Thursday, September 30, 2004

Dear Daily Randi: Give Me A Coffee Break

It's Thursday and that means it is The Daily Randi Advice Day! Keep those cards and letters coming and please remember, I have no idea what I am talking about........

Dear The Daily Randi:

The other morning, I was on my way to work. I didn't go grocery shopping and this meant that I had No Coffee To Drink in the morning or Anything To Even Eat and I always eat breakfast because it is the most important meal of the day and this Lack Of Caffeine and First Thing In The Morning Malnourishment left me Grumpy and Sad so I decided at The Last Minute to stop at Starbucks before my commute to get myself Some Coffee and a Muffin so that I would be Less Grumpy, More Happy and Well Nourished. As I was sipping my Just Purchased Tall Americano With Room For Milk, Munching on my Delicious Banana Bran Muffin, and Walking To My Car, I was Celebrating In My Mind what a Good Idea it was to Stop At The Starbucks At The Last Minute On My Way To Work. Just then, out of the corner of my Still Only Half-Awake Eye, I passed a Very Familiar Looking Vehicle in the parking lot. Without thinking clearly, as I had only had Two Sips of Caffeinated Refreshment, I stopped, Stared At The Car, and then Instinctively Turned Around To Go Back Into The Starbucks. It seems the car belonged to A Boyfriend Who Is Not A Boyfriend But One Who I Occasionally Fool Around With But Had Not Seen In A While Because We Got All Grumpy With Each Other Last Time And I Think We May Be Trying To Get Each Other Out Of Our Systems But That Only Usually Works For A Few Weeks Until We Get Back Into Each Other's Respective Systems, so to speak. I walked back towards the coffee shop, and just as I was about to enter, there I saw the Boyfriend Who Is Not A Boyfriend. We both looked at each other and all I could manage to say is, "Hey. I just saw your car." He replied with, "Really? What are you doing here?" I held up my coffee cup and said, "Getting Coffee." He replied, "Really?"

Obviously, this was a Very Awkward Conversation which could have been avoided if I had just continued to Walk To My Car And Driven To Work. Or had Gone To The Grocery Store The Night Before And Purchased Coffee. My question is this, The Daily Randi: Why was he so surprised to find out that I was at Starbucks to get coffee? Isn't that what people usually do at Starbucks? I know it must have seemed weird that I was entering Starbucks with a Full Cup Of Starbucks Already In My Hand, but still.

I Should Really Cut Back On Caffeine Anyway

Dear Decaf-Wannabe:

Isn't there a Coffee Bean you could go to instead next time? Yes, I will admit, it is Odd that you were going into Starbucks with a Full Cup Of Starbucks Already In Your Hand, but really, he Didn't Know That. He may have thought that you had just been Standing On The Street Corner Collecting Change and maybe you now had Enough In Your Cup to Buy Yourself A Latte. Or, you could have been getting a Refill. Some people Really Like Refills. Even when they know that Too Much Coffee isn't all that Good For Them. And keeps them Awake At Night. And makes them think that Maybe It Is Time To Find A Beverage That Doesn't Get So Grumpy When You Ask If You Can Spend The Night Because You Are Too Tired To Drive Home.

Unfortunately, Coffee can be Really Fun To Drink. Especially when you have been Drinking It For A While. Sure, its Ingredients may make you Irritable every now and then, but you Keep Buying It. At least, it makes you Feel Good Right After You Have A Few Sips.

Everyone Knows A Good Cup Of Coffee Is Super Addictive So Don't Fret,
The Daily Randi

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