Saturday, September 09, 2006

What's The 911?

Last Wednesday was My First Day back to work. As usual, I had One Million Things to go through in my mailbox at school. It is amazing how much Paperwork teachers receive – class lists, schedules, revised class lists, revised schedules. It’s like The Copy Machine is The Principal’s Secretary’s Student Assistant’s Best Friend.

One of the forms I received was An Emergency Contact Sheet, should I get hurt while on the job. Normally, this is a form I fill out in two seconds flat – I stick in Easily Annoyed Sister’s Information and pray that when they call to tell her I Am Near Death, she doesn’t behave Easily Annoyed. But, this year I couldn’t use My Easily Annoyed Sister’s Information because she is moving back to New York next week. It seems, Los Angeles Annoyed Her and she misses The East Coast. And, so pen frozen in mid-air, I stared at the blank form.

I had No One to list as My Emergency Contact.

For a mere moment, I thought of putting down Totally Awesome Boyfriend. But, I didn’t think that would be A Good Idea. What if Some Large Object Fell On Me during the year and I was Trapped With Limited Quantities Of Available Oxygen or I Fell Down The School Well or Something and/or I was Run Over By The School Bus!? And they pull out My Emergency Contact Sheet!? And they call Totally Awesome Boyfriend because he is listed as My Emergency Contact!? And What They Don’t Realize is The Night Before he Broke Up With Me!? Not that I think that will Actually Happen. I mean, The Breaking Up Part. After all, Totally Awesome Boyfriend and I are Madly In Love. But, The Heavy Thing Falling On Top Of Me and The Limited Oxygen and School Well/Bus Stuff? Sure!! Let us not forget, I am a girl who once (Very Dramatically) Fell Down The Stairs At The Opera. There are Heavy Things dangling over me at all times, you see.

In the end, I decided to just put down My MOM’s Information. I know, she lives in Florida and would be of Very Little Help should there be An Actual Emergency.

But, I figure, at least this way, I can be assured that The School Nurse will have an opportunity to Feel My Pain, too.


Anonymous said...

I, too, list my mom as my emergency contact. I'm planning on giving her a list of my friends and their numbers, in case I need local assistance... hey, wait, that might be a bad idea.

Anonymous said...

I also list my mom (or my sister, but um, even though my sister lives closer, my mom is a safer bet). And since I read some article about this guy who died and no one knew who he was (something happened to his wallet), I put additional info in my cell phone. So like, next to Bethany, it says sister and next to my coworker's name, it says coworker. Because I have a Jewish mother and am paranoid like that.

Crystal said...

I list my husband and my mom. I just have to say your post about your tumble down the stairs at the opera had me ROTFLOL. I'm sorry that happened, but the vivid account of what happened had me cracking up. I guess that's a day you won't ever forget, eh? LOL