Wednesday, June 04, 2008

All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go (But Down.)

I need A Vacation. Seriously. I have worked So Hard over the past few months and I really need some time alone with My Man. Sure, in a few months we get to take Some Sort Of Honeymoon. But, we haven’t booked that yet and may never get to it. Oh, and there is less than Three Months until The Wedding. I have Knot Exclamation Points coming out of my eye sockets.

For example, I have yet to go Try On My Dress. The bridal store called me last week: “I have exciting news!” the Bridal Store Lady cried over the phone. “Your dress has finally come in! So come on down and Try It On!”

Ugh. Exciting News My Big Fat Ass. The last thing this bride wants to do is Try On Her Wedding Dress. And, why, do you ask? Because I fear The Dress WILL NOT FIT.

See, when I tried the sample on in January, I was Ten Pounds over My Goal Weight and I was Convinced I Would Lose It. “I am about Ten Pounds over what I Usually Weigh!” I told Bridal Store Lady. “I am going to Lose Those Ten Pounds!”

Bridal Store Lady took this into consideration when she determined which size to order my dress. And on The Receipt she wrote: “Customer Says She Will Lose Weight.”

But I haven’t Lost Any Weight!!! In fact, it appears I have gained Five More Pounds. So, now I am 15 Pounds over My Goal Weight. 15 POUNDS!!

I freaked out over this for a few days after I got The Dress Has Come In call. And then I decided to Call The Store and explain My Dilemma. So, I took out The Dreaded Customer Says She Will Lose Weight Receipt to get their phone number. And then I realized The Dreaded Customer Says She Will Lose Weight Receipt actually reads, “Dress is a little snug in the hips. If Customer loses weight, we will take the dress in.”

Aha! I made up The Customer Will Lose Weight thing with My Crazy I Am So Fat I Can’t Believe I Haven’t Lost These Ten To Fifteen Pounds Thinking! This Customer doesn’t need to Lose Weight at all!

Well, Okay. I would still like to Lose Ten Of These Pounds.

But, in the meantime, Totally Awesome Fiancé are off on a Mini-Vaycay to Cambria and Pasos Robles. We plan on Touring Hearst Castle and Drinking A Lot Of Wine.

And Watching Our Weight Watcher Points, natch. After all, I still have to go Try On My Dress.


Aimee said...

I'm really glad they didn't order it smaller than you are. That would have been tragically sad. I'm sorry, however, that I'm not close enough to do your alterations for free. Because I totally would!

Also sorry I no longer live between El Lay and Paso... we coulda had lunch together on your way north! Alas, Portland is far beyond your destination. ((sigh))

Sarah said...

I had the same feeling when I got the dress call. Although my store wouldn't allow me to order any other size than the one I was. Of course the dress fit. It still fit after I lost 10 pounds the week before the wedding. You will too, I'm sure, with being so busy.

I think bridedom just equals crazy.

Nanette said...

Ooooh, have fun in Cambria and Hearst Castle! Stop and see the elephant seals on Hwy. 1!

Jennifer said...

How many ww points is a glass of wine?