Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I Must Have Been Waitlisted.

When it comes to Dating, I am a bit of A Snob. Like most women, I have A Running List Of Qualifications that A Boy must possess in order for me to consider Going Out With Him. For example, He Must Have A Job. And, He Must Not Live With His Parents. He should be At Least 34 Years Of Age. Oh, and he needs to be Really Really Cute. And, of course Single. Although, we all know I let That Last One slide every now and then.

My Most Important Qualification For A Boy, however, is that He Must Have Attended College. And Graduated. I will give him A Few Credits Shy Of Graduation if he has An Excellent Health Insurance Plan and Lives In A House That He Does Not Share With An Old College Buddy/Roommate. But, College is Key. My Friends make fun of me for having this Non-Negotiable on My Future Boyfriend Qualification List, but A College Education is Very Important. But, that is Not The Snobby Part. No, The Snobby Part is that My Preference is for The Boy To Possess An Ivy League Education.

That's right -- Not Only do I want to Date A Boy Who Has A Job, Lives Away From Home, Is At Least 34 Years Of Age, Is Single, and of course, Really Really Cute, but I would also prefer if he attended Any Of The Following Schools: Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia, Dartmouth, Brown, Cornell, University of Pennsylvania, and/or Princeton. This is what I think of as My First Choice Boyfriend List.

Of course, I attended New York University, which is Not On That Aforementioned List. I am Well Aware of that. For that reason, I have Assembled A Second List, which I refer to as My Safety Boyfriend List. Those Institutes Of Higher Learning include, but are not limited to: Boston University, Vassar, Boston College, Notre Dame, USC, Grinnell College, Syracuse University, Duke, UCSD, Berkeley, Carnegie Mellon, Villanova, Penn State, and New York University, natch.

Some people have pointed out that My Lists May Be Impractical. And A Bit Too Focused On Winning College Sports Teams/Preppy Handbook Mentions. But, I just Poo-Poo those Naysayers! I simply am attracted to Stimulating Intellectual Conversation! And Boys Who Understand How To Properly Press Khaki Pants! I want Very Bright Children Who Will Excel At Lacrosse! Most Importantly, I want My Wedding Announcement listed in The (Very Evil) New York Times Wedding Pages. And The Only Way That I Will Obtain That Last Item Is If One Of Us Has An Ivy League Pedigree. And, we all know, It Ain’t Going To Be Me.

Of course, It would be Really Nice if He Were Jewish, too.

But, you know, A Girl Can't Be Too Picky.

1 comment:

'Mazing Amy said...

With the exception of the Jewish qualification (substitute Catholic), I have the EXACT same list, though I put USC first as it would be fun to go to Football Games with a fellow Trojan. :)