Monday, November 28, 2005

Sweaty Guise

Thanksgiving Morning, I was Elated! I had just Run A 5K! And I mean I Ran It! I didn't Walk like I thought I was going to have to. I Ran The Whole Darn Thing! I felt Really Proud. And, well, Tired.

After the race was finished, I ran into The Woman Who Made Me Do It In The First Place. No longer Evil in my eyes, I was Thrilled to see her.

"The Daily Randi, do you have A Boyfriend?" she said to me Point Blank. No, Hi, How Are You? She is always Very Direct.

"No," I relented. "But I should! I just Ran A 5K! Maybe they just can't Catch Me!"

And before I could say Anything Else, Formally Evil Woman said, "Good. I want you to Meet Someone!" Apparently, she was back to her Evil Ways.

For The Next Twenty Minutes, I was having A Breathless, Post 5K Conversation with A Really Sweaty Guy. I think he may have been Cute, but it is really hard to say when One Looks Like They Just Ran A Marathon. Of course, I looked like Crap, too, which made it Really Difficult for me to concentrate on What He Was Saying. I think he may have told me He Works In A Law Firm and Lives In Brentwood. But he could have just as well have told me that He Needs A Law Firm because he Killed Brent Wood, because all I kept thinking about was, How I Foolishly Had Not Opted To Wear My Cute Juicy Sweat Pants! And, How I Didn't Have The Foresight To Apply Any Makeup Or Fabulous Heels Right Before The Big Run! And, of course, How Disgustingly Sweaty This Really Sweaty Man I Was Talking To Was! Eeayuck! It was Really Kind Of Gross.

In the end, Really Sweaty Guy asked me for My Phone Number, using the, "I May Have To Ask You For Advice On A Good Trendy Restaurant To Go To!" Excuse. I don't know why men just can't Ask You For Your Number any more. Clearly, we know what they are Up To. Yet, there always has to be some sort of Guise, just in case They Change Their Mind And Never Call You.

And that's probably the reason we call them Guys.

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