Friday, December 09, 2005

Delete is Not Just A Thing That Comes Out Of A Faucet When You Can't Say Your Ks

When The Worst Guy Ever Ever Ever e-mailed me a few weeks ago, I wasn't that surprised. After all, I hadn't heard from him in Over Three Months and the last time we did talk, his Final Words were, "I will call you next week because I can't wait to see you again!" It turns out, what he Really Meant was, "I will call you in three months when I get bored of my girlfriend again and I Notice You Erased Me From Your My Space Profile!"

See, about a month ago, The Cutest Boy Ever was over my house and was using my computer. He had gone to my My Space Profile and seen The Worst Guy Ever Ever Ever was still one of my Friends. In fact, I had him placed in The Top Eight. The Cutest Boy Ever knows My History With Him and became Irate.

"You need to Delete Him From Your Friend List right now or we can Never Ever Be Together Ever Again!" screamed The Cutest Boy Ever. Never mind that I had already Broken Up With The Cutest Boy Ever and We Weren't Together Any More. And I was Still Hanging Out With Him. And I was Letting Him Sleep Over. If there was anyone I needed to Delete From My Friends List, it was The Cutest Boy Ever.

Reluctantly, I clicked on The Worst Guy Ever Ever Ever's picture and Hit Delete. Gone was My Connection to him Forever. But that wasn't the reason I Didn't Want To Delete Him. No, I feared that if I Deleted Him, he would Notice and take that as some sort of Passive Aggressive Attempt To Get His Attention. Sort of like Calling Him And Hanging Up. Or Text Messaging him. Or Staking Out The Starbucks Where I Know He Goes Every Morning To Get His Coffee On His Way To Work And Pretending To Just Happen To Be Getting Coffee There, Too, Coincidentally, At The Exact Same Time As Him, Even Though I Live On The Total Other Side Of Town And Don't Work Anywhere Near By. And then, ultimately, he would Contact Me Again. And I didn't really Want His Contact. I just wanted him to remain my Cyber Friend and then we could Ignore Each Other, peacefully.

Predictably, not two days went by before I got A Message from The Worst Guy Ever Ever Ever begging for me to Be His Friend Again. The note included An Apology, A Plea For My Forgiveness, and, naturally, A Reference To The Girlfriend/Wife Who Was Back In His Life Which Is The Reason He Hasn't Called Me Even Though He Can't Stop Thinking About Me And Misses My Smile. Which, of course, is all a bunch of Bull Sh$t.

Still, I made The Worst Guy Ever Ever Ever My Friend again. I didn't feel right saying No. Sure, I could have Ignored His Message. But that seemed like The Much Less Interesting Choice.

Although, Probably it was The Worst Decision Ever Ever Ever, too.

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