Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Catching Up With The Daily Randi

That’s right, Folks. I’m Back and I’m Blogging Better Than Ever! Being gone nearly A Month, I have a bit of Catching Up to do. Let’s Begin!

Lindsey Lohan.

What The Fuck? This Photo Cracks Me Up because it looks a lot like The High School Photos of Half The Kids I Graduated With and I Know that they were all Totally High on Picture Day that year because it was also Get High On Picture Day, although The School didn’t list that on The Annual Calendar. The Most Exciting Part of This Story is that it happened Right Down The Street From Where I Live!! Maybe they even Sped Past My House! I’ll have to listen to The 911 Phone Call again and see! How could I have slept through So Much Gossitement? Of course, we all know The Moral Of The Story: If You Have Just Gotten Out Of Your Second Stint In Rehab, Don’t Borrow Jeans If They Have Cocaine In The Pocket. Also: If You Have Just Gotten Out Of Your Second Stint In Rehab, Don’t Borrow Cocaine And Then Stick The Rest In Your Jean’s Pocket. Finally: Don’t Party With Your Sponsor. They teach this sort of thing in NA, don’t they? They have got to be some of The Twelve Steps.


The Other Night, Totally Awesome Boyfriend took me Rock Climbing! He has friends who belong to A Rock Climbing Gym here in Los Angeles and it was Guest Night, which meant we could come in and Climb For Free! Rock Climbing was Fun, if you don’t mind everyone Staring Up At Your Fat Ass as you hang Helplessly From A Rope. I’ve been Working On My Ass, so I was Willing to give it A Shot. But, Half-Way Up, I looked Down and remembered I was Afraid Of Heights. I had Totally Forgot about That Fact before I started my ascent and when I Suddenly Remembered, I began Screaming, “HELP! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! I AM HANGING FOR MY LIFE!!!” which, apparently is Frowned Upon at Rock Climbing Gyms. I had No Choice to Forget About How Freaking High I Was and Climb To The Top. Fortunately, I made it Down without Incident and The Rock Climbing Gym People let me stay and watch my friends.


My Beautiful Patio Garden has been invaded by Little Green Worms! Ugh! I despise Inch Worms and Any Type Of Caterpillar, due in most part to The Great Gypsy Moth Caterpillar Invasion that occurred when I was A Kid, growing up on Long Island in The Early 1980’s. One Summer, these Creepy Crawlies devoured All The Trees In Town! They hung from Every Branch! They fell into Your Hair! And Their Smushed Remains were Everywhere!! Have you even seen A Stepped-On Caterpillar? They have Gooey Guts! Gggggross! So, when I spotted one in My Garden, I Freaked Out and ran into My House! And now, Half My Plants are Gone, devoured by Devious Dummy Worms! Feeling Brave, I went to The Garden Department of Home Depot and Told Them About My Pest Problem and they sold me This Organic Spray Crap, but I don’t think it is Doing A Thing. And now, it looks like I am going to have to Replant Everything. Damn Disgusting Dirt Diggers.


Cybele said...

It's good to see you again, The Daily Randi. Sorry about your pestilence.

Anonymous said...

LiLo is from Long Island, too (LILiLo?). So it kind of makes sense she'd look like a kid you went to HS with. Different era, but same geography, at least.

Funny, actually...and now you guys are together again--from LI, to LA! She's even leading car chases in front of your house!

You crazy Long Island girls!

evilsciencechick said...

peel and smoosh about 20-30 cloves of garlic and steep them in boiling water until the water cools (keep the lid on, but your whole house will smell like garlic - sorry!).

When it cools, strain out the garlic and pour the water into a spray bottle with a tablespoon of dish soap.

Spray your plants down. They will smell like garlic but they will kill any buggies on them.

This worked with me for aphids. It should work for gross catepillars, too. Good luck!

Anonymous said...


Your rock-climbing was a nice effort *snicker* Maybe you should leave it, and the worms, to me.

Bumblebee Spider

P.S. Wanna be a contestant on "Web of Fortune"? We have great giveaways to Indian Wells, CA.

Green said...

Welcome back! You're one of my favorite bloggers, so I'm happy you're writing and capitalizing again.

We had a huge tree in our front yard growing up in LI, that extended its branches over the driveway and walk, and dropped all sorts of insects into my hair. Our neighbors have seen me do many Icky Bug Dances. Thank god I moved away.

I have found that organic supplies make me feel good about the environment but bad about the reason I needed them in the first place. Save the earth by riding your bike back to Home Depot to get a real spray that will work and comes in a container that can be recycled.

Anonymous said...

Oh how I have missed you The Daily Randi

Michelle said...

Hey there! I'm so glad you're back to blogging!!! An avacado tree?? I'm SO jealous! Sorry about the bugs, but the suggestion about the garlic/dish soap sounds promising for your plants! In Texas, we have franchises called "Do It Yourself Pest Control"...I'm not sure if you have them in California or not, but they have great products/advice! Good luck with the bugs! May they have a swift and timely death!! LOL!! :)