Thursday, May 18, 2006

A Wall Of Words

Last Week, I had A Date with A Totally Awesome New Boy. I was asked to drinks at One Of Those Old School Hollywood Type Places, which I adore. My favorite parts of Old School Hollywood Type Places are Those Rounded Banquettes they use for seating. Basically, these Rounded Banquettes are just Curved Booths, but where I am from we have Just Booths. Ugly, Rectangular Booths where you sit Across From One Another. Rounded Banquettes allow diners to sit Next To Each Other, which is Quite Romantic when on A Date. I remember when I first moved to Los Angeles, the Seating Arrangements In These Sorts Of Establishments fascinated me because I thought Those Rounded Banquettes only existed as Set Pieces in The Movies. Yet, here, they were Real! Which, incidentally, was not true of The Breasts I Had Seen in The Movies. Most of those have turned out to be Fake.

Naturally, once we arrived, The Hostess led The Totally Awesome New Boy and I towards A Rounded Banquette. The Totally Awesome New Boy politely waited for me to sit down and here is where I made My Very Grave Dating Error: I placed My Purse and My Coat down and slid in next to them. Then Totally Awesome New Boy slid in on the other side. So, basically -- My Purse and My Coat were placed directly in between My Date and My Self! I had built The Great Wall Of Wardrobe in Our Romantic Rounded Banquette, single handedly destroying any chance of The Totally Awesome New Boy from sliding closer towards me so that he could Make His Move.

As soon as Totally Awesome New Boy slid into The Banquette from the other side, I realized I had Committed A Coat/Bag Catastrophe!! But, I couldn't find A Way Out! As we were involved in our conversation, I would casually glance down at The Wall and think, "If only I knew Magic! I would make it all Disappear!! Think Magical Disappearing Thoughts!! Concentrate!!" In my mind, I found myself negotiating methods with which I could move My Wall Of Wardrobe from the left side of me to the right side of me without seeming Too Obvious. "I shall pretend I have Dropped My Napkin! Then Kick My Coat And Bag To The Floor when I go to fetch it!" But, before I could Kick and Fetch, Totally Awesome New Boy very gentlemanly caught the waitress's attention and had her bring me a fresh napkin. "The Next Time I catch him Checking Out My Breasts, he shall be distracted and I can Move The Offending Articles then!" But, Men have that Look-Away-Fast-She-Just-Caught-You! Glance down pat and his was Way Too Fast for me, each and every time. Finally, I thought, "Why doesn't Totally Awesome New Boy just Break Down The Wall himself??" Except, I realized, maybe he thought I Established A Wardrobe Wall for A Reason and he didn't want to step over its boundaries. Basically, My Date-Time Dilemma stemmed from the fact that I was On A Date With A Really Nice Boy. No wonder I Didn't Know What To Do.

In the end, I Never Tore Down The Wardrobe Wall and neither did He. And it remained in the booth, Directly Between Us the entire time. Still, our date was Very Romantic. I figured he just Didn't Notice and It Didn't Matter.

Until, our next date. The Hostess in Another Old School Hollywood Type Place led us towards A Rounded Banquette. But, just before we sat down, Totally Awesome New Boy pulled me towards him.

"Give me these," he demanded, taking My Purse and Coat. He then directed me to slide into The Banquette.

Totally Awesome New Boy slipped in next to me, placing My Whoa-some Wardrobe Wall on his other side. He laughed and Took My Hand. Then, Kissing Me he said, "I am not letting you Build A Wall Between Us ever again."

1 comment:

'Mazing Amy said...

AWWWWWWWWW> totally awesome new boy sounds Totally Awesome!