Friday, January 27, 2006

So Shoe Me

I had A Pair Of Black Suede Strappy Sandals that I Used To Wear Everywhere and With Everything. Nearly Fifteen Years Ago, I bought them to wear to A Friend's Wedding. They were by far My Favorite Pair Of Shoes and anytime they Broke -- say, The Buckle became Loose, The Sole needed to Be Replaced, The Suede Torn -- I took them to A Shoemaker and would have them Repaired. I must have had them Repaired Half A Zillion Times! They were just The Perfect Shoe! They could be Casual, they could be Classy, they were good for Evening, they were perfect for A Walk To The Store. And they were slightly Retro In Style, which is A Look I Covet. People were always Complementing me on them. Naturally, The Friend whose wedding I purchased the shoes for is Long Divorced. Just The Shoes remained.

And then, one day, They Broke For The Ultimate Time.

See, the last time I took My Favorite Shoes in for Repair, The Shoemaker shook his head. "I do only for you, Pretty Girl!" he declared. "These shoes Not Good anymore! This Last Time!"

So, a few weeks ago, when The Strap Of The Left Shoe Tore Off, I had A Big Decision to make: Look Super Pretty and then Beg The Shoe Maker Man To Fix My Shoes One More Time? Whore myself out to A New Shoemaker? Or Buy New Favorite Shoes.

I elected to Buy New Favorite Shoes.

So, I looked Everywhere for A New Pair of Fabulous Shoes that were both Casual and Classy, good for Evening, perfect for A Walk To The Store. I finally settled on a pair of Black Suede Michael Kors Pumps that I found at Nordstroms. They weren't Perfect, but they were Better Than Nothing. At least they had That Retro-Look I like to wear. I purchased them rather reluctantly. I really wasn't sure I Liked Them All That Much. But, now I think they are Pretty Awesome.

This morning, wearing My New Shoes, of course, and standing in line at A Starbucks, waiting patiently for My Daily Tall Personal Cup Redeye, someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but Your Shoes Are Absolutely Fantastic! Tell me, Who Did Your Shoes?" said a voice.

I looked up and there stood A Woman, about mid-forties, who had obviously just had Some Major Work done to Her Face. There was Micro-Dermabrasion. And Something Unknown And Very Scary Looking Happening With Her Brow. Also, there was A Huge Bandage across Her Nose. And she had Two Black Eyes. Her Lips were Completely Swollen. Still, she was Dressed To The Nines, wearing Lipstick and donning Huge Designer Sunglasses. Maybe she was having All This Done to try and impress Her Shoemaker so he would repair Her Favorite Shoes. Trying not to Stare, I answered, "Michael Kors."

But what I really wanted to ask was, "Who did your Face?"

Because I really doubt it was Michael Kors. It was So Far From My Fantastic.

Unlike like My New Favorite Pair Of Shoes.

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