Wednesday, September 06, 2006

How Predictable

On Monday, I went to The Grocery Store to pick up some much needed lunch supplies for My Big Back To School/Work Week, as well as ingredients necessary to make My Very Special, Yet Delicious And Healthy, Blueberry Crumble French Toast for Totally Awesome Boyfriend the next morning. As I stood in an aisle, perusing The Sprinkled Cinnamon Options, an older woman, dressed entirely in White, pushed a very large wagon stuffed to the top with junk food behind me. And then, she Stopped Suddenly In Her Tracks.

“Eh, eckuse me. I no mean to bother. But, I had to stop and tell you, I see Great Tings happening to you!! You Very Positive energy!! Very Positive! Eh-mazing Joyous Tings are upcoming, I tink!” She seemed rather Excited. “Do you believe in Psychic Readings?” she asked.

“I’m sorry, No,” I told her. ‘But, I appreciate you stopping to tell me Great Things are going to happen to me!”

The Truth is, I Don’t Believe in Psychics or Super Natural Stuff or Ghosts or Fortune Tellers or Horoscopes. I never could understand how One Horoscope can be accurate for Every Single Person Who Was Born Under That Sign. I also strongly believe that we control The Future with our Actions and therefore it is Not Finite and Completely Unpredictable. But, I do enjoy being told that Great Things Are Coming My Way. Because, I Truly Believe that They Are.

“I sorry to bother,” the woman apologized again to me, in response to my negative reply. She seemed disappointed. Yet she continued on her way and I resumed Seeking Out The Cinnamon.

But, then, The Woman Stopped Suddenly once more.

‘I sorry to bother anutter time, but you know where de Apple Sauce is?” the woman inquired.

“Um…I think it is The Next Aisle Over,” I said.

“Tank you!” the woman gleefully shouted, pushing her cart in the direction of The Next Aisle.

And as she walked away, I thought, “I guess her Psychic Powers only work on People.”


Michael said...

I was just watching reruns of "Lost" and in a flashback, a woman gives money to a psychic, who starts to count it. As a joke, she says, "if you're psychic, you'd know it's all there." He says, "it doesn't work that way." But then again, he could be part of a conspiracy to get her on the plane that crashed so she'd be trapped on the island, so he wouldn't know anything about psychic ability anyway. It doesn't take psychic powers to see you're destined for greatness, or that your bf would love the blueberry crumble breakfast.

But who knew I'd become a "Lost" fanatic?

Anonymous said...

I'm not Psychic, I've Never Seen your Aura, and I wouldn't know a Chakra Svādhiṣṭhāna from a Chaka Khan - but I know you are Destined either for Greatness or Madness.

Please Remember us Little People Who Loved You when you Finally Get There.

Anonymous said...

Let me guess...Rock and Roll Ralphs?

Anonymous said...

Mom and I went to a psychic for fun several years ago. Near the end she offered to put a curse on someone for an extra fee of course. We couldn't stop laughing as we made it to our car.