Thursday, February 02, 2006

Seeing Star's

I love A Good Quiz. I don't mean The Spelling or Math Variety. I mean, the type of Quiz you find in Cosmo. Or Glamour Magazine. "Is He The One?" is a Hot Quiz Topic. "Are you A Flirt?" is Another. And I love checking How I Score! And then, you know how once you figure out that you get Two Points every time you answer "a" and if you "Answered Mostly 'a'?" it means you will are Most Like Monica On Friends, so you start answering "b" because that is only worth One Point and you really think you are Most Like Rachel On Friends and whomever made up This Stupid Quiz has you sized up All Wrong and doesn't Truly Know Their Friends On Friends but you still think The Quizmaster is Some Sort Of Savvy Genius for even Thinking Up The Amazing Friends On Friends Quiz Topic In The First Place? I like That Part, too! I like to take A Variety Of Quizzes every time I go to get My Nails Done or I have A Dentist Appointment, in fact.

The other day, I signed on to My AOL Account and saw on the front page, a listing for The Star Jones Reynolds Love Quiz! Ooooh! Never one to Turn Down A Love Quiz, even if it is Named For The Hideous Star Jones Reynolds, I clicked on The Link. Soon, I was transported to A Glamorous Interactive Webpage, wherein A Film Of Star Jones Reynolds's Overly Made-Up Head told me that The Quiz I Was About To Take would determine How Much I Knew About Love and Lasting Relationships! I was to Answer Honestly in order to obtain The Most Accurate Results. "This Quiz will be A Cinch!" I thought Confidentially. "I sure hope I don't Destroy The Star Jones Reynolds Love Quiz Grading Curve!"

And so, I began to Take The Star Jones Reynolds Love Quiz. I am Proud To Announce, I was Answering Every Single Question Correctly!

A Man Is Two Hours Late For His Date And Doesn't Call?
Duh, d) Dump Him?

The Gentleman You Are Dating Says He Is Not Sure If He Is Ready To Get Serious With You And You Are In Your Mid To Late Thirties?
Um, a) Send him packing?

Your Boyfriend Of One Month Confesses He Is Married? What Do You Do?
Say, c) Ta-Ta To You?

This Quiz was A Total Breeze!!

And then I got Some Crazy Questions involving Pre-Nuptial Agreements, Pilates, and Weight Reduction Surgery. I got those All Wrong. Apparently, Star Jones Reynolds is Pro Pilates and Pre-Nups. I never really found out where she Stood On Weight Reduction Surgery because I Got Really Angry with The Film Of Star Jones Reynolds Overly Made-Up Head Chastising Me For Not Knowing The Right Answers. She seemed Pretty P.O.'d, in fact. I feared she would Blow My Computer Up. I went to My Space for Solace.

Of course, I would love to learn what makes Star Jones Reynolds think she is Some Sort of Expert on Love and Lasting Relationships. She has been married, what? All of One Year? One would be better off Accepting Marriage Advice from Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. To Make Matters Worse, now every time I do something Foolish in A Relationship, I am going to see Star Jones Reynolds's Disappointed And Overly Made-Up Film Head Frowning At Me, Scowling in My Mind.

But, at least that beats The Old Image of Oprah Talking about Her Stupid Aha Moments. Unfortunately, that one was a lot more like an Oh, No You Di-in't! Moment every time it Popped Up.

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