Monday, April 16, 2007

The New Neighbor(hood) Watch

Not having any Furniture is Totally Sucky. I Dumped My Dresser. I Ditched My Desk. My Sofas are Sayonara. I still have A Mattress, but that is Only Until Thursday, when I give it to A Chick Looking For A Free Bed On The Craig’s List Wanted Board. I don’t even have Cable anymore. Moving Blows.

But, by now, I am practically Packed. All of My Stuff has been transferred over to The New Apartment. And, I Dream of Decorating! And Housewarming! And Making New Westside Friends! I met Our New Next Door Neighbor tonight, while Moving Totally Awesome Boyfriend’s Bookcase. She was Very Nice. Except when she informed us that Someone Tried To Break Into Her Apartment Last Night. The Area we are moving to is Very Nice and Safe-Seeming, so I have decided she will now be referred to as Our Crazy Paranoid New Neighbor. Stay Tuned for what I hope will be some Very Amusing Anecdotes involving Her, A Baseball Bat, and The Santa Anas.

As she was Telling us about The (Alleged) Break In, Totally Awesome Boyfriend glanced at me and saw That Look In My Eyes. The One that reads, “Ohmygod, I Am Going To Be Burglarized! And Die! And, I have A New Crazy Paranoid New Neighbor!” After She Left, he looked at me and whispered, “Don’t Worry.” Which, of course, was My Cue to Worry.

However, as he was Comforting Me with A Hug (Hug-forting!), I remembered that I now had Totally Awesome Boyfriend to Protect Me! He would Make Sure No One Takes My Things! Or Tries To Hurt Me! But, also, if you are A Crazy Paranoid New Neighbor and you try to Scare Me again with Tales Of Thievery Days Before I Even Move In, WATCH OUT! Totally Awesome Boyfriend is On The Prowl!

Of course, Crazy Paranoid New Neighbor probably saw The Same Look In My Eyes as Totally Awesome Boyfriend did.

And now, she is Seeking Solace from Her Crazy Paranoid New Neighbor, too.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

You could always take a pair of worn in men's workboots, and put them on top of some gun magazines outside the front door, next to a dog bowl that's labled "Killer".

Michael said...

Your boyfriend might steal your stuff, though. Like the Fiber One bars and your children's books and maybe the workboots and gun mags and dog bowl labeled "Killer", if you get 'em.

Anonymous said...

hey randi! im a big fan of your blogging skillzzz. lol. so add me on myspace. my name is orpheus jones. www.myspace.com/orpheusjonez

evilsciencechick said...

you know what else can protect you?

A rottweiler named Butch.

Cybele said...

Paranoid New Neighbor is trying to get Hug-fort from TAB?

Wow, she doesn't mess around. You haven't even MOVED IN yet!

Julie said...

Maybe you could compromise between your solution and ESC's and rename TAB "Butch." Just a thought.

Diane Mandy said...

I'm predicting many more tales of the Crazy Paranoid New Neighbor. Yeah for us! Boo for you.

Will said...

Maybe she was just trying to scare you away so she could claim the treasure that is hidden in your new place.

mrsmogul said...

The neighbors around me are so friendly. I cant' wait to hear more!