours and Hours of Food Network. They were showing Their Greatest Thanksgiving Hits. All of these Celebrity Chefs were demonstrating Delicious Holiday Things. We literally sat there Staring and Salivating. At one point, I heard Totally Awesome Fiancé moan, “Oh, God,” as we were watching Giada De Laurentiis lovingly Stuff A Turkey. Even I will admit, it was Pretty Hot. Totally Awesome Fiancé said he felt Very Comforted by The Barefoot Contessa because she seems like A Nice Woman, with A Calming Way about her. I decided Sandra Lee is A Big Fat Semi-Homemade Whore.
Now even The Eggplant looks Hot.
Thursday morning, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I woke up at the crack of dawn to run A Turkey Trot! Yay for 5Ks! It was Dark, Cold, and Really Foggy as we made our way to The Big Race. But, by the time we got there, it was Sunny and Cloudless.
I'm Officially Ready To Run!
This Turkey Trot was called “Run For The Hungry,” with Proceeds going to Area Food Banks. Except I thought it was called “Run From The Hungry.” I figured Those Hungry People would be Ravenous and I didn’t want them to Catch Me and Gobble Me All Up, so I made Pretty Good Time. Hands off My Wish Bone, Hungry People! Totally Awesome Fiancé was So Fast, he came in 135th and Placed 6th in his Division! I came in 800 Something Place, but No Hungry People Caught Me. I don’t think Those Hungry People were Trying Very Hard.
Oh, No!! Here come The Hungry!!
After The Race, we came home and watched The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade! I Love The Parade! My Favorite Part are the Broadway Musical Numbers they stage in front of Macy’s. But, that’s because I am A Musical Theatre Geek at Heart. Totally Awesome Fiancé watched with me, even though he said he thought The Musical Theatre Part Of The Parade was Totally Gay.
Legally Blonde? Legally Gay!
We took A Nap and then we were off to Totally Awesome Fiancé’s Sister’s House in West Hollywood. I brought Mini Corn Muffins and Mini Cranberry Orange Muffins. I made them myself! Okay. I Mixed Them. I Mixed Them Myself. Everyone Loved Them and told me What A Good Mixer I was! Totally Awesome Fiancé made Chocolate Pecan Pie. He makes it Every Year. And, Yes, he actually Makes It, not Mixes It. It was Really Good, but Really Rich. I told him Next Year, No Chocolate. But, he said Next Year, he is going to make That Delicious Pumpkin Banana Mousse Pie he saw His New Favorite Cooking Lady, The Barefoot Contessa, make on Wednesday Night. I Can’t Wait!
Good thing The Hungry didn't know about These!
Thanksgiving Dinner was Very Tasty. It was sort of A Low Key Affair this year, because Most of Totally Awesome Fiancé’s Family didn’t fly out for the holiday, seeing as they were all just here a few weeks ago for Totally Awesome Fiancé’s Mother’s Funeral. All everyone wanted to talk about was The Wedding. I told them that We Hadn’t Picked A Place or A Date yet because everywhere we Think Of is Outrageously Expensive. Seriously – we have A Mini Budget compared to Most Weddings. I thought that would Shut Them Up. But, instead, people at Thanksgiving tried offering (Unsolicited) Advice on Where We Should Have The Wedding. Someone suggested The Getty Villa. Oh, Come On! I am sure The Getty Villa is Out Of Our Budget. It is perched on A Cliff, overlooking The Pacific Ocean and is in Malibu. Does Anyone have A Clue as to What These Things Cost, Wedding Wise??? Did I Ask for Help??? I wanted to Scream!!! This sort of Conversation is beginning to get Tedious to me.
Grrrrr!
Friday, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I just Hung Out. That Night, we went Ice Skating!!! Santa Monica has An Ice Skating Rink set up downtown!! It was So Much Fun!!! Surprisingly, it was Hardly Crowded. Totally Awesome Fiancé had not Ice Skated since he was Thirteen. But, he did Fine! He even taught himself to Skate Backwards! We decided that we would form an Ice Skating Team and enter The Olympics, but then we realized, we just don’t have the time to devote to Practicing.
I'm A Regular Dorothy Hamill!
Saturday and Sunday, we did Nothing, too. That’s what Vacations are for. (And Fireplaces.)
Sigh.
And now, for your Viewing Pleasure, I present to you A Slide Show Review of My The Daily Randi 2007 Thanksgiving Weekend, set against Delicate, Animated, Falling Leaves. As usual, Please Enjoy.
Wednesday Night, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I found ourselves watching Hours and Hours of Food Network. They were showing Their Greatest Thanksgiving Hits. All of these Celebrity Chefs were demonstrating Delicious Holiday Things. We literally sat there Staring and Salivating. At one point, I heard Totally Awesome Fiancé moan, “Oh, God,” as we were watching Giada De Laurentiis lovingly Stuff A Turkey. Even I will admit, it was Pretty Hot. Totally Awesome Fiancé said he felt Very Comforted by The Barefoot Contessa because she seems like A Nice Woman, with A Calming Way about her. I decided Sandra Lee is A Big Fat Semi-Homemade Whore.
