Tuesday, August 08, 2006

A Week In The Life Of The Daily Randi (Or, Why I Haven't Posted In A Few Days)

WEDNESDAY: Discover Flat Tire after purchasing Very Expensive, Brand New Computer at Trendy Los Angeles Mall/Paradise. Bring to “Totally Tires” Place where Second Flat Tire is Discovered. Replace Both Troubled Tires. Grow Ticked Off from Thinking about Kooky Car Karma and Tiring Tire Travesty.

THURSDAY: Totally Awesome Boyfriend takes me to The Beach! We don't have to Sneak In, as is usually required at Hotel Pools. They just let Anyone In! Very Fun, despite lack of Fancy Cocktail Staff to bring me Much Missed Mixed Drinks. Totally Awesome Boyfriend utters these words at one point: "Don't Scream. I don't want The Lifeguards to Come Over." Please, Insert Your Own Joke Here.

FRIDAY: Evil Growling Sound emitting from under Car Hood for Past Month Or So becomes Much Louder while driving across town to Totally Awesome Boyfriend’s House. Assume Satan is Residing Within Car, thus requiring Full Exorcism. After Googling, "Automobile Exorcism Priest/Mechanic Jewish Los Angeles" and coming up with Nothing except Some Disturbing J-Date Profiles, decide to Make Appointment With Regular Agnostic Automobile Mechanic for Next Day.

SATURDAY: Get up at Break Of Dawn to Drop Off Crazy Car. Am told by Regular Agnostic Automobile Mechanic that I need A Transmission Specialist because It Is My Transmission. Regular Agnostic Automobile Mechanic tells me this with A Very Grave Expression, just like I Only Have Six Weeks To Live. Also informs me Not To Drive Car. As I Drive Away, decide not only is Car Possessed but New Car That I Now Must Buy Has Really Great Chance Of Being Repossessed, due to Very Expensive, Brand New Computer Purchase and Very Expensive, Brand New Tire "Splurge" earlier in the week.

SUNDAY: Shop for New Car. Deal with Evil Car Dealers. Cry. All Day.

MONDAY: Find I am Completely Incapable of Configuring Very Expensive, Brand New Computer to the Internet. People In India Trying To Help Me Suck. Fed Ex delivers Very Expensive, Brand New Printer to Wrong Address. People at Fed Ex Trying To Locate Missing Printer Suck. Car Dealer tries to convince me that Everyone Pays List Price like he thinks I Am Stupid. Car Dealers Trying To Screw Me Over Because I Have Tits And A Vagina Suck. Decide The Entire World – and Not Only My Car-- Is Possessed By Dangerous Devil.

TUESDAY: Car Still Running, despite Death Sentence. Computer Configured. Printer Pronounced Found. Totally Awesome Boyfriend still Totally Awesome.

WEDNESDAY: Tomorrow is Another Day.

3 comments:

erica said...

The transmission isn't by any chance leaking fluid and that's why it's making noise? I only ask because that happened to me, and I just kept putting fluid in until I was able to get it fixed. We're talking 6 months or so of ghetto-fix.
Car stuff sucks. Good luck!

'Mazing Amy said...

I did that add fluid stuff with a bad radiator in the 90s for about 8 months until I could afford to buy a new car.

Eeeek. Let me know if you need Restorative Cocktail with Gal Pal. I am Available. (you know, the man-fast and all. and i need a wing woman. I promise not to wear leggings.)

The Daily Randi said...

Eric - No. My Car is Not Leaking Fluid. It is just Very Cranky In The Morning. And, um, Driving it in Reverse isn't always Something It Likes. So, I just keep going Forward. But, then, by the time it Warms Up, like 20 Minutes Later, it is Totally Fine. Kind of like Me!

Amy - I greatly enjoy Restorative Cocktails with Gal Pal! I feel like I haven't seen you in Forevah! Please, No Leggins or Micro Minis. Otherwise, I may be forced to Write You A Ticket.