Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Resolutions Are Funny! Oh. I Mean Fun.

My New Year's Resolution for 2006 is To Turn Every Negative Thought I Have Into A Positive One instead. So far, This Resolution Totally Sucks. Eh, I mean, it is Fun To Have Something New To Think About! It is just Soooo Hard to have to think of Something Positive every time I have A Freaking Negative Thought! I mean, it is Challenging. It is Challenging and all my thoughts are Beautiful. See what I mean? This is The Dumbest Resolution yet. Ugh, I mean This Resolution is Studying Hard so it will be Brighter.

I got the idea for My New Year's Resolution a few weeks ago. I was reading Oprah Magazine, or Watching Oprah, or Dreaming About Oprah, and she said she had interviewed some Wildly Successful Woman, who is So Successful that I Can't Remember Her Name, and asked her about what she felt made her So Confident. And this woman said it was because she spent a year working on Turning Every Negative Thought Around. At the time I heard this, I was shopping around for A New New Year's Resolution. I can't go with Lose Weight or Quit Smoking because I did all those things already. I thought of using, "Don't Date Guys Who Already Have Girlfriends Any Longer," but I feel that is Really Limiting myself. This "Turning Negative Thoughts into Positive Thoughts" Thing sounded good on paper. So, I figured I would give it a try.

But, ohhhh, it has been Awful. I mean, Not So Good. Who wants to be Positive all the time? Seriously, all it is really doing is forcing me into The Deep Hole Of Denial. Now, instead of admitting I don't like something or someone, I will be finding new ways to accept them.

"This line at the bank is Too Long!" becomes, "This long bank line is Fantastic! I can get So Much Thinking done!"

"I can't believe She Wore That!" becomes "That Girl really has An Eye for Mismatching Denim!"

"I can't believe My Blind Date Invites Me To Lunch And Makes Me Drive An Hour In Holiday Traffic All The Way To His Neighborhood Only To Be Totally Boring and Make Me Contribute Five Bucks for The French Fries I ordered!" becomes, "What a Jerk!"

Well, eh, see, that one I can't Turn Around. Asking me Pay For My Fries really was Just Jerky.

1 comment:

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