Dishing Out The Pain

I think I Broke My Pinky Toe When I Tried To Do My Dishes.

It happened over the weekend. It was morning and since Totally Awesome Boyfriend had stayed over, I wanted to surprise him with A Big Fresh Pot of Hot Coffee. Totally Awesome Boyfriend Loves his Morning Coffee. So, while he was using the bathroom, I snuck out of bed and tiptoed into my kitchen. Quickly, I selected a filter from the box in the pantry and grabbed the can containing grounds from the fridge. But, then, after carefully measuring out the allotted coffee and filling the maker with water, I noticed The Unthinkable -- I Had Failed To Wash My Dishes The Evening Before!

Now, I may be An Admitted Pile-er, assembling assorted items in Tidy Piles around my apartment in an effort to Remain Organized. And, perhaps I have A Bit Of Clutter. Maybe I could File More Often. Okay, I seldom Hang Up Any Of My Clothes. Also, I don't like to Open My Mail. But, one thing I Never Do is Go To Bed Without Doing My Dishes. I could come home at 3am, Drunk, Barley Able To Stand Up, Ready To Throw It All Up, but My Dishes Will Be Clean. This Habitual Hack Work began back when I still lived in New York. If you don't do your dishes when you live in Manhattan, you are basically inviting A Rodent Family to Make Itself At Home, In Your Home, Rent-Free. And Rodents Eat All Your Cereal, Poop On Your Floor, and are Nearly Impossible To Evict. And they Are Friends With All Sorts Of Nasty Looking Bugs, Who Also Show Up Invited. Basically, Rodents are Just Like Your First Post-College Roommate. Now, while I thankfully no longer Row with Rodents, I still Despise Dirty Dishes. So Said Dishes must be Washed And Rinsed before I go to sleep each night. Or Else. Of course, we al know that Cleaning My Dishes is also the only way I will have A Clean Wine Glass to drink from the next evening. So My Habitual Chore is Practical, too.

Upon noticing that My Dishes Had Not Been Done, I naturally Had To Do Them. Still wanting to be back in bed before Totally Awesome Boyfriend came out of the bathroom, I hurriedly ran into the living room to pick up the empty scotch glasses from our previous night's festivities. But, before I reached the sink, in an effort to avoid A Pile Of Yet-To-Be-Read Real Simple Magazines, I tripped over Totally Awesome Boyfriend's Enormous Shoe, just laying astray in the middle of my living room carpet and OWWWWW, I did Something to My Sweet Innocent Pinky Toe!! I lay on the floor, my toe Impossibly Aching. For a moment, I thought I was going to actually Black Out. The Pain was That Bad.

Of course, by the time I had recovered enough to stand up again, Totally Awesome Boyfriend was out of the bathroom and back in the bed. So, I carefully grabbed onto a nearby chair, pulled myself up, and hobbled into the bedroom, wincing.

Totally Awesome Boyfriend watched me limp through the doorway and stared at me in Befuddlement. Sitting up he said, "The Daily Randi, what happened?"

"Um," I replied, still hunched over, hobbling, and holding onto my hideously painful little toe. "I am making you Coffee!" I tried to lift myself into the bed. Amused, Totally Awesome Boyfriend reached out to assist me.

Pulling me up he said, "No, I mean, what happened to You. You look like you hurt yourself."

"Oh. I think I Just Broke My Pinky Toe Trying To Do The Dishes. It kind of Hurts."

Although he was still giggling at me, Totally Awesome Boyfriend compassionately reached his arms around me and pulled me close. "You are so silly, sometimes, The Daily Randi.” He examined My Pinky Toe. Then he kissed the foot. "All better," he said.

"Yeah. It Really Hurts," I told him as he began to kiss my neck.

And then I Remembered!

I pulled away from him and diligently attempted to stand up again, "Where are you going?" Totally Awesome Boyfriend asked.

"The Coffee is Ready," I told him, limping towards my kitchen. "And also, I Still Really Have To Do My Dishes.”