Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Needle Prick

I have joined A New Knitting Group. I may have been Accused Of Being A Knitting Bully, but that wasn't going to Stop Me from Making Small Talk Conversation With Women Of Varying Ages Who Shared My Antiquated Hobby! I would find A Whole New Group Of Knitters to Judge! And Not Meet My Standards!! Knitting Groups Of Los Angeles, Hold On To Your Yarn Skeins -- The Daily Randi is On The Prowl and She Has A Great Pair Of Giant Needles!

On the first day, I informed My New Knitting Circle that I Had A Problem. "I was Kicked Out of My Last Group," I brazenly warned them. "Because I am A Knitting Bully." I felt just like The New Girl At School who wants everyone to know She Is Not To Be Messed With and May Steal Your Boyfriend and Smoke In The Girls Room but Really She Has A Heart Of Gold and Is Totally Misunderstood and Wants To Be Pretty and Popular Just Like Everyone Else. Kinda like Jo, on Facts of Life! Just with A Much Cuter Hair Do and Fabulous Shoes. Then, after I had Made My Proclamation, I proceeded to Knit! Mostly because I couldn't think of any Really Tough Things to do. And, well, Because I Wanted Them To Like Me. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I wanted to get everything Out In The Open. I was going to be A Reformed Knitting Bully! I could feel some of their Stares on me while I was Pretending To Concentrate.

Finally, one of them spoke up. "Um....What exactly does a Knitting Bully do?"

"Beats Me!" I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. And since then, we have all gotten along Famously.

The other night, The Woman Sitting Next To Me was complaining about a pattern she recently saw in a magazine. "I mean, it was for A Baby," she whined. "But, they were booties in the shape of Frog's Feet! They were Green and Webbed and Everything! Why would anyone Do That to A Baby? I mean, it is Inhuman, dressing your Baby up like A Frog! And The Baby can't talk, so it can't Complain!"

"That is Horrible!" I said, trying to ingratiate myself. I have learned from My Past Knitting Group Experiences that it May Be Better To Just Agree With My Fellow Knitters, rather than Disagree, you see. "But, you know what would be Worse? Knitting Little Baby Feet and Sticking Them On Frogs! Frogs Can't Talk Either! Frogs Can't Complain! It would be UnFrogish! They don't want to be Dressed Up Like Little Babies!"

A Lingering Silence fell over The Group. Finally, another member, sitting behind me, Perked Up.

"You're Right! That Would Be Worse!" she said as she gave me A Look Of Discontent.

And then, I Knew. I Knew, she too had learned The Lesson, it is Just Better To Agree, rather than To Disagree when part of A Knitting Circle.

Probably, she was Just A Reformed Knitting Bully, too.

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