Wednesday, December 20, 2006

So, A Giant Banana Walks Into A (Juice) Bar…

A Brand New Robek’s Juice just opened down the street from Where I Work. To promote the store, they have Hired A Man to Stand On The Corner In A Banana Suit With A Giant Arrow pointing towards the new store. The Corner he stands at has A Traffic Light, so I have an opportunity to Look Long And Hard at The Banana Guy while I Am Stopped every morning. He is Short, probably around Late Forties, and he looks as if he is of Mexican Decent. And, of course, he is Dressed Like A Giant Banana. Well, A Giant Banana With A Goatee.

I didn’t think much of The Banana Guy when I saw him That First Morning. He Looked Pretty Miserable, I know that. But, he Looked Even More Miserable when I saw that he was Still Standing On The Corner on My Way Home From Work. In my head, I quickly calculated The Number Of Hours he had been standing on the corner. Seven? Eight? Seven or Eight Hours! And Seven or Eight Hours is Way Too Long for A Guy Dressed Up Like A Giant Banana to be Standing On The Corner. This meant, The Giant Banana had An Eight Hour Giant Banana Shift! That’s Bananas!

And then, I started Thinking about What A Man Dressed Up Like A Giant Banana would Think About for Eight Long Hours while Standing On The Corner and Holding The Giant Arrow. Probably, he is Thinking About How He Needs To Get A New Job because The One He Has Now – Standing On The Corner For Eight Hours While Dressed As A Giant Banana Holding A Giant Arrow For Some Stupid Juice Place – Really Really Sucks. And then I started Thinking that The Manger of The Brand New Robek’s Juice Store that opened down the street from Where I Work must be A Really Really Sucky Manager because Hiring A Guy To Dress Like A Giant Banana And Stand On The Corner For Eight Hours is Terrible For Employee Morale. Better to assign him A Shorter Shift! Or, give him Other Responsibilities, too! But, definitely, Don’t Make Him Stand Out There All Day Dressed As A Giant Banana because I can guarantee you, The Thought: ”I Need A New Job!” will enter his Giant Banana-Enshrouded Head at some point during The Eight Hour Giant Banana Shift he works and then he may Quit and you will have to Hire A Brand New Sucker To Stand Out There All Day Dressed As A Giant Banana, and that Can’t Be Easy.

Of course, I also started Thinking, “Hey! Maybe He Gets Free Juice Drinks!”

And that seemed like A Pretty Good Incentive.

12 comments:

pox said...

Someday, the manager might see that banana split!

Gooch said...

The Manager should At Least Provide an Ipod.

erica said...

He should've done some singing and dancing like those Justin Timberlake skits on SNL. I bet that would've made the day go by more quickly.
Well, that or mentally re-writing your resume, I guess.

Michael said...

Dressed like a banana?! It must be... Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!

Or was it the Family Guy version?

evilsciencechick said...

the smoothie king near me also occasionally has a guy in a banana suit. I saw him there ALL SUMMER. Atlanta summer. and it is not a "dry heat." I felt bad for the guy, but he seemed pretty chipper. I always tried to wave and smile at him when I walked in to get my blackberry smoothie.

mrsmogul said...

I've never seen someone in a banana suit but I have seen a big hotdog. Those are pretty popular. The challenge would be to have someone dressed in a mashed banana suit!

Pox said...

To mrsmogul:

The fact that you have seen a big hotdog in the past is entirely too much information.

Entirely.

Melanie said...

This Halloween, the costume store near my house had an employee outside dressed as a giant penis one night. I did a double take. He looked like he was enjoying his job.

Captain Banana said...

But what if that was the best job he was able to get, inside that peel could be a proud hardworking person who was recently laid off from his job and is trying to support his family. Imagine if a Totally Awesome Boyfriend! had to make ends meet and his only option was to ride the big banana to a payday? Would he be any less Totally Awesome a man if he had to don the costume?

The Daily Randi said...

Pox: I greatly enjoy Giant Hot Dogs, too. TMI?

Gooch: I hope The Banana Guy gets an iPod for his Christmas Bonus!

Erica: Dancing would Definitely Help! Out in Santa Monica, there is A Crazy Dancing Westside Rentals Guy, in fact! I am told he has been there For Years.

Michael: Aha! You like Giant Bananas. I knew it!

Mrs. Mogul: Only A Mom would think of Mashed Bananas!

Melanie: I once gave The Finger to A Man Dressed Up Like A Care Bear, standing outside The Same Store You Write Of. True Story.

Captain Banana: I think you Missed The Point... I am on The Giant Banana's Side!!! I just think he deserves A Shift Break! (Not A Shit Break.)

Captain Banana said...

I see what you mean and I apologize for my mistake. However if the banana had cancer would you donate your bananna peels?

Will said...

If I could be any fruit on a street corner I'd go for grapes. Wow, I totally passed the chance to make a fruit on the corner joke.