Friday, August 25, 2006

O, 'Tis (The) Cat!

While I was in Manhattan, I stayed with My Friend, Supermodel Cindy. Supermodel Cindy is Great – I have stayed with her Countless Times before. But, Supermodel Cindy also Loves Her Cats. She lives in A Tiny One Bedroom and at one time had Five Cats as pets. Over the years, they have all Passed On To Kitty Heaven, and last time I visited, she was down to One Very Old Cat. Since that time, Supermodel Cindy has adopted A Brand New Cat, named Otis. And This Animal is headed straight for Kitty Hell.

Otis The Cat has No Manners. He Jumps and Climbs and Meows. He Scratches and Bites and even Eats Off Your Breakfast Plate. He does these things because he usually goes Unpunished. It seems Supermodel Cindy enjoys Otis The Cat’s Acting Out. As a guest, I could do no more than Smile when Otis Walked Over My Very Expensive, Brand New Computer Keyboard. Or, Jumped Into My Suitcase To Take A Catnap. Or Climbed On Top Of My Head. After all, I was just grateful that Supermodel Cindy had Opened Her Crazy Cat Den Apartment to me.

I should mention, I am Not Really A Cat Person. In fact, I kind of Hate Them. Years ago, I was roommates with a friend who owned a cat and I merely tolerated the animal. I would buy lots of Catnip and give it to The Cat when my roommate was Not Around. This made The Cat So Happy, it would just Sit In The Corner and Play With A Piece Of Lint For Hours! And So I Was Very Happy, too. Unfortunately, my roommate was Livid once he discovered I was getting His Cat High everyday after work and I was asked to just Stay In My Room if I didn’t like The Cat. Why The Stupid Annoying Cat couldn’t stay in His Room Instead did occur to me. But, My Bedroom was also pretty Large by New York Standards, so I Agreed to My Room/Jellical Jail Punishment.

But, Staying In My Room was Not An Option during my Stint With Supermodel Cindy, since My Room was basically Her Sofa. Eventually, over the few days I was there, I just got used to Otis The Cat’s Favorite Nighttime Game, “How Many Times Can I Jump Over The Daily Randi’s Head While She Is Sleeping Before She Wakes Up Or I Accidentally Land On It.” And I adjusted to Otis The Cat’s need to Jump Into The Shower With Me. I will admit, I Never Warmed Up to Otis The Cat’s Devouring of My Bagel and Cream Cheese. Especially, since it was An Actual (Extra Delicious) New York Bagel.

Because, you can bet -- if Otis The Cat was Living In Los Angeles, he Never Ever would be desiring My Lousy, Undelicous Bagel.

But, he probably would still be trying to Shower With Me.


Crystal said...

Oh my gosh, this post was hilarious. Were you a journalism major? Great writing.

Anonymous said...

Love it! Otis must be related to my roommate's cat - she apparently has no issue with her cat climbing on counters and hanging out while she cooks. Oh, and then offers me some of the cat-hair infested food. Yum!
And she wonders why I order out 5 nights a week...

gooblythe said...

Journalism major?!!!