Wednesday, August 13, 2008

File This Fixed.

I have This File Cabinet. Easily Annoyed Sister gave it to me before she moved back to New York. I wanted it because it doesn’t look like A File Cabinet. It looks like Just A Cabinet. It is White, with Two Drawers and Antiqued Handles. In other words, it isn’t one of those Grey Metal Catastrophes you find in Offices. It is Functional.

Well, it is supposed to be Functional. The other day, the lower cabinet Refused To Open. Upon investigation, I realized the bottom of the drawer had fallen out and a file was caught underneath. I took everything out and tried to Fix It. The part that was Broken was warped, made of shoddy material. It wasn’t going to go back in.

When Totally Awesome Fiancé came home from work, he found me in Tears. “My File Cabinet Broke!” I told him. “I didn’t do it!” And then I Cried some more. This was My Lucille Ball Moment.

He looked The Cabinet over. And then he gave me Strict Instructions: “Go to Home Depot. Get The Same Material. Ask them to Cut It Down.”

I did as He Said.

Except at Home Depot, they told me they couldn’t Cut Down The Same Material because their equipment was too powerful. They gave me Strict Instructions: “Ask Your Totally Awesome Fiancé To Use A Hand Saw To Cut This Down.”

I did as They Said.

Tonight, Totally Awesome took out his Hand Saw. (He has A Hand Saw!) And his Measuring Tape. (He has Measuring Tape!) And then he started Sawing. (He Saws!) And when he was Done, he slid The New Bottom into My File Cabinet. And Fixed It!!

“I knew there was A Reason I Am Marrying You!” I told him, as I refilled my cabinet.

“Because I have A Hand Saw? And I know How To Use It?” he asked.

“NO!” I exclaimed. “It’s because you have A Measuring Tape! And it is Really Really Long And Handy!”


Hilary said...

While reading this, my first thought was "He has a hand saw?" We may have to revoke his MOT card.

Green said...

In October it will be exactly 87 years that I've been looking for that sort of filing cabinet. Can you ask E.A.S. where she got it?

This may be my favorite post of all time, I don't know why.