Thursday, March 30, 2006

Recommended Reading

Jessica Simpson May Want to Adopt Kids
Wed Mar 29, 12:37 PM ET


Jessica Simpson has babies on the brain. The 25-year-old singer filed for divorce from Nick Lachey last December but her publicist says Simpson is looking at adoption.

"Nothing has been finalized yet" as to when and how Simpson will adopt, her publicist, Rob Shuter, told The Associated Press on Tuesday. But he added, "It is true that she's exploring options."

Shuter said Simpson and her family have anonymously contributed funds to a smattering of Mexican orphanages for several years now. The singer started visiting the orphanages with a church group at age 11. "I want to adopt, and I plan to adopt before I have my own kids," the pop star recently told TV's "Extra."

In the interview, Simpson cited a certain high profile mother as an influence.
"I think Angelina Jolie has done amazing, amazing things, and the international adoption rate just since her has skyrocketed," she said. "It's unbelievable."

Simpson is best known for starring in the MTV reality show "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica" with Lachey, who gained fame as a member of the boy band 98 Degrees.

My Old High School Friend recently adopted a baby via an International Adoption. She claims she and her husband wanted to start a family, but I have always had an inkling that they are just Really Big Angelina Jolie Fans. Anyhow, one of the things they needed to do when they were going through The Adoption Process was retrieve Letters Of Recommendation from various people in their lives. I was very flattered when they requested me to write a letter for them. Especially since Old High School Friend has known me since I Was Three and remembers How She And I Stole Jeff Thompson's Shoes And Threw Them Over The School Fence in Fifth Grade And Made Him Cry And We Laughed And Got In Big Trouble. Naturally, I left all mention of this unfortunate incident out of My Recommendation Letter.

After I read the above AP article, regarding Jessica Simpson's desire to Adopt A Baby I thought it might be fun to write A Letter Of Recommendation for her, too! Jessica Simpson hasn't exactly asked me for one yet, but she should know, I Am Damn Good. Old High School Friend got her hands on A Kid. And I like to think it was All My Doing.

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to highly recommend Jessica Simpson for Parenthood.

Let me just preface this letter by saying, I don't actually know Jessica Simpson. Although, once, me and My Best Friend, Shabby, found ourselves sharing a fitting room in A Trendy Robertson Boulevard Boutique with Jessica, Ashley, and The Simpson Mom, and they seemed to get along great! They also had excellent taste in clothes. Ashley picked out this Really Cool Fitted Vest and Jessica got Some Jeans and A Silk Backless Blouse. They seemed to be a Clothes-Knit Family, wink, wink!

After that experience, Jessica and I took Separate Paths. (I went to the Starbucks up the street and Jessica went into A Waiting Luxury SUV.) But, I still feel like I know her well enough to endorse her as A Future Super Parent. Did you see the way she treated her (Legally Separated) Husband, Nick, on her TV Show? The Baby will get Even Better Care! In fact, Jessica Simpson has probably already placed an order with Louis Vuitton for A Custom Made Carry-All to Tote The Baby Around In! It will have room for Bottles, and Diapers, Jewelry, and A Ventilation Screen For Travel, which is a lot more than Her Husband Received. Also, she is in talks with In Style Magazine to document her Luxurious Baby Shower in an Eight Page Spread. And that will be Great Publicity for The Baby! What Baby doesn't love Publicity?!

We all know, Jessica Simpson may not be The Brightest Girl In The World. But, that should not be a hindrance for her obtaining A Child From Another Country With Exotic Good-Looks And The Potential To Grow Up To Be A Supermodel. Mostly, because Jessica intends to hire A Nanny. And The Nanny she hires will be Bright. And The Kid will be around The Nanny most of the time. Unless, of course, there is A Photo Op or Something and then, well, then, um, if that happens, we can just convince Jessica Not To Talk To The Baby because It Doesn't Understand English And Speaks French Or Something! Trust me, Jessica Simpson will fall for it and Stay Far Away. She doesn't like French Bread or People.

In short, Jessica Simpson will make A Wonderful Adoptive Parent. I, for one, can't wait to see The Cute Designer Outfits she Dresses The Baby Up In! So, it is without any hesitation that I recommend her for Parenthood.

And she Promises that if She Doesn't Like The Baby After A Few Years, she is not Going To Try To Return It To Its Owner like she did With That Husband.

The Daily Randi

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