Thursday, January 05, 2006

Stereo Typing

Over the weekend, I went to The Movies. It was pouring out and I was already at the mall, where the movie was playing and I was Tired and Wet and in the need of some Good Old Fashioned Entertainment. So, I chose to see "The Producers," because I am big Musical Theatre Geek/Fag Hag from back in the day. But, also because it was Starting Soonest. I didn't want to wait the twenty minutes for "Memoirs of A Geisha."

Naturally, I was the Youngest, Straightest Girl in the audience. And that is saying a lot because this year I will be 36. Everyone was either Young And Gay, Old And Gay, or Just Plain Old (and Probably Gay). Seniors Heart Musicals! Because of the holiday and the rain, the place was packed.

Just before the movie started, a girl who could not have been older than 19 crawled over the row and sat down in the empty seat next to mine. "Hmm," I thought. "She doesn't look like she is in the right theatre." Maybe she thought all musicals were Just Like "Rent." Or maybe she was supposed to see, "King Kong." Or maybe, I Shouldn't Judge A Book By Its Cover.

Or maybe, I Should. About five minutes into the film, It Started. A loud BUZZZZZ would emerge from the lap of Teen Girl. Teeny would open up her Cell Phone, allowing the Bright Backlight to permeate the Formally Dark Theatre. She would Chuckle at whatever she was reading and then begin Noisily Texting Someone. This repeated Every Five Minutes or so.

I sat there Steaming. What does this chick think she is doing? Why does she think it is okay to behave this way in a movie theatre? Every time her phone opened she Lit Up The Entire Row! The BUZZZING was Outrageous! Her thumbs over the little number pad sounded like One Thousand Nails On A Chalkboard to me. Where on earth has Etiquette gone? This was as bad as Talking on the stupid phone during a movie!

It took me about An Hour to finally Say Something. Not being able to take in any longer, when Teeny went to check her BUZZZING Phone the final time, I turned to her and said, "What you are doing is Extremely Rude. SHUT IT." She looked at me with Fear in her eyes and indeed SHUT IT. I think I may have Scared Her! I used my Best Teacher Voice!

Of course then I had to endure her Endless Sighing. Every two minutes or so, I would hear: *SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH* I guess she Didn't Like the movie.

I would Write More, but I have to Run....I have been Standing In Line, waiting to order My Sugar Free Non Fat Soy Double No Foam Vanilla Chai Latte at The Trendy Hollywood Coffee Shop while I Typed This Column into My Sidekick and I guess it has been My Turn For A While and now Everyone Is Annoyed With Me for some stupid reason.


No comments: