Friday, August 18, 2006

Aye, Candy!

This past week, Totally Awesome Boyfriend and I took in an afternoon screening of Pirates of the Caribbean The Sequel. We had just seen The First One a few weeks ago and were both Very Excited to see This Latest Flick. Oh, and Totally Awesome Boyfriend Adores that Orlando Bloom. And I Greatly Enjoy that Captain Jack Sparrow, mostly because even though I may have finally figured out It Is Not Wise To Date Cocky, Drunk, Eye-Liner Wearing, Leather Pants-Donning Bad Boys, I still like To Watch.

Before we go to A Movie, Totally Awesome Boyfriend likes to Buy Candy. There is A Candy Store right near The Movie Theatre We Frequent, and Totally Awesome Boyfriend goes Goo-Goo For The Goodies, scooping up all his favorites – Gummy Things and Jelly Things and Chocolaty Things and Sugary Things. He is just like A Kid In The Candy Store when he is in The Candy Store! Being A Traditionalist, I refrain from The Candy Store Shopping Spree, instead preferring A Large, Movie Theatre-Issued One-Squirt-Of-Artificial-Butter-Please Popcorn and A Delicious Pack Of Twizzlers. Then, after we Sit Down To Watch The Movie, Totally Awesome Boyfriend always leans over to me and says, “Don’t let me Eat All The Candy.”

And then, of course, Totally Awesome Boyfriend Eats All The Candy.

So, during Pirates of The Caribbean The Sequel, right in the midst of Some Sort Of Big Pirate/Sea Monster Debacle, I felt The Usual Tug on my arm.

“The Daily Randi,” Totally Awesome Boyfriend whispered. “I feel Sick.” I glanced over quickly and noticed that Totally Awesome Boyfriend was clutching his stomach. “It feels Just Like Halloween!” he moaned.

I just looked at him before I reminded, “Stop eating The Candy.”

“Um,” he replied. “I already Ate It All!”

Alarmed I said, “You ate All Of That Candy?? That was A Huge Ass Bag Of Candy, Totally Awesome Boyfriend!” I spied The Huge Ass Empty Candy Bag, including Candy Wrappers balled up on the floor in front of him.

A few moments passed, while we returned to Watching The Movie.

And then he muttered: “You weren’t supposed to let me Eat All The Candy.”

I just Rolled My Eyes and returned to The Pirates. I know that even if I had reminded him to Stop Eating The Candy earlier, he wouldn’t have Listened anyway. Because Boys Will Be Boys. If they want to Eat All The Candy, they are going to Do It No Matter What. All you can really do is Try To Make Them Feel Better. And that is Exactly what I set out to do.

“Look at How Pretty Orlando Bloom Is!” I whispered in Totally Awesome Boyfriend’s ear, taking his hand and kissing it.

“Yeah,” he muttered, perking up immediately. “He looks just like A Beautiful Woman!”

But, then he asked: “Hey! Can I have some of your Twizzlers?”

See? Boys Will Be Boys.

Especially If There Is Candy Around -- Regular or Eye.


the Yearning Heart said...

I'm Sure He's Awesome, but He Has His Faults. Too Much of Anything can Be Bad.

After All, My Mom told me, "Yearning Heart, Never Finish Your Plate. Especially if your Serving is Bigger Than Your Head. There are Starving Children in Omaha, and if you Eat All The Food, there will be Nothing Left For Them, and they will Have To Survive On Corn Husks. Did you know that's Why They're Called Cornhuskers? I Thought Not."

Anonymous said...

Twizzlers rule, and Totally Awesome Boyfriend needs to learn to listen to you more often. ;-)