Phoned It In

Very Late on Friday Night, I mistakenly answered my phone when The Cutest Boy Ever called. I hadn't spoken to him in weeks and had, in fact, made a pact with myself to Never Talk To Him Again. And, I have to say -- I had been Quite Successful! Although he had phoned nearly Every Day since I told him I needed him out of my life, I Hadn't Answered His Calls! Not Once! Sure, as soon as I saw there was A Voice Mail Message, I would rush to hear what He Said. But, then I would Instantly Delete The Message. And Erase The Caller ID. And Rid Of The Number In My Call Log. I wanted No Evidence of The Cutest Boy Ever in My Phone. Or, My World, for that matter.

And then, there was Friday. There I was, Calmly Curled Up On My Sofa under a cozy blanket, lights off, Watching A Horrible DVD I Had Netflixed Under The Mistaken Impression It Would Be Worth Viewing, and Daydreaming about The Totally Awesome Date I had been on the evening before with The New Totally Awesome Boy when suddenly, there was a Loud Vibrating Explosion! Across my living room, something Buzzed, Flashed, and Sang Beyonce's Crazy In Love before it Crashed To The Floor from atop my desk.

"What the F!" I said to My Imaginary Boyfriend Dog Cat Knitting No One In Particular. I unraveled myself from my cozy blanket and tip toed carefully across the room.

As I approached, I could see My Sidekick lay open on the carpet. I stood above it, allowing myself to easily identify the caller: The Cutest Boy Ever. But this was not The Worst Part. The Worst Part was The Fall from my desk had Accidentally Answered The Phone. It seems, My Phone experienced A Phone Orgasm when it Vibrated Itself Off My Desk!

"Hello? Hello? The Daily Randi??" The Cutest Boy Ever was shouting. "Hello? Are you there?"

Staring at the device, listening to The Cutest Boy Ever call out my name so desperately, I had a choice: Pretend The Phone Didn't Answer Itself And Hang Up On The Cutest Boy Ever or Actually Talk To Him.

I elected to Actually Talk To Him.

And it wasn't That Terrible. He said he just wanted to Hear My Voice Again but he also wanted to Respect My Space. So, after only a few minutes, our conversation was Complete and we said Our Goodbyes. And I was Calmly Curled Back On My Sofa under a cozy blanket, lights off, Watching The Horrible DVD I Had Netflixed Under The Mistaken Impression It Would Be Worth Viewing, and Daydreaming about The Totally Awesome Date I had been on the evening before with The New Totally Awesome Boy.

But, this time, My Cell Phone was Safely Curled Up Next To Me.

I wasn't taking Any Chances.