Except That Mr. Darcy Never Went To Columbia University.

Many of you know, I am Obsessed with The New York Times Wedding Pages. I have written about it before – I have been reading These Pages, published on Sundays, religiously since I was in College. We are talking nearly Twenty Years of Wedding Pages. I actually keep A Sunday Subscription To The New York Times solely so that I can read The Styles Section, where Vows are now published. (I told Totally Awesome Fiancé, The Subscription was for The Sunday Puzzle.)

I am not sure Why I Am So Fascinated With These Pages. I like reading How The Couples Met. And seeing Where They Wed. I enjoy The Credentials – they always attend At Least One Ivy League School. Or, their Parents are Important and/or Published. All I know is I Am Obsessed. Recently, I saw the movie, 27 Dresses, and although I thought the movie was Totally Stupid, I did get a kick out of How Katherine Heigl Saved The New York Times Wedding Pages. “Aha!” I thought. “I behave just like A Fictional Character! Now I shall Relate.”

Naturally, I sent in All Of My Info to The New York Times after Totally Awesome Fiancé and I got engaged. I figured we were a shoe in -- we Met Cute, Both Grew Up On Long Island But Met In Los Angeles, and Totally Awesome Fiancé went to Columbia University! But, I also knew that we were Competing For Announcement Space on Busy Labor Day Weekend. Now, if we were getting married in January, maybe we would stand A Chance.

They tell you they will Contact You Two Weeks Before if they will be publishing Your Announcement. Alas, No One Has Contacted Us and we are Three Days Away. I think I can live with it, though. Hell, they made An Entire Sex And The City Charlotte-Subplot Episode about These Stupid New York Times Wedding Pages. Except, Charlotte got Published.

I guess this means I Can’t Relate To All Fictional Characters. But, that’s Okay. I am really holding on to Relating To Elizabeth Bennett.

And there were no New York Times Wedding Pages for her to Worry About.