Rosemary's A Baby

Last week, I briefly mentioned that I thought that Katie Holmes was Scientology's Rosemary. In the classic book and movie, Rosemary's Baby, Mia Farrow is impregnated by The Seed Of Satan in a ritual so secret, even she doesn't know about it. I think that Katie Holmes has been impregnated by The Demon Seed of L. Ron Hubbard in a secret ceremony she was paid a million dollars for. Soon, she will give birth to Scientology's Second Coming, which will probably be some sort of Alienish-Looking Freaky Thing, but that "Her People" will try to pass of as "Having Tom's Nose." Since that column, I have seen the same idea written about in other places. Obviously, I am onto something.

I have always had a hard time with the character of Rosemary in the story. All Rosemary does is complain a lot about her pregnancy. But she lived in the Dakota Building right off of Central Park and she had A Fabulous, Trend-Setting Hairdo, via Vidal Sassoon. Things couldn't have been All That Stinky. Trust me, those Pregnancy Pangs couldn't possibly rival the Painful Period Punishment I endure monthly. And let's not forget, Rosemary was at least married and having a baby. I may have A Fabulous Hairdo, too, but I live in a Dumpy Apartment right off Hideous Hollywood Boulevard and I ain't got No Husband, nor Devil-Baby to show for it.

Plus, I am pretty sure at least a few of the guys I have dated in the past may have even been Satan.