Friday, September 01, 2006

Damn Yankees

I have Sold My Soul To The Devil.

The Reason? I have been watching A Lot of Baseball recently. Yet, this is Not So Unusual. After all, I come from A Huge Baseball Lovin’ Family. In fact, The New York Mets Household I grew up in derives from an earlier incarnation, dedicated solely to All Things Brooklyn Dodgers. My MOM tells a story about how, growing up in Brooklyn, she shared a room with her older sister. My AUNT would not let her go to sleep each night until My MOM recited The 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers Line Up (Gilliam, Reese, Snider, Campanella, Furillo, Hodges, Hoak, Zimmer, Shuba, Amoros, Podres). To this day, My MOM still remembers This Roster. And My AUNT has A Room in her home dedicated to Brooklyn Dodgers Memorabilia.

So, this Watching Of Baseball is in No Way Sinister Behavior. Especially, This Time Of Year. Playoffs are Looming, Magic Numbers are Being Assigned. My Mets are in First Place and headed to The World Series. But, see, I find myself not watching A Ton of Mets Baseball. Rather – I have been watching A Ton of Yankees Baseball. You heard me: Evil Yankees Baseball. And here is where The Selling Of The Soul To The Devil comes into play.

See, in my house, we weren’t just Mets Fans. We were Passionate Anti-Yankees People. I was brought up to despise All Things Yankees. This Deep Hatred, of course, comes from The Long Ago Rivalry between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Yankees, Back In The Day. Many Mets Fans were brought up Just Like Me. In fact, just the way My MOM can recite the Brooklyn Dodgers Line Up, Year By Year, so can I recite A Long List Of The Reasons The New York Yankees Suck. (They have All The Money, They get All The Media Attention, Steinbrenner is A Big Fat Bore/Boar, etc, etc.)

When I met Totally Awesome Boyfriend we were both Delighted to discover that we grew up Only 45 Minutes Away from each other on Eastern Long Island. His Next Question to me was, “Are You Jewish?” I asked expectantly, “Are you A Mets Fan?”

Unfortunately, Totally Awesome Boyfriend declared himself An Evil Yankees Fan. He was Cute, so I decided to go out with him anyway. But, now, I find myself watching Yankees Baseball. All The Time. And here is The Kicker -- I Don’t Seem To Mind. Sure, every now and then, he Agrees to watch The Mets Kick Ass with me. But, I can tell, this is a bit like asking him to Go Out With Me And One Of My Girlfriends That He Can Barely Tolerate Because She Talks Even More Than Me About Shopping And Project Runway. Still, the fact that I have now memorized The New York Yankees Line Up (Damon, Jeter, Abreu, Giambi, Rodriguez, Posada, Cano, Guiel, Cabrera, Lidle) thanks to a series of games against The Even Eviler Boston Red Sox, viewed by Yours Truly, is Rather Scary to me. Even More Terrifying is that while I was in New York, I ventured into The Yankees Clubhouse Store and purchased Yankees Artifacts for Totally Awesome Boyfriend. Worse, is, um, I watched Part Of A Yankees Game On The Plane. I fear My Family may Disown Me.

Naturally, The Only Excuse For This Horrid Baseball Behavior Of Mine can be Love. Yes, Love, Love, LOVE makes me root for The Enemy. I just get So Happy when I see Totally Awesome Boyfriend So Happy that I can’t help but Root For The Team That Makes Him Happy! And now, with The Yankees in First Place and My Mets in First Place, A Subway Series looms ahead. This could spell Disaster for our Wonderful Relationship. But when One is In Love, one doesn’t let Anything get in One’s Way! Even Baseball!! Still, come World Series Time, I am kind of hoping that Satan will grant A Full Refund.

Well, Okay. I really just need A Store Credit. That way, I can cash it in immediately after The Mets Win.

And spend it On Yankees Games next season instead, natch.

4 comments:

Bernie Williams said...

Steinbrenner: I'm the boss! I'm the boss! I'm the boss! I'm the boss!

I heard your bf loves you even more than the Yankees. Still, I heard I'm his favorite player.

Melanie said...

Your BF must be really Awesome. That's a huge sacrifice, in my opinion.

Northern_Southerner said...

You have started my body shivering....evil they are evil -- stay away. come back to the Light-- David Wright, Jose Reyes, Carlos Squared (Beltran and Delgado).....

dantobindantobin said...

My wife and I have frequently acknowledged that our Jew/non-Jew relationship was never a problem, but if one of us had been a Yankees fan, we wouldn't have lasted. Ditto Republican.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I cannot be a bridesmaid at your wedding. You broke my heart.