Friday, January 23, 2009

What Would Oprah Do?

This week I Lost One Pound. While you may think this is Okay, I Do Not. Why? Because this was merely The Extra Pound I gained last week for Good Luck. Which brings My Total Weight Loss thus far to:


Yes, in Four Weeks I have Lost Nothing! Nada! ZILCH! This despite going for An Hour Walk five times this week and Three Hours of a Cardio Dance Class. And writing down Everything I Eat, INCLUDING TONS OF VEGETABLES. And Not Drinking. Except for Ounces Upon Ounces Of Water.

To make matters Worse, everyone else at my meeting is Losing Weight! Celebrating! Getting Stars and Stickers and Stuff! And of course, this week I have to sit next to Nosy Nancy who wants to know, "How did you do this week!?" only because she wants to tell me She Lost Three Pounds.

"It's None of Your Fucking Business, Nosy Nancy. This is between Me and Oprah." I didn't say that. I just pretended I was Deaf and began Using Fake Sign Language with My Imaginary, Also Deaf Weight Loss Buddy across the room. I gave The Thumbs Up Sign. But I really wanted to give The Finger.

When I came home, Totally Awesome Husband announced he has lost Five Pounds just from Eating What I Have Been Eating. He was Very Excited.

And Somewhere Oprah is Having The Last (Evil) Laugh.


Jennifer said...

I know how you feel. I've been so stuck for months now. I have stopped going to the meetings and I miss them. They're just not at the right time or in the right city for me. But I still pay attention and try and talk myself into keeping on track.

Keep going.. you'll get there! Know that there's others here with you just as frustrated and we'll toast to eachother for that! With our waters of course!

Diane Mandy said...

I feel your pain and am in the same boat. You just gotta keep on keepin' on. Hang in there!

Zacki said...

Keep on truckin' cause these plateaus can't last forever... My mom lost 118 pounds on Jenny Craig and went through many weeks of little to no loss... It can break the spirit, but you'll pull through... :)