Wednesday, February 15, 2006

My Funny Valentine

Some Post-Valentine Day Musings:

If you stay home on a Saturday Night, Knitting A Bunny Hat for Your Old Friend's New Baby while watching Couples Ice Skating, will you be Single Forever?

When your Co-Workers sit around a lunch table in The Employee Lounge, discussing The Various Romantic, Creative, and, okay, Adorable Ways their Loved Ones are planning on Celebrating The Holiday, is it really such A Buzz Kill to Pipe Up and announce, "Hey! I got E-Dumped Last Week!"?

Say you're A Teacher, and you enter your classroom in the morning and discover A Huge Bouquet Of Flowers, Like The Huuuuuuuggggggest! And it was Mistakenly Delivered To You and not The Teacher It Was Intended For, even though You Can Totally Justify The Flowers Because The Card Reads, "Love Brian" and about Two Years Ago You Dated A Guy Named Brian And Who Knows, Maybe He Changed His Mind, Sometimes They Do, do you Really have to Say Something and Give The Flowers To Their Rightful Owner? Because, I swear, I never heard of That Rule before. Finders, Keepers.

If a student gives you A Love Gram that says, "You are the Bestest Teacher Ever Ever Ever EVER EEEEEEVVVVVVERRR! STARS!!!!!! HEARTS!!!!! PUPPY DOGS WITH CAREFULLY DRAWN WHISKERS!!!! RAINBOW!!!! XOXOXOXO" and it Makes Your Day, should Your Day Be Destroyed when you notice Another Teacher's Stash and it includes A Love Gram from The Identical (Clearly Two-timing Student and it says EXACTLY THE SAME THING, except This Teacher got A UNICORN!!!!!!, too? I should add, the UNICORN was Obviously Traced from some book and not Hand Drawn like my PUPPY DOG WHISKERS.

If you hear from The Cutest Boy Ever Every Single Day since You Broke Up With Him Over Four Months Ago, but, Suddenly, for Some Odd Reason, Today, Of All Days, Valentine's Day, The Phone Doesn't Ring and He Doesn't Call You, should you Cry? Or should you Count Your Blessings instead?

If you find yourself Home On Valentine's Day Night, Eating Chocolate, Watching Grown Men Skating In Fancy, Feminine Outfits Figure Skate, Knitting A Bunny Hat for Your Old Friend's New Baby, and you Think To Yourself, "There is Always Next Year!" even though you recall that you had The Exact Same Chat With Yourself Last Year and you got Dumped last week and None Of Your Ex-Boyfriends Have Called and You Have A Stomach Ache from the Diet Coke Black Cherry Vanilla Soda/Baked Lays Combo you Enjoyed For Dinner but that Lacks Any Nutritional Value and Will Probably Only Make You Fat and No One Drew You A UNICORN, even one that was Obviously Traced and not Hand Drawn, should you Cry/Worry/Change The Channel And Watch American Idol? The Promo said it was Hollywood Week!

Or should you just Write It All Down in A Column?

No comments: