Thursday, February 23, 2006

Birthday, Smirthday

My Birthday is Monday and I will be 36. I have decided I Will Not Be Celebrating This Year.

Usually, I throw myself A Big Party. A few years ago, I demanded my friends come Ice Skating with me and we had Cupcakes and Pizza Pie and I handed out Gold Medals to Those I Thought Earned Perfect Sixes (Under The Old Scoring System.) Last year, My Birthday was The Same Day as The Oscars, so I had A Fantastic Oscar Bash, complete with A Red Carpet, Movie Themed Snacks, and I Handed Out Awards to Those With The Best Bad Fake Acceptance Speeches (Complete With Music To Drown One Out.) This year, however, I Refuse To Celebrate.

This is My Thinking: If I don't Celebrate My Birthday then it Doesn't Count, right? Just like How When A Tree Falls In A Forest, It Doesn't Make A Sound, If I Refuse To Acknowledge My Birthday, I Can't Possibly Get Any Older! Besides, in Some Cultures, people Don't Even Know When Their Birthday Is! When asked, "How Old Are You?" these Birthday-less People plead Ignorance. "I have Absolutely No Idea!" they sigh. "Well, see That Giant Bush Out Yonder? I have counted More Than Twenty Times, Give Or Take, The Leaves Have Turned Brown and Fallen off That Out Yonder Giant Bush! So, I am Older Than Twenty!"

And then they Add, "But, Not By Much!"

I intend to Respond in A Similar Way when asked, "How Old Are You?"

"See this Fabulous Marc Jacobs Dress I am Wearing?" I will reply. "Well, I Bought It Two Seasons Ago. So, I am Older Than Two!"

And then I, too, will Add, "But Not By Much."


Anonymous said...

Happy... um.. Monday.

Anonymous said...
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