Thursday, November 09, 2006

Well, She Did Live Only Four Blocks Away

Last night, I accompanied Totally Awesome Boyfriend to A Work Party. It was held at A Hip Bar in Santa Monica and was Very Fun. Totally Awesome Boyfriend and I enjoyed Delicious Cocktails and I got to meet many of his Co-Workers, all of whom seemed Very Excited to meet me and all of whom started their Greetings To Me with The Phrase, “I have heard So Much About You!” Which naturally made me wonder What Exactly Totally Awesome Boyfriend was Saying About Me. The Best Part of The Shindig was that there was A DJ spinning Music From The 80’s and even though He Hates To Dance and He Despises All My Favorite 1980’s Songs, Totally Awesome Boyfriend Danced With Me. If that’s not True Love, I don’t know What Is.

It was Warm inside the bar, so Totally Awesome Boyfriend asked me if I wouldn’t mind stepping outside for some Fresh Air. Of course, it being California, Stepping Outside A Bar For Fresh Air really means, Going Out Front And Breathing In Second Hand Smoke. Sure enough, there was A Cloud, eh, I mean A Crowd Of Party Guests mingling outside, puffing away on their Cigarettes.

One of these people was A Woman. When she saw Totally Awesome Boyfriend, she came over to us and Said Hi. Well, what she Actually Said was, “Ohwowheyhowareyou, I cannnnt remember your name but I only live fourrrrr blocks away so I can drink a little butt I can’t drink at work.” And then she went All Cross-eyed and Stuff. Clearly, she was Drunk. Totally Awesome Boyfriend introduced me and she said, “Wow! I Love Your Dresssss!! BEST DREEEEEEESS IN THE PLACE!! Realllly…” But, then she added, “I don’t wantttttt this to take this The Wrong Way, but do you knowwwww Whooooo You Look Like?”


If you have to start Your Compliment with The Phrase, “Don’t take this The Wrong Way, but…” IT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT.



“You loooooook like A Very Pretty Gilda Radner.” Basically, she IDd me as Jewish. But, like, A “Pretty” Jew. I thought for sure she was going to say, Barbra Streisand, because that one is A Lot More Popular. Well, Barbra Streisand, except Pretty. Or sometimes they one just says, “You look like Barbra Streisand. You know Some People think Barbra Streisand is Very Pretty!” Meaning, I suppose, Not The Person Paying Me “The Compliment.” By the way, These People are nearly almost all from Places Where Jews Are Only On TV, Singing, or Cheating You Out Of All Your Money/Ruining Christmas. Also, I look Absolutely Nothing Like Gilda Radner or Barbra Streisand. No Matter. Totally Awesome Boyfriend and I had A Good Laugh at Her Expense.

Earlier this afternoon, Totally Awesome Boyfriend called to Say Hi. And he told me that he mentioned to one of His Co-Workers that Drunk Girl, was well, Drunk. As Evidence, he shared with him What She Said To Me.

His Co-Worker laughed, and said, “That’s Funny because Drunk Girl told My Wife that I Was The Hottest Man She Has Ever Worked With And She Can’t Keep her Hands Off Me.” Apparently, His Wife was A Bit Disturbed.

So, I guess Drunk Girl is More Appropriately Named, “The Girl Who Says Inappropriate Things To Co-Workers's Significant Others When She Is Drunk Girl.”

And I can Only Imagine what "Compliments" she payed some of The Other Guests, too.


Gooch said...

In my lifetime I've been told I look like:

A) Sean penn
B) Ralph Fiennes
C) Julian Lennon
D) Getty Lee

Finally, one day it dawned on me: I look like any celebrity who has a big nose

Anonymous said...

Not Jamie Farr? Barry Manilow? Steve Martin in Roxanne?

Anonymous said...

That was really funny! I can picture the whole scene!

Drunk girls you love em or you want to punch their lights out!

Crazy Lady said...

Apparently Drunk Girl hasn't learned the "don't over drink at a work function to the point where you say inappropriate things to co-workers" lesson!