Friday, August 10, 2007

Weighty Issues

I think Most Of You know that I am A Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers. No, that does Not Mean I have been Joining and Rejoining Most Of My Life. Although, of course, I Have. Instead, Lifetime Membership is The Status you receive when you reach your Goal Weight and Maintain it for at least six weeks. In 2003, I attained Lifetime Membership when I successfully Lost 51 Pounds. I don’t often Talk or Write About It. But, Losing All That Weight was A Huge Accomplishment. I had struggled with My Weight since I was A Kid! Besides feeling more Fit and Healthy, I suddenly had Lots Of Attention From Boys! Yes, I had Attention From Boys before I Lost Weight, but These Boys Liked Girls, which was a huge hurdle for me. Most Women were supportive, but Many Were Not. When Some Girlfriends realized that I was no longer going to stand for Sidekick Status and became Catty And Competitive, I kicked them to the curb. Now, I was officially A Player. Bring It On? Oh, It’s Already Been Brought-En!

As A Lifetime Weight Watcher Member, you no longer have to Pay For Membership. The Catch is you must Weigh In Once A Month and be No More Than Two Pounds Over Your Goal Weight. Maintenance is Hard Work, though. Most months, I was Okay and Exactly At My Goal Weight. But, some months I was Three Pounds Over and I would have to Pay Weight Watchers Ten Stinky Dollars as Punishment. “What is the difference between Three Pounds and Two Pounds?!” I would whine to them. Nothing! It got me So Angry. But, it Made Me Stay At Goal.

Naturally, the next month I would be Right Where I Needed To Be and didn’t have to Pay. And then, well, there were those months where I was maybe Five Pounds over My Goal Weight. Then, um, Eight. Eight Pounds Over. My Leader suggested I Adjust My Goal Weight so that I could Better Maintain It. That worked for about Two Months and then I was Three Pounds over The New Goal Weight and having to Pay Ten Stinky Dollars again. “I am only A Few Pounds over My Goal Weight!” I would convince myself. “No Worries!” And then I decided Not Go To Meetings For Weeks and Weeks and Weeks.

How do you know when it is Time To Go Back To A Meeting? When YOUR WORKOUT CLOTHES NO LONGER FIT. My Cute Roll Down Yoga Pants had suddenly become Hideous Roll Up In The Middle Of Class Is That A Muffin Top Yoga Pants! In the midst of Downward Facing Dog, I looked down at my feet and realized my body looked more like Downward Facing Having A Huge Litter Of Puppies Dog. Time to Take Action.

And so, I went back to A Weight Watcher Meeting two weeks ago.

15.2 Freaking Pounds Over My Goal Weight.

Talk about Embarrassing! I am supposed to be Some Sort Of Weight Watchers Expert! How The Freak Could This Happen?

Well, My Lifestyle changed when I Met Totally Awesome Boyfriend. Not Weighing In once a month, didn’t help either. And I Stopped Writing Down What I Ate Every Day, and Forgot To Count My Weight Watcher Points, and That Time I Ate Five Yummy Cupcakes Because The Box Fell When I Was Getting Out Of My Car And I Didn’t Want To Throw Them Away But Now I Couldn’t Bring Them To The Party I Bought Them For In The First Place Since They Were All Mushed Up So I Had To Eat Them and That Entire Bag Of Ruffles Potato Chips I Devoured That One Time, Okay It Was Two Times, Two Bags, Two Times. Maybe Three Times. Oh, and, um, Pinkberry? Please God, not Pinkberry! Say It Isn’t So! I would put Full Blame on Coldstone Creamery, though. Boo, Delicious, Evil Chocolaty Mix-Ins!

Anyhow, I am Back On Track now. I lost 2.2 Pounds last week and now just have 13 Pounds to Lose to get back to My Goal Weight where I am determined to Live Forever and Never Ever Go Through This Again And Have To Pay Weight Watchers Ten Stinky Dollars Each Week. Totally Awesome Boyfriend is being Really Supportive. He tells me I Look Great and Lies and says He Doesn’t Notice That I Gained Any Weight and tells me He Can Tell that I Lost Two Pounds. And he has even been Counting Weight Watcher Points, too! In fact, he lost Three Pounds this week himself! And, no, Three Pounds does not grant him The Bragging Rights.

But, being Totally Awesome To Me About This Stuff kind of Does.


Anonymous said...

Oooooh you go! I'm proud that you got to goal. I'm 35.3lbs from that magical place. If you want, you can do the online thing for $16ish a month. (They don't even let lifetimers have it for free.) But, it's a great way to track stuff. Good luck on getting back to goal, I know you can do it! :D

Michelle said...

Way to go TDR!!! Since you've already been there once, I'm sure you'll have no problem getting there again! And major brownie points to TAB! Both for counting them and for being supportive!! :)

Nanette said...

Yay, TDR!

I take it you're not going to the SaMo location, are you?

Randi said...


I am going to the SanMo Center! (Just not on Friday Mornings, due to my schedule.)


the slackmistress said...

This a wonderful, witty and revealing post. Away with the ten stinky dollars!

Green said...

I think that if they charge you the $10 one week and the next week you're back down to within your goal weight range, they should give you $5 as incentive.

Great job on getting back on target!

R said...

I've been checkin' your blog for while now--found it through Nanette--but this is my first comment. You had me crackin' up today. It's like you were telling my story. Kudos to getting back on track and kudos to TAB for being totally awesome about it. ;)

Diane Mandy said...

DR-- I completely relate!!! And good for you for going back! I'm buldging out of most of my favorite clothes these days, and plan to head back to WW, right after Max and I get back from Egypt. Journaling and counting points--here I come!

Go Nicole Yourself said...

I don't know how I didn't read this earlier. I JUST went back to WW this week. I'm a lot more than 15 lbs away from goal but I'm back and glad to know there are others like me out there.

I can't stand the people at my WW but I'm going in spite of how annoying and crazy they all are. Sigh - I wish I lived closer to SM.

Anonymous said...

You've inspired me! I'm doing it on my own instead of WW but hear that's the best program. Congrats on getting back on the wagon. And I laughed out loud at your story about downward dog. Hilarity.