Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Say Hello To My Little Pinkberry!

So, I Can’t Stop Eating Pinkberry. I Know – Totally Embarrassing, especially since it is Really Fashionable to Hate It right now. In case you don’t know What Pinkberry Is, I will try and explain it to you: It is This Delicious “Natural” Frozen Yogurt Stuff. There are Assorted Treats that you can have Loaded On Top. Like Strawberries! And Blueberries! And Fruity Pebbles and Captain Crunch! It is Nearly Fat Free and Low Calorie. There are Adorable Pinkberry Stores all over Los Angeles. People Illegally Park their cars when they can’t find parking near The Pinkberry Stores. And then, they wait In Long Lines to Buy It. Everyday, there seems to be A New Pinkberry Outlet popping up on Various Corners. It is Very Trendy, because Celebrities are Just Like Us and Eat It. And A Bit of A Backlash is Brewing as Stores invade Neighborhoods, sans Enough Parking Spots, natch.

But, here is The Thing – It kinda Tastes Like Crap. At least, that is what I thought The First Time I tried Pinkberry. I mean, who likes The Taste Of Plain Yogurt? No One! Blech! But, a few days later, I mysteriously found myself Craving It Again! “Take me to Pinkberry tonight!” I begged of Totally Awesome Boyfriend. “It will be So Delicious!”

Reluctantly, Totally Awesome Boyfriend agreed to take me. “I thought you Hated It the last time we went,” he said as we drove to the Nearest Pinkberry Place. He was shaking his head in confusion.

“I Did!” I explained. “But, for some reason, I Want It AGAIN!!!!!!” And then my head spun around and I began to speak in tongues.

And so, we Stood In Line. Well, I Stood In Line. Totally Awesome Boyfriend waited in the car. But, also, he Couldn’t Find Parking and didn’t want to Get A Ticket. He may have been Perplexed, but at least I got My Pinkberry Fix!

Fix being The Operative Word here. The Pinkberry People are currently being Sued by some former disgruntled employees who claim Pinkberry is Not Actually Yogurt, as Advertised. But, The Pinkberry People refuse to say Exactly What Is In Their Product. They say they don’t want Anyone to know Their Secret Ingredients. They just Changed Their Product Name to “Swirly Deliciousness.” Or, something like that.

And so I am Convinced that The Secret Ingredient in Pinkberry is Crack Cocaine. That could be The Only Reason Why We Suckers Stand In Line, Illegally Park Our Cars, Risk Receiving Parking Tickets, and Crave Icy Food That Tastes Like Crap – Because It Secretly Contains Crack Cocaine. Your typical Pinkberry Store is Nothing More than A Brightly Lit Crack Den! No wonder people don’t want Pinkberry in their Neighborhoods!

Incidentally, about Ten Years Ago, I had A Similar Theory about Starbucks Coffee.

15 comments:

Hilary said...

Trendy or not, I hate the stuff. I'll take the sweetened 25 calorie/ounce stuff over Pinkberry anyday. Blech is right.

Will said...

Pinkberry is no Carvel. Lets see Pinkberry make a Fudgie the Whale cake.

Of course Carvel ice cream contained no dairy whatsoever so maybe Pinkberry is a little like Carvel in the sense that what you get is a mystery.

Green said...

But Carvel is KOSHER! How many other ice cream chains can boast of being kosher? "Mazel tov on your bar mitzvah Jason; now that you're a man, here's your Fudgie the Whale!"

eviljulie said...

Is it like Tasti D-Lite? Nobody knows what's in that stuff, but it's 8 calories per serving and there are more Tasti D-Lite Stores in NYC than there are rats. Which is really saying something.

Will said...

Now I keep speaking in Tom Carvel's voice.

The Daily Randi said...

Will -- I will Agree -- Pinkberry is No Carvel. Carvel will always be Close To My Heart.

EvilJulie -- Pinkberry is like TastDeLite, in that I Love That Crap, too! The Difference is that Pinkberry sort of tastes a bit better. There are No Lines Around The Corner for TasDelite. And it doesn't come in Strange Flavors like, "Chocolate Dream." Pinkberry just tastes like regular plain yogurt that has been frozen.

Diane Mandy said...

I've never even heard of this stuff. Now you have me curious.

geewits said...

Maybe it's Soylent Green.

Reginold said...

I was intrigued by your headline about saying hello to your "little pinkberry."

I've heard it referred to as a "button," a "rosebud," and even a "bean" before. But "pinkberry" was a new one for me.

Pictures, please! :-)

Cybele said...

The Daily Randi, I have the identical theory about Krispy Kreme donuts. What would cause otherwise sane persons to make lines around the block when the HOT sign is lit, other than crack in those misspelled deep fried pasteries?

Anonymous said...

what are 10 or 37? you begged your boyfriend to take you! what's up with that go yourself your 37

Michelle said...

I had the same experience when I first had Pinkberry!! I was like "what the big deal?" By the time I got to the bottom of the cup, I was hooked. I love the tartness...I went last Tuesday after the Dodger game...I always get fruit toppings and this time I wanted to try something different. I got Captain Crunch - SO GOOD!!!!! Next time I will get Capt Crunch AND strawberries!!

reginold said...

anonymous has never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, thus cannot understand your wanting to go together.

for my part, i continue to await more information about your little pinkberry. (speaking of lickable.)

Will said...

where id you go?

Jodi said...

It was fun meeting you! I share your obsession with the pinkberry...and your shame. I've been branching out to Snowberry though too.