Thursday, September 08, 2005


When I was in Florida, My mom bought me a pair of Fabulous Marc Jacobs Shoes. They are Beeeeeautiful -- Platform Sandals with A Navy and Red Flowered Panel sewn on to the heel. I got my mom to Purchase Them For Me because they were like, So Totally On Sale at The Saks Fifth Avenue Outlet Store. At first, she said, NO. But, then, later, we had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, and I saw in the Cheesecake Factory Menu/Magazine Thing that when you show your receipt at Saks, you got 25% off The Sale Price of Any Item In The Store and I Showed It To My Mom and Then We Went Back To The Store and Then We Showed Them Our Receipt and then she So Totally Bought Them For Me!! Some call it Manipulation; I call it Shopping!

We put The Fabulous Marc Jacobs Shoes in the Car Trunk and Drove Home. I made her listen to Hip-Hop Music, which She Hates. My Mom thinks that All The Singers are Thugs Who Don't Abide By The Law and Didn't Go To College. "ITS SO LOUD! AND THEY ARE ALWAYS GETTING ARRESTED, THOSE RAP PEOPLE!" When we heard Police Sirens, My Mom, who was driving, turned to me and said, "I HAVE TO PULL OVER AND LET THIS POLICE CAR PASS, PUFFY DIDDY DADDY MUST BE AROUND BECAUSE OF ALL THAT VMA STUFF, THEY ARE IN MIAMI ON SUNDAY YOU KNOW!!!" Unfortunately, once she pulled over to the side of the road, so did The Police Car. And its Noisy Siren. My Mom was getting Pulled Over. "TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!" she said to me.

WHAT DID I DO WRONG!!!??? My Mom asked the Police Man. She gave me A Look, like it was The Hip-Hop that made her get Pulled Over.

"Ma'am, you have Expired Tags. Also, you Failed To Renew Your License. And Change Your Legal Address. And you have An Outstanding Speeding Ticket. And you Ran A Red Light And Failed To Signal When I Pulled You Over."

The Policeman proceeded to walk back to his car with My Mom's Expired License and Expired Registration. Naturally, My Mom was REALLY UPSET. But, not as UPSET as I Was. What if My Mom's Car was about to be Impounded!? My Marc Jacobs Shoes were in The Trunk!! Would they let me take them out First? Or, do they Impound My Designer Shoes, too?? And then, if we have to Go To Jail, am I allowed to Wear Them? I figured, a pair of Fabulous Marc Jacobs Shoes might get me out of Kitchen Duty and Look Stunning with An Orange Jumpsuit! I MUST HAVE MY FABULOUS MARC JACOBS SHOES NOW!! I got out of the car to Fetch My Prized Designer Footwear from The Trunk.

"Step Back Into The Vehicle, Ma'am!!" came from The Police Car's Megaphone. I began to Cry as I got sank back into the passenger seat, Sans Super Smart Sandals. I was So Having a Lil' Kim Moment.

A few minutes later, The Policeman returned. Because My Mom was Hysterical, he Let Her Off. So My Mom got to Keep Her Car, with The Promise that she would fix her Registration and Ticket Situation Immediately. And Stop Crying.

And because I was Hysterical, I got to Keep My Shoes. The Policeman even Fetched Them from The Trunk for me!

My Mom and I continued Our Drive Home in Silence.

Well, Silent, except for The Hip-Hop, of course. And, naturally, My Mom never said Another Bad Word About It Ever Again.

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