Apocalypse Now

Yesterday, there were Several Signs of The Approaching Apocalypse:

First, Lindsey Lohan crashed her car for The Second Time this year. She once again blames The Paparazzi, and I believed her The First Time she Totaled Her Car. But, now I am thinking she is just A Really Really Bad Driver. I have been accused of being A Really Really Bad Driver, myself, and The Next Time I Total My Sporty Mercedes I am So Totally Blaming The Paparazzi, too. Just thinking about Them makes me want to Release My Airbags! Then, Nick and Jessica have Split Up! But, just as one begins to think, "How can Nick and Jessica be Splitting Up when they are Newlyweds? And aren't supposed to have a new television show in development?" they deny The Breakup Rumors/Reports and are Reunited at Day's End. Finally, it is announced that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are Having a Baby. Well, that is what They Want Us To Think. But, I have A Theory that What Really Happened was Katie Holmes was Drugged and Raped By The Spirit of L. Ron Hubbard during a Special Religious Ceremony. She is like the Rosemary of the Whacky Scientologist World.

But The Best Evidence of The Apocalypse has got to be that The Cutest Boy called me yesterday afternoon and Finally Asked Me Out!

'Cause, Sadly, I didn't think that was Going To Happen until Hell Froze Over.