Notes To Fabulous Self, 2006 Edition

Updated List Of Things To Do Before I Die (Or At Least By The End Of The Month):

Pay bills, buy laptop, find money to buy laptop, call MOM, have boyfriend, get married, find stable, employed, preferably unmarried man to marry me, freeze eggs, have children, get someone to have my children, purchase dream car, move into mansion, break up with Cutest Boy Ever for Upteenth Time, break up with The Worst Guy Ever Ever Ever for Upteenth Time, sleep with Cutest Boy Ever again, okay -- sleep with The Worst Guy Ever Ever again, too, celebrate finally achieving long-time goal to have Abs Like Britney Spears by ironically Eating Too Many Potato Chips and Not Less, reevaluate Hideous Ill-Conceived Britney Spears Abs Ambition, eat less Potato Chips, go to Vegas, go to Hawaii, go to New York, go to Heaven if only I was sure it existed and I thought I could get in or was at least on the list or knew someone I could call to put me on the list but let's face it the best parties will be in Hell anyway, come to terms with Fear that Hell may be even Tougher to get into than Heaven or even Elusive and Restrictive Teddy's at The Roosevelt Hotel, Really, I Mean It This Time, break up with Cutest Boy Ever, finish fabulous Judy Jetson inspired knit sweater featuring fantastic stuffed collar, drink more water, drink more milk, drink more champagne, or is it less? I forget, too much champagne have been drinkin' tonight, I remember! Drink less champagne tonight! (Oh. Too late. Cheers!), lose 6 more pounds, eat more cupcakes, complain less, clean apartment, hire man/woman to clean apartment, get book deal, write one-woman show, plant garden, Take back Cutest Boy Ever, exercise more, read more, bully less, teach self how to sew, continue unending quest to learn how to date the people I meet, not meet more people to date, or wait? Should I be meeting more or dating more or attending more meetings or eating more dates? Still cannot figure it out. Adopt dog, buy more flowers, get someone to buy me flowers, preferably male, preferably Very Handsome, Very Eligible, George Clooney, who has recently replaced Harrison Ford as Movie Star With Whom I Most Want To Have Secret Yet Well Documented By Nosy Paparazzi Fling. (Message To George Clooney: Call me! I'm Yours!)
"I Heart You, The Daily Randi."