Lickety Spit

The other day, I was driving along, thinking about who I was going to manage to recruit to be My Shiny New Boyfriend. Clearly, Crazy Divorced Guy was not going to Make The Cut. I was going to have to Spin My Web and Trap Someone Brand New.

In my head, I considered All Ofl The Boys I Have Ever Met and Who Live Within 25 Miles Of Zip Code 90046. After I cast aside All The Boys I Have Already Dated, and The Gay Boys and The Taken Boys and The Very Married Boys and The Boys Who Lie About Being Gay/Taken/And Married And I Have Already Dated, I suddenly remembered This One Boy. I have known This One Boy for a while and for some reason have always felt like He May Have Had A Thing For Me. Unfortunately, the few times we have Hung Out have been Total Disasters. For example, once, I was at A Christmas Party and I May Or May Not Have Had A Bit Too Much Delicious Champagne/Eggnog/Vodka/Mystery Pink Punch Stuff and I Had A Crush On This One Boy's Friend and there was An Empty Chair and I said to This One Boy's Friend, "Come sit down next to Me!" And then, right before he did, I got Down On My Knees and proceeded to Lick The Chair. This Episode, which has come to be known amongst My Friends as "The Hideously Embarrassing Chair Licking Incident," was So Mortifying that one's Immediate Response to Its Mere Mention is to Avert One's Eyes and/or Change The Subject to Much Less Embarrassing Things like, "That Time When You Were Fifteen And Your Then Boyfriend Walked In On You Changing Your Tampon." Since The Hideously Embarrassing Chair Licking Incident, every time I run into This One Boy, I was sure he is Remembering It and I Shiver. Still, I also always recall thinking that there may be Something There.

So, it was A Strange Sort Of Coincidence when I Received An E-Mail From This One Boy yesterday afternoon. Just To Say Hi. Especially since I have never told anyone that I thought there may be Something There. And, I had Just Been Thinking About Him. And, I didn't know This One Boy even Knew My E-Mail Address. After I read This One Boy's Letter, I was So Excited, I Wrote Him Back Right Away!

And, of course, I Licked My Computer Screen. After all, You Can't Teach An Old Drunk New Tricks.