Thursday morning, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I woke up at the crack of dawn to run A Turkey Trot! Yay for 5Ks! It was Dark, Cold, and Really Foggy as we made our way to The Big Race. But, by the time we got there, it was Sunny and Cloudless.
This Turkey Trot was called “Run For The Hungry,” with Proceeds going to Area Food Banks. Except I thought it was called “Run From The Hungry.” I figured Those Hungry People would be Ravenous and I didn’t want them to Catch Me and Gobble Me All Up, so I made Pretty Good Time. Hands off My Wish Bone, Hungry People! Totally Awesome Fiancé was So Fast, he came in 135th and Placed 6th in his Division! I came in 800 Something Place, but No Hungry People Caught Me. I don’t think Those Hungry People were Trying Very Hard.
After The Race, we came home and watched The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade! I Love The Parade! My Favorite Part are the Broadway Musical Numbers they stage in front of Macy’s. But, that’s because I am A Musical Theatre Geek at Heart. Totally Awesome Fiancé watched with me, even though he said he thought The Musical Theatre Part Of The Parade was Totally Gay.
We took A Nap and then we were off to Totally Awesome Fiancé’s Sister’s House in West Hollywood. I brought Mini Corn Muffins and Mini Cranberry Orange Muffins. I made them myself! Okay. I Mixed Them. I Mixed Them Myself. Everyone Loved Them and told me What A Good Mixer I was! Totally Awesome Fiancé made Chocolate Pecan Pie. He makes it Every Year. And, Yes, he actually Makes It, not Mixes It. It was Really Good, but Really Rich. I told him Next Year, No Chocolate. But, he said Next Year, he is going to make That Delicious Pumpkin Banana Mousse Pie he saw His New Favorite Cooking Lady, The Barefoot Contessa, make on Wednesday Night. I Can’t Wait!
Thanksgiving Dinner was Very Tasty. It was sort of A Low Key Affair this year, because Most of Totally Awesome Fiancé’s Family didn’t fly out for the holiday, seeing as they were all just here a few weeks ago for Totally Awesome Fiancé’s Mother’s Funeral. All everyone wanted to talk about was The Wedding. I told them that We Hadn’t Picked A Place or A Date yet because everywhere we Think Of is Outrageously Expensive. Seriously – we have A Mini Budget compared to Most Weddings. I thought that would Shut Them Up. But, instead, people at Thanksgiving tried offering (Unsolicited) Advice on Where We Should Have The Wedding. Someone suggested The Getty Villa. Oh, Come On! I am sure The Getty Villa is Out Of Our Budget. It is perched on A Cliff, overlooking The Pacific Ocean and is in Malibu. Does Anyone have A Clue as to What These Things Cost, Wedding Wise??? Did I Ask for Help??? I wanted to Scream!!! This sort of Conversation is beginning to get Tedious to me.
Friday, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I just Hung Out. That Night, we went Ice Skating!!! Santa Monica has An Ice Skating Rink set up downtown!! It was So Much Fun!!! Surprisingly, it was Hardly Crowded. Totally Awesome Fiancé had not Ice Skated since he was Thirteen. But, he did Fine! He even taught himself to Skate Backwards! We decided that we would form an Ice Skating Team and enter The Olympics, but then we realized, we just don’t have the time to devote to Practicing.
Saturday and Sunday, we did Nothing, too. That’s what Vacations are for. (And Fireplaces.)
And now, for your Viewing Pleasure, I present to you A Slide Show Review of My The Daily Randi 2007 Thanksgiving Weekend, set against Delicate, Animated, Falling Leaves. As usual, Please Enjoy.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Catching Up With The Daily Randi
That’s right, Folks. I’m Back and I’m Blogging Better Than Ever! Being gone nearly A Month, I have a bit of Catching Up to do. Let’s Begin!
Lindsey Lohan.
What The Fuck? This Photo Cracks Me Up because it looks a lot like The High School Photos of Half The Kids I Graduated With and I Know that they were all Totally High on Picture Day that year because it was also Get High On Picture Day, although The School didn’t list that on The Annual Calendar. The Most Exciting Part of This Story is that it happened Right Down The Street From Where I Live!! Maybe they even Sped Past My House! I’ll have to listen to The 911 Phone Call again and see! How could I have slept through So Much Gossitement? Of course, we all know The Moral Of The Story: If You Have Just Gotten Out Of Your Second Stint In Rehab, Don’t Borrow Jeans If They Have Cocaine In The Pocket. Also: If You Have Just Gotten Out Of Your Second Stint In Rehab, Don’t Borrow Cocaine And Then Stick The Rest In Your Jean’s Pocket. Finally: Don’t Party With Your Sponsor. They teach this sort of thing in NA, don’t they? They have got to be some of The Twelve Steps.
.........................................................................
The Other Night, Totally Awesome Boyfriend took me Rock Climbing! He has friends who belong to A Rock Climbing Gym here in Los Angeles and it was Guest Night, which meant we could come in and Climb For Free! Rock Climbing was Fun, if you don’t mind everyone Staring Up At Your Fat Ass as you hang Helplessly From A Rope. I’ve been Working On My Ass, so I was Willing to give it A Shot. But, Half-Way Up, I looked Down and remembered I was Afraid Of Heights. I had Totally Forgot about That Fact before I started my ascent and when I Suddenly Remembered, I began Screaming, “HELP! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! I AM HANGING FOR MY LIFE!!!” which, apparently is Frowned Upon at Rock Climbing Gyms. I had No Choice to Forget About How Freaking High I Was and Climb To The Top. Fortunately, I made it Down without Incident and The Rock Climbing Gym People let me stay and watch my friends.
.........................................................................
My Beautiful Patio Garden has been invaded by Little Green Worms! Ugh! I despise Inch Worms and Any Type Of Caterpillar, due in most part to The Great Gypsy Moth Caterpillar Invasion that occurred when I was A Kid, growing up on Long Island in The Early 1980’s. One Summer, these Creepy Crawlies devoured All The Trees In Town! They hung from Every Branch! They fell into Your Hair! And Their Smushed Remains were Everywhere!! Have you even seen A Stepped-On Caterpillar? They have Gooey Guts! Gggggross! So, when I spotted one in My Garden, I Freaked Out and ran into My House! And now, Half My Plants are Gone, devoured by Devious Dummy Worms! Feeling Brave, I went to The Garden Department of Home Depot and Told Them About My Pest Problem and they sold me This Organic Spray Crap, but I don’t think it is Doing A Thing. And now, it looks like I am going to have to Replant Everything. Damn Disgusting Dirt Diggers.
Lindsey Lohan.
What The Fuck? This Photo Cracks Me Up because it looks a lot like The High School Photos of Half The Kids I Graduated With and I Know that they were all Totally High on Picture Day that year because it was also Get High On Picture Day, although The School didn’t list that on The Annual Calendar. The Most Exciting Part of This Story is that it happened Right Down The Street From Where I Live!! Maybe they even Sped Past My House! I’ll have to listen to The 911 Phone Call again and see! How could I have slept through So Much Gossitement? Of course, we all know The Moral Of The Story: If You Have Just Gotten Out Of Your Second Stint In Rehab, Don’t Borrow Jeans If They Have Cocaine In The Pocket. Also: If You Have Just Gotten Out Of Your Second Stint In Rehab, Don’t Borrow Cocaine And Then Stick The Rest In Your Jean’s Pocket. Finally: Don’t Party With Your Sponsor. They teach this sort of thing in NA, don’t they? They have got to be some of The Twelve Steps.
The Other Night, Totally Awesome Boyfriend took me Rock Climbing! He has friends who belong to A Rock Climbing Gym here in Los Angeles and it was Guest Night, which meant we could come in and Climb For Free! Rock Climbing was Fun, if you don’t mind everyone Staring Up At Your Fat Ass as you hang Helplessly From A Rope. I’ve been Working On My Ass, so I was Willing to give it A Shot. But, Half-Way Up, I looked Down and remembered I was Afraid Of Heights. I had Totally Forgot about That Fact before I started my ascent and when I Suddenly Remembered, I began Screaming, “HELP! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! I AM HANGING FOR MY LIFE!!!” which, apparently is Frowned Upon at Rock Climbing Gyms. I had No Choice to Forget About How Freaking High I Was and Climb To The Top. Fortunately, I made it Down without Incident and The Rock Climbing Gym People let me stay and watch my friends.
My Beautiful Patio Garden has been invaded by Little Green Worms! Ugh! I despise Inch Worms and Any Type Of Caterpillar, due in most part to The Great Gypsy Moth Caterpillar Invasion that occurred when I was A Kid, growing up on Long Island in The Early 1980’s. One Summer, these Creepy Crawlies devoured All The Trees In Town! They hung from Every Branch! They fell into Your Hair! And Their Smushed Remains were Everywhere!! Have you even seen A Stepped-On Caterpillar? They have Gooey Guts! Gggggross! So, when I spotted one in My Garden, I Freaked Out and ran into My House! And now, Half My Plants are Gone, devoured by Devious Dummy Worms! Feeling Brave, I went to The Garden Department of Home Depot and Told Them About My Pest Problem and they sold me This Organic Spray Crap, but I don’t think it is Doing A Thing. And now, it looks like I am going to have to Replant Everything. Damn Disgusting Dirt Diggers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
