Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Post Of The Second

A few weeks ago, I was in one of those Trendy Los Angeles Dining Establishments I frequent and read the following item on The Trendy Los Angeles Dining Establishment’s Menu:

Vegetable Of The Moment

Because, apparently now Vegetables Can't Commit To An Entire Day. Or, Season, even. They have just A Moment to spare and then they are Moving On.

So, where does that leave Soups? And what about Specials? After all, A Movie can maintain An Entire Year! And A Crime and/or Trial is going to last The Century. But, A Silly Stupid Vegetable can't stick it out for even A Day any longer.

When The Server came by, I asked what The Vegetable Of The Moment was for, well, The Moment. She told me it was Sautéed Spinach. A few minutes later, when she returned to take our order, I Asked Again. The Server seemed perplexed.

"Oh," she said. "I thought I just told you. It is Sautéed Spinach."

"Yes," I explained. "But, that was like, Two Moments Ago. I assumed it had Changed."

"No... It is still Sautéed Spinach," she told me.

"Hmph," I grumbled. "Did it Switch Back? I mean, was there A Different Vegetable only A Moment ago?"

"No, it has been Sautéed Spinach all night." she returned flatly. "Until We Run Out."

"Okay,” I acknowledged. “So, basically, you are telling me that The Vegetable Of The Moment is Sautéed Spinach and will be All Night. Unless, of course, The Sautéed Spinach gets A Much Better Opportunity and then it will be Gone and A New Vegetable will Take Its Place. For The Moment, of course. Things may not pan out well for The Sautéed Spinach. You just never know. And then, The Sautéed Spinach will try to Crawl Its Way Back Into The Kitchen and if it is Successful, it will be The Vegetable of The Moment once again. It will just Show Up Late and say it had No Cell Coverage or something.”

"Um....sure. You can look at it that way, I suppose." She scanned the tables around us and shifted her weight to her other leg. "You're not ready to order by chance, are you?"

In fact, we were ready to order And just in case you are wondering, NO, I Did Not order The Sautéed Spinach. I have No Interest in Commitment Phobic Veggies. Sure, a few years ago, I wouldn’t have minded. “I’m not ready to eat Just One Vegetable,” I would have informed you. “I much prefer Mixing Them Up! And, Fruits! I really enjoy Fruits! Fruits are Fun!” But, now, I eat A Ton Of Vegetables. I like Baby Carrots. You can find them in the store All Year. They are My Favorites. And, I very rarely eat A Fruit. Too Much Sugar.

But, this experience did make me realize The Following:

As if Los Angeles wasn't full of enough Human Flakes, now we are going to have to put up with The Vegetable Variety, too.

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