Friday, May 04, 2007

The Daily Randi Has An Ailment Due To Immense Stress Week – Day One: The Poops

I have had The Poops for A Full Week and A Half. It is So Bad, I have taken to carrying around A Full Bottle of Pepto Bismol around in My Purse, just in case I need to take An Emergency Dosage. I have Replenished My Pepto Bismol Supply four times in the past seven days. I am now An Expert on What Really Happened When English Settlers Came To The United States and Formed The Jamestown Colony, because Totally Awesome Boyfriend keeps his National Geographic Magazine Subscription in The Bathroom. I can recite The Latest Pottery Barn Catalog by heart, too. There is A Mark In The Tile near The Bathroom Door that resembles The Hawaiian Islands.

Totally Awesome Boyfriend has taken to calling me His Little Pooper, which is A Little Embarrassing so I really hope this will All Go Away within The Next Week.

Tomorrow’s Ailment: Weird Hand Rash


nita said...

immodium will stop you up so fast, it might actually hit mid-poop. use with caution.

evilsciencechick said...

see, you JUST moved it together, so he'll brush this off and call you cute names like "lil pooper" and stuff like that.

3 years from now, he'll walk past the bathroom and say "oh my GOD, what the HELL happened in here? oh MY GOD, what did YOU EAT????"

guys are sensitive like that.

i second the immodium. take cautiously, though, or you won't poop for a month.

Michelle said...

yeah, what they said! But after a week and a half, it probably is time to 'graduate' to something a little stronger than pepto. and load up on the gatorade! TAB sounds more TA all the time!! :)

Anonymous said...

I risk pointing out the blatantly obvious when I ask:

Have you tried a cork?

Green said...

Oh my god. I would be absolutely mortified - I am so, SO sorry this is happening to you. Sending you vibes for poops a jewish grandma would be proud of!