Monday, November 19, 2007

It's Not My Style. (Unless It Is Style Network.)

On Saturdays, after I Work Out, I usually stop at A Starbucks on my drive home. The Starbucks I frequent on those mornings happens to be next to An Enormous Bridal Wear Company Store. For years, I have been getting my coffee here, barely giving The Bridal Store a glance. But, since I have gotten Engaged, I find My Interest Has Been Piqued. So, this past Saturday, I decided to Check Out The Store.

I walked in behind Two Woman. I think it was A Girl With Her Mom. They were instantly greeted by A Salesperson. They told her they were there to Buy A Dress and then they were Whisked Away.

And then I Stood And Waited for Someone To Help Me.

No One Did. At first I attributed this to My Work Out Attire. After all – I had just come from class and was A Bit Sweaty. But, I was Sweaty and Cute, not Sweaty and Homeless, so I think they still should have Asked Me Why I Was There. Instead, The Salesclerks Glanced My Way and then continued to Chat Amongst Themselves. “Maybe they think No One Could Possibly Want To Marry Me,” I assumed. So I started looking around the store on my own.

Okay, something must be Wrong With Me because I hate All Things Bridal, but I Adore Bridal Television Shows. I mean, These Dresses were Ugly. No, they were Fugly. But I love that show, Say Yes To The Dress. These dresses, though, were So Not Yessable. White and Frilly and Lacey and Sparkly in Unattractive Ways. I watched One Girl – with her Mom and about Six Of Her Closest Friends/Bridesmaids – Try On The Ugliest Excuse For A Dress I Have Ever Seen. They were Oohing and Aahing, but That Thing Looked Like It Was Going To Eat Her. It was Huge. And Unflattering. Another woman was admiring The Ugly Flower Thing attached to Mannequin’s Neck. This was In Real Life, not on Some Reality Wedding Show. I left the store and headed for Starbucks.

As if That Experience wasn’t Bad Enough, the next day, I attended A Bridal Expo in downtown Los Angeles. THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY NEW VISION OF HELL. My first clue that I Would Be Miserable was when I Checked In at Registration. The Woman handed me Two Tickets.

“Oh. I only need One.” I informed her. I am By Myself.”

She stared at me. And Blinked. And then she said, “Well, are you sure that you don’t want to Take The Other Ticket, just in case?”

Just In Case of What, I never learned. But, I did learn that I hate Bridal Expos, too. Who Cares about Half This Crap? Unless it is Happening To Someone Else, I mean. Still, clusters of girls were Oohing and Aahing over Flowers and Stationary and Teeth Whitening and Bridal Flip Flops and Breast Augmentation and 19-Year-Old DJs. I was without a doubt The Oldest Bride there. And The Only One There Who Used Only One Ticket. I guess one is supposed to have A Bridal Entourage in order to Get Married. But, I don’t intend to have A Bridal Party At All. And My Closest Family – other than Totally Awesome FiancĂ© – live 3000 miles away. I go Shopping all the time by myself. What is The Big Deal?

I have Never Done Things the way everyone else does. I want A Party, but I don’t want to be told What I Am Supposed To Do At It. I don’t need A Band. I don’t want to wear An Ugly, Overpriced Dress. I don’t need Someone To Tell Me How To Wear My Hair. I don’t want to Look Like A Princess. I definitely don’t want A 19-Year-Old DJ. I must have A Jewish Ceremony. I also Demand Cocktails. And Snacks. And Fun Music, like The Kind I Have On My iPod. I want Our Day to be Special and Festive. Basically, I want A Well Dressed, Well Attended Happy Hour.

I am beginning to think that maybe that means, I should just Stay Home, wear My Ugliest Dress, and Watch An Hour of Married Away instead.


the slackmistress said...

I think this hits every non-conventional bride. When I went to get my wedding dress 0 and it wasn't at the conventional dress store - I was overwhelmed with the idea that I was doing it All Wrong.

Two things to remember:

1. How much you spend on your wedding has little to do with what your marriage to be like.

2. Do what YOU want to do, not what a magazine or a TV show or the bridal industry says you should do. I went to nary a bridal expo, I cracked not one magazine, I never walked into a single bridal shop. And my wedding was a freaking blast.

There's nothing wrong with being traditional, mind you, but just remember that it's about your guys - not your entourage.

(However, if you need one, lemme know. I have years of Hollywood Assistantship behind me, so I know how to Get Someone's Attention But Quick.)


Nanette said...

Ugh, I had an awful experience at a couple shops while searching for dresses. I went to a great place in Palos Verdes, called Palos Verdes Bridal. I ordered my dress online, but I did like the customer service I got at the PV shop.

Also, I bet you'd like this site:

Randi said...

Nanette --

I love Indie Bride. I found it a few weeks ago. It has been Very Helpful.


Anonymous said...

Yes, but not a giraffe themed wedding right, right??

p.s. Palos Verdes bride is going out of business - HUGE clearance, go now.

Anonymous said...

being true to yourselves and creating the day that is about the people and things you love (cocktails? beyonce?) is the best way to start out on a very happy marriage. i've noticed a trend, the most traditional weddings i've been to have turned into the most traditionally wretched marriages - nagging wives and hopeless or cheating husbands. seriously. so rock on in your own way.

Sarah said...

I loved bridal shows before I got married but I never saw myself in them at all. I hated bridal shops. The people were rarely nice and I agree, the dresses for the most part are hideous and overpriced. I'm all for finding your way around that. Good luck!

R said...

All brides are not like that. Do it your way and enjoy!

Aimee said...

Ah man... I'd LOVE to make your dress for you. I wish we were nearer to each other.

Traci Dolan said...

Gah, you sound like I'm sure I would feel if I were in your position. The best advice I can give is... decide what you absolutely cannot live without at your wedding... can the rest... live happily ever after.

Amy L said...

I so agree with both HELL being Bridal Expo ( I went with my best friend when she got engaged 11 years ago and swore NEVER AGAIN) and with everything else you've described as your ideal wedding.

Personally I plan to elope to a beach somewhere. I plan to be barefoot. I will wear whatever I want. And everyone else can shut up about it!


Happy Thanksgiving to you and totally awesome fiancee!

Michelle said...

I visited one of those shops. I tried on a dress, stepped up onto the platform to view it, and immediately cried. I ended up taking quite an nontraditional approach. Check out J. There are TONS of options out there, and you'll eventually find one that's just for YOU! Best Wishes and Congrats! :)