Friday, April 20, 2007

Cleaning House

Today, I spent The Day furiously Cleaning. That’s Right – I, The Daily Randi, A Notorious Non-Cleaner/Non-Cooker was Scrubbing Away, Scouring The Sink, Bathing The Bathtub, and Soaking The Stove Top. I needed to Clean because Tomorrow I Move. And I want My $500 Security Deposit Back.

The Irony is that I have Hired People to Clean For Me. Tomorrow morning, at Seven AM Sharp, I shall welcome Two Cleaners from We Clean America. Their Duties shall include, Getting That Gunk Off The Stove Top, Mopping The Filthy Floors, and Removing That Mysterious Soapy Stuff from The Shower Doors. To Prepare, I already given The Stove Top, The Floors, and The Shower Door a good solid Clean.

Why, you may Ask, am I Cleaning when I Have Cleaning People Arriving in the morning? Well, I am Cleaning for The Cleaning People, of course! I don’t want them to Show Up and be Disgusted By My Mess. My Grandmother used to do The Same Thing right before Her Cleaning Lady came for Her Weekly Visit. And so did My MOM. This Cleaning For The Cleaning People is Genetic you see.

And so, I have Dug Into My Vast Collection of Previously Unused Cleaning Solvents. I must have been Saving Them for just such An Occasion. Also, this way, It Looks Like I Actually Used To Use Them.

By the way, if these Cleaning People work out, I shall be Hiring Them to Come Clean The New Totally Awesome Boyfriend/Daily Randi Abode.

That will be The Only Way for Totally Awesome Boyfriend To get me to Clean Anything Ever Again, after all.

8 comments:

Green said...

If TAB wants you to clean, and the only way you clean is if cleaning people are coming, then it would stand to reason TAB should pay for the cleaning people, don't you think?

I too, was determined to get my security deposit back when I moved a couple of months ago. I got mine back; I hope you do too.

Nanette said...

Having just spent the day cleaning, I feel your pain. I'm considering hiring a regular house keeper, too.

dave said...

Cleaning for the cleaning people reminds me of (stand-up comic) Robert Schimmel's bit about a gym where everyone is so buff that you've got to go to the gym just to be able to go to the gym.

nik said...

Not only do I clean for my cleaning fairies (whom are called that because I like thinking it's little nymphs who magically clean my home while I'm gone, and not actual people), I also pre-wash my car (inside and out) before taking it to the real carwash. I FEEL YOUR PAIN! Good luck with the security deposit!

Northern_Southerner said...

Too funny - we all used to do the same thing - maybe it is a NY Jewish thing? Of course we were so bad that we actually cleaned our plates so we could put them in the dishwasher (cause you wouldn't want anything to stick on). :-) Good luck with the move.

Diane Mandy said...

Oh I so relate. I use to regularly clean for my cleaning people. How funny!

Michael said...

I expect my home to be like my mind: dirty.

Cybele said...

I have a lady who comes to help me with big cleaning/organizing projects. I don't pre-clean for her; I've seen the interior of her car.