Friday, June 09, 2006

Dodger Dogsgusting

On Wednesday Night, I went to see My Favorite Baseball Team, The New York Mets, beat the Los Angeles Dodgers. The New York Mets only come to town Once A Year, so these games are Very Special to me. Accompanying me was MySpace Sara and Friend Of MySpace Sara. MySpace Sara is a cool chick I met on MySpace, of all places. Many months ago, MySpace Sara, a die hard New York Yankees Fan, decided she needed more Female Acquaintances, read on My MySpace Profile that I Loved Baseball, and wrote me A Note. I Wrote Back and we have been Friends ever since, despite her unfortunate adoration for The Stupid Yankees. She has dragged me to The Batting Cages and once we drove All The Way To Anaheim to see A Baseball Game, only to have to turn All The Way Around Again when we hit A Terrible Traffic Snarl outside Angels Stadium and missed the first few innings.

When we arrived at Dodger Stadium, I was Starving. Friend Of MySpace Sara politely suggested He take our stuff to the seats and we get on line for Delicious Dodger Dogs for all of us. While we were on line, MySpace Sara and I studied The Concession Stand Menu.

"Do you think Friend Of MySpace Sara wants a Regular Dodger Dog? Or A Super 100% Beef Dodger Dog?" I inquired of MySpace Sara.

"Well, he is A Guy," MySpace Sara returned. "We should probably get him Three Super 100% Beef Dodger Dogs."

"Three? That is an awful lot of Super 100% Beef Dodger Dogs to consume!" I said. "That’s 300% Beef! That would make me Sick."

"Oh," said MySpace Sara, sighing. "He will get Sick. But, you know, Men love to Torture Themselves when they eat. My Ex-Boyfriend once devoured An Entire Large Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Pizza during a football game."

"Really" I replied.

"Oh, yeah. He used to do it all the time. Actually, he would start with Four Slices. And then he would Hold His Stomach for a half hour or so. And then, he would eat The Rest," explained MySpace Sara.

MySpace Sara's Tale O' Tailgater Torture made me giggle and think of Totally Awesome New Boy's Entertaining Eating Habits. Totally Awesome New Boy loves his food Extra Spicy. So, no matter what it is, he adds A Ton of Pepper or Tabasco Sauce. But, then, after he takes A Bite, he Sweats So Profusely that He Has To Put Down His Fork And Stop. "It's The Spicy Food!" he explained when I saw this occur for the first time and asked him if he was Okay. "It's Really Really Hot!" He Blots His Brow and Rests for A Moment Or Two. And then, astonishingly enough, Totally Awesome New Boy resumes His Spicy Food Self-Torture Technique All Over Again. In the beginning, this process, or Spi-rocess, as I have come to call it, did seem A Bit Odd to me. But, it was also Quite Adorable and Boyish. And, lucky for him, I had previously noted that Totally Awesome New Boy applied Salt to his food in The Daintiest Of Manners, pouring some first into his palm, before delicately sprinkling the crystals onto his plate. Naturally, This P(sal)ming counterbalanced The Spi-rocess and Totally Awesome New Boy retained his Totally Awesome Status.

Finally, it was our turn to place our Delicious Dodger Dog Order.

"Five Super 100% Beef Dodger Dogs," MySpace Sara told The Cashier, a large Latino woman. "On Three of them, can you add Cheese from The Nacho Cheese Machine. And Jalapeño Peppers?"

The Cashier punched in the order, while another female worker shuffled around and slowly fetched our Hot Dogs. Then the Cashier peered at us from behind the counter. Shaking her head she turned to her Co-Worker and said, "I don't know where These Two Skinny Minnies think they are going to put Five Super Dodger Dogs."

The Co-Worker looked our way. "And queso y jalapeño? Oh, dios mio."

"It's for Our Friend," I explained.

MySpace Sara added, "He's A Man."

And nodding all at once, The Concession Stand Ladies conceded, "Ohhhhhhhhh."


Anonymous said...

damn girl! You making me laugh out loud again at work. You gotta stop with that. And I don't know what it is with the caps -- but I dig it -- so don't let any of the haters get ya down. And go Mets! woohoo!

Michael said...

We guys like to work hard at every meal. If we're not sweatin' and strugglin' to digest it, it ain't worth eating. Plus we burn calories while consuming them.

Anonymous said...

I love that you did a blog entry on dogs! Glad to know they are a hot topic on the left coast as well. LOL

Anonymous said...

Ooooooo will you go the batting cages with me too? Please?

Randi said...

N/S - I Am Glad You Dig The Caps. Let's Go Mets!

Michael - If you are looking to Burn More Calories, I am sure I can be of great assistance. I know a Really Fun Workout. ;)

Cat - Completely Coincidental! But, I do miss Katz's!!

Hilary - I will be happy to go to The Batting Cages with you if you drag me! You should know, however, that I have only been Once In My Life. But, I totally hit The Ball Out Of The Park!! Well, I mean, I would have if there weren't all those annoying nets all over the place.