Thursday, April 13, 2006

Dear Daily Randi: Stategic Planning

It's Thursday and that means it is The Daily Randi Advice Day! Keep those e-mails coming and please remember, I have no idea what I am talking about........

Dear The Daily Randi:

I work in an office with A Woman Who Just Got Engaged. At lunch, all she talks about is Caterers, Flowers, Flower Arrangements, Flower Girls, Table Sizes, Table Arrangements, Hotel Choices, The DJ Versus The Swing Band, Bridesmaids, Bridesmaids' Dresses, Bridesmaid's Head Pieces, The Various Sizes Of Her Bridesmaids' Heads, How They Want To Wait Five to Six Years Before They Start A Family, The Wedding Cake, Her New House, The Great Debate As To Whether She Wear Her Hair Up Or Down, Tablecloth Color Schemes, Dieting, Fittings, Shoes, The Boat They Rented To Take Them To Catalina For Their Honeymoon, How They Decided To Push Up The Wedding Date, Her Father's Tuxedo, All Of Her Friend's Weddings, etc., etc., ETC.. It is Really Awful. Especially since all I want to discuss is Who I Think Will Be Getting Voted Off
American Idol next.

My Question is this, The Daily Randi: She is not Getting Married until Christmas, 2007. Does this mean I will have to listen to Her Incessant Wedding Planning for The Next Year And A Half? Because, by then, like,
American Idol will be Over. We will know Who Won.

She Do Don't Mean I Do, Too

Dear She Do, I Don't:

Ugh. Your Situation sounds Dreadful. I don't blame you for being just a bit Annoyed. I have never understood why Women Planning Weddings feel the need to talk to Everyone They Know about their Stupid Wedding Party Ideas. Perpetually Single Women really don't care about Your Stupid Weddings, Brides-To-Be! We just want to be Left Alone with out Kitty Cats, our Knitting, and our Television Sets!

Here is what I Advise: Pay Careful Attention. Memorize All The Facts -- The Colors, The Hotel Names, The Dress Styles! Then, in a few years, when The Happy Couple Separates and Divorces, your co-worker probably Won't Be Talking About Any "Plans." And that would be The Perfect Time to remind her, "Hey! Didn't you guys have Bright Pink Peonies in your Wedding Centerpieces? Those were Really Nice!" At lunch, continue to Chatter On And On And On about All Her Fabulous Wedding Plans Of Yore. She will be just As Annoyed As You Are Right Now and it will be The Perfect Payback.

Of course, you could also just Politely Change The Subject next time she brings up her plans. But, you know. Whatever.

The Irony Is You Are Probably Not Even Going To Make The Guest List For The Stupid Wedding Despite Having To Listen To It Being Planned For Nearly Eighteen Months,
The Daily Randi


Anonymous said...

Randi, I just encountered your blog and I adore it.

BUT: I find it really difficult and strenuous to read when you capitalize the first letter of each word. It's hard on the eyes.

I humbly request that you use standard capitalization, which would make your wildly adorable blog even more wildly adorable.

Randi said...

Dear Adorable New Reader:

Yes, I know -- That Capital Letter Thing annoys some people. Others Love It. Unfortunately, it is just the way I Write. I have been doing it for Years and if you have ever have The Adorable Opportunity to Meet Me or Hear Me Read My Adorable Essays Aloud, it will begin to make Perfect and Adorable Sense! The Capitalization actually works as Adorable Oral Cues.

Yours Adorably,
The Daily Randi