Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I Heart The Hills

The Hills.

OMG, I LOVE this show! In case you Live Under A Rock, Don’t Have Cable, or are Male, The Hills is an MTV show in its Third Season about The Continuing Adventures of Lauren Who Used To Be Named LC when she Lived/Filmed Laguna Beach but Now She Lives In The Hollywood Hills. I used to be A Fan of Laguna Beach, too. But, my fascination with That Show was really more with How Exactly They Made It. Was it Real? Was it Not Real? I mean, How Did They Know Stephen Was Going To Be Entering The Coffee Shop So That The Camera Was Already Inside The Coffee Shop if this was All Real? And isn’t it weird How Stephen Just Knew To Call LC When She Was Talking To Lo about Kristen? How did they do that? A Friend of mine who used to work on the show told me it was All Real and The Cameras Are Actually Really Far Away and that they Only Shot The Show Thursday Through Sunday but that The Producers “Suggest Things To Talk About” while filming and then it is All Edited Together. I have A Person in my life that sometimes suggests What To Talk About, too but I call that person My Shrink, not My Producer. So, maybe The Show was A Little Real. Or, Not.

The Hills? I am Pretty Sure None Of It Is Real, but I Don’t Care -- I just LOVE it! First of all, The Characters all live in My Old Neighborhood and I like to Recognize Things! And even though they are like Nineteen, they go to All The Clubs and Booze It Up and No One Cards Them! They live in Fancy Apartments, which I find Curious because Lauren doesn’t have A Job – she has an Internship. And her New Roommate, Audrina, works as A Receptionist and I used to work as An Receptionist so I know that they get paid Crap and Can’t Afford to make Car Payments On Time, let alone pay The Rent on Fancy Hollywood Hills Apartments. I Adore Audrina because she somehow ended up on The Show, sans A Personality! Also, she May Or May Not be named after The Lead Character in VC Andrews's, My Sweet Audrina, My Favorite Trashy Book Of All Time. But, Most Importantly, last night we found out that Audrina has Hideous Taste In Men! Even Worse than Lauren, who used to date That Awful Jason With The Drug Problem! Seriously, Audrina’s New Boyfriend is named Justin Bobby. Probably, his Real Name is Bobby, but The Producers "Suggested" he Change It To Justin because Bobby wasn’t Hills-y Enough. Apparently, Audrina dated him once before, but He Abandoned Her in Vegas! Here is what I Envisioned Actually Went Down: The Producers sat Audrina down at The Beginning Of The Season and said to her, “You have No Personality. Do you have any Hideous Ex-Boyfriends you wouldn’t mind Dating Again just for The Show?” And Audrina told them, “Well, This Asshole once took me to Vegas and Left Me There!” and then POOF, Justin Bobby was back in her life. Well, Bobby who became Justin and Bobby/Justin was Willing because he is An Unemployed Actor and this could be His Big Break, eh, playing Himself. Or, someone Like Him, except now named Justin. Or, um, Justin Bobby. Whichever. I Don’t Care. I Love It, I Love Audrina, and I Love Her Hideous Taste In Men.

Lauren’s Old Roommate, Heidi, just got Brand New Boobs and has A Stinky Boyfriend who is suppossed to be Loaded, but He Bought “An Engagement Ring” At Ice, a moderately priced accessories store on Sunset Boulevard. I have been to Ice. His Ring could not have been Real, nor could it have cost More Than Fifty Bucks. And it is Curious to me that There Happened To Be Cameras Inside Of Ice to capture This Very Special Purchase. Honestly, this whole scene felt like A Set Up. But, again, I Didn’t Care. I Love to Hate Spencer. His Best Friend is Brody Jenner. I read on Defamer that His Dad is A Dentist!

And, then there is Whitney, Lauren’s Teen Vogue Intern Friend, who IMs when she Talks. She says things like, “OMG!” And, “WTF!” And, “☺.”And you get The Feeling that she is ROTFL at How Stupidly Un-Real Her Entire Relationship With Lauren Is. One time, she got to Model!

So, you see, I Don’t Really Care if any of it is Real or Not. I just LOVE it for what it Is – Terrific, Page Turning Television!

And I think Next Week, I may Live Blog it All! Stay Tuned...


Hilary said...

I liked Whitney last season, before she started saying WTF outloud (who does that?!). Now she is beginning to bug. And I'm so confused...the sex tape scandal was already talked about, but its big reveal in the previews for next week. This is not making sense!

And how come they all have expensive cars and no jobs and live in nicer apartments than me, who has a decent paying job?

Michael said...

Yeah, fascinating. Where's the part about how TAB can't even be in the same room when that stupid show is on?

If only people actually working in reality TV could afford to live as well as those unemployed bums on the shows.

Kate the Peon said...

1. I've read that the show is real but that sometimes things that already occurred when the 'cast' wasn't being taped (i.e., purchasing rings at Ice) are 'recreated' so that the cameras can capture them.

2. I loathe Spencer, and I loathe Heidi for loving him.

3. I've also wondered why these cats don't get carded AT ALL. Hello!

4. My copy of 'My Sweet Audrina' was thrown out by mom, who didn't want her impressionable sweet young girl reading such trashy novels. Yeah. I totally dug it out of the trash.

Lori said...

FYI... I just had to Google ROTFL. LOL.

Green said...

I have so much to say about this. Firstly, I'm so jealous that you have MTV since I no longer do. Secondly, I love to hate Heidi, and don't feel bad about making fun of how stupid and vapid she is since she's so very bitchy.

May I just say, Whitney fell that time she modeled. Thank you.

Lastly, my understand from talking to someone who worked on the Real Worlds is that the non-actors have to tell the producers where they're going that day and give a schedule, so the producers know where to set up.

Anonymous said...

I mentioned the Hills yesterday and most readers didn;t know who or what I was talking about. Ermm I need more clued up readers?

*kb* said...

Green- I don't have MTV either, but you can watch the episodes on-line!!!!!!! I watched both last night! I dig this stupid ass show!

Nancy Cavillones said...

It's because they all have rich mommies and daddies, plus LC has endorsement deals, doesn't she?

Anonymous said...

i love ur descrips.

but omg justin bobby, so gorg.!