Tuesday, February 26, 2008

It’s Not Fair. Period.

I was watching Some Stupid Television Program last week and I saw A Commercial for “Always Maxi Pads.” Now, I normally don’t pay too much attention to Maxi Pad Commercials, but this one caught my eye. It was all about How Young African Women Miss School Every Time They Get Their Period Because They Don’t Have Maxi Pads, So You Should Help “Always Maxi Pads” Give “Always Maxi Pads” To Young African Women So That They Go To School And Graduate. Or, some Bullshit like that. I didn’t pay much attention because I was So Freaking Jealous of those Young African Women. They get to Miss School when they are on The Rag? That’s like, Totally Awesome! Seriously, if you could have been a fly on the wall of My Long Island Bedroom, circa 1985, you would have heard me Begging And Pleading with My MOM To Let Me Stay Home From School Please Please Puhleeeze Because Of My Period Cramps countless, countless times. The Cramps were Bad, but that wasn’t The Real Reason I wanted to Stay Home. The Real Reason I usually wanted to Stay Home From School was because of The Zits. In retrospect, I didn’t have The Zits all that bad. But, to A Fifteen Year Old, they were like The Worst and although I Sort Of Minded A Shitty Day Of School, I Definitely Dreaded A Zitty Day Of School. The Cramps Excuse Never Worked. Although, I did successfully convince My MOM that there was No Freaking Way I was going to school with A Patch after My Contact Lens Scratched The Cornea Of My Left Eye. I stayed home for Two Days just to avoid having kids calling out to me, “Ahoy!”

Anyhow, here is A Message to The Young Women Of Africa Who Are On The Rag And Therefore, Can’t Go To School:

Don’t Take The Maxi Pads!! Don't Let “Always Maxi Pads" Ruin Your Life! You got it Pretty Good! Well, I mean, except for all The Poverty and Disease and Stuff. Minus That.

4 comments:

justJENN said...

Um. You need to watch THIS.

rebuses said...

Hmm, that video was way funnier than the Maxi Pad/Acne Pad joke I was thinking about.

the slackmistress said...

Nowadays an eyepatch would make you cool.

Aimee said...

I got to stay home with cramps, but that was usually because they were accompanied by barfing. Ugh.