Friday, January 13, 2006

Third Anniversary Edition: The Best of 2005 - Miss Candy

Happy Anniversary to Me! That's right -- This Week marks The Third Anniversary of The Daily Randi! I am So Grateful to everyone who has Read and Forwarded This Column! Over the past three years, I have written over 1000 columns and My Subscribers List has Grown and Grown. This week, please Celebrate by enjoying some of The Best Columns of 2005!

Miss Candy- Originally published October 19, 2005

On my coffee table, I keep a Candy Dish. It is a heart-shaped bowl, made of crystal, that one of my students gifted me with at Christmas. I remember, I loved the sentiment, but thought it an odd choice, as it seemed more like A Wedding Gift than A Teacher Gift. Perhaps they saw The "Miss" in front of my name and figured that I really wanted to register for it, if I only I had The Opportunity and The Occasion. Then they most likely noted My Age and figured, Christmas would be The Only Opportunity and Occasion this Sad, Single, Miss Teacher would have.

Nevertheless, there is An Old Saying I Made Up that goes, "If A Girl Has A Candy Dish, She Better Keep It On Her Coffee Table And Fill It With Candy For When Boys Come Over Because Boys Really Love To Eat Candy." There is another part of That Old Saying about "Keeping Your Fridge Freshly Stocked With Beer," but I digress. I always follow My Own Made Up Advice, so most of the year, My Heart Shaped Crystal Candy Dish is filled with A Variety Of Hershey's Kisses. Sometimes, I like to keep Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans within its crystal sphere. Of course, presently, it is full of Delicious, Seasonal Candy Corn. And not just any Delicious, Seasonal Candy Corn: I prefer The Delicious, Seasonal Candy Corn with the Tasty Chocolate Bottoms.

The Cutest Boy Ever greatly enjoys Eating Out Of My Candy Dish and Devouring Delicious, Seasonal Candy Corn, and finished nearly The Entire Bowl the other day, much to My Delight! Unfortunately, when I went to help myself to some of The Remaining Delicious, Seasonal Candy Corn after he left, I found that I had mostly A Handful Of Dry, Brown, Rectangular Remnants. Decidedly Undelicious and Unseasonal! From what I could deduce, The Cutest Boy Ever does not like The Tasty Chocolate Bottoms and figured the best way to dispose of them was to Take A Handful Of Delicious Candy Corn, Bite Off The Offending Portions, and then Deposit Those Remains Back Into The Heart-Shaped, Crystal Candy Dish from whence they came. I should also mention, he likes to Burp and Fart.

Regardless, I am just glad that my Heart Shaped, Crystal Candy Dish is getting Some Good Use, of late. In fact, I have had to Replenish Its Contents nearly Three Times in the past month! And that means Me and My Candy Dish are Seeing Some Action!

And by Action, for once, I don't mean, Sitting Home And Wondering If All Our Delicious Contents Are Going To Rot And Stick Together due to Utter Lack Of Attention.

